Chapter 1 – History prior to meeting Ti and Do
Our lives don’t really begin at birth. We are but a continuation of the life that is the continuation of life that is the continuation of life to the beginning of our species. So much of who we are is therefore shaped before our birth, then further sculpted by our parents, their characteristics, beliefs, habits, education, methods, principles, standards, ethics, morals, even their aspirations as well as their accepted limitations, bias, prejudice, jealousies, envies, angers and any number of other challenging components.
Some of these influences whether internal or externally fortified don’t surface as our characteristics until we are under the same stresses of life, often occurring at a time period comparable to when our parents experienced the same. For instance certain of us never experience conservatism until we have children and desire for their well being, forms of security and a healthy/happy future. Other influences on us never sit well with us and in these cases become points of; repulsion and/or rebellion. Our development is further complicated by the vast environmental influences we are raised into, such as the social, economic and political atmospheres prevalent during our formative years. These in total are the influences that form a new being, one that could be potentially wiser, the same or more limited than all who came before them. In either case, here is a synopsis of my journey through early development. I have not done an exhaustive research of my ancestry.
My grandparents were immigrants to the United States. On my dad’s side both of his parents, Fred and Mary were of Czech Bohemian decent though they were born in Manhattan. On my mother’s side, my grandmother, Rose was born in Austria, having her family in Vienna. I don’t know a lot of her youth except that she came from a large family of 10 siblings and at some point she went to work in a convent in Vienna, as an aspiring nun. However, she met an Austrian man, John, who she eventually married. My grandfather, previous to meeting my grandmother was enlisted into the Austrian/German army during WWI. He was critically wounded and taken for dead. As the story goes, he had received wounds to his abdomen area. They tied a coat around his midsection to hold in his organs and he was taken for dead and thrown on a truck. But it was discovered that he was still alive, so was cared for and survived. Meanwhile my grandmother, Rose followed one of her older sisters to the United States. John soon followed after Rose having started a relationship with Rose just before. They soon married. John’s war wounds left him with a half of a testicle. That didn’t keep him from impregnating my grandmother with their only child, to become my mother. They lived in Manhattan and went through the depression. John had opened a pet shop at some point but then lost his store. However, he kept many of his pets, a good many birds and hung up the cages in their small apartment. He traded or sold them for food. At some point they were trying to qualify for welfare and they were told they had too many birds so would not qualify, presuming they could sell the birds. I can recall clearly when we’d visit them in that Manhattan apartment, all the bird cages crowding the small kitchen. I have little memory of my mother’s dad, except that he would take me to the city fountains in the summer to play and cool off. He got sick and died when I was five years old. I can see him in bed. He left me one thing he was fond of, a harmonica. I later became a proficient professional quality player. My grandfather also avoided doctors and would do his own health research.
My dad, also named Fredrick began dating my mom, Violet soon after his return from US Army service in WWII. He served in both theatres. I always wondered why war was presented as a play or movie. Perhaps that was my first question the first of many to come as I slid my way out of that birth canal. He, as so many others had an extremely traumatic experience with the war that would stay with him for the rest of his life. I didn’t learn to what extent until I was in my 40’s. His buddy had his head shot off while right next to him. He was a sergeant and piloted a tank. He was a good driver so became useful transporting ammunition by truck across the alps on dirt roads. At the time many of the trucks were in poor service. He often drove with no brakes in the mountains, at night during blackouts, when no lights were allowed to be used, fearing being shot at by fighter jets. My dad, who has since passed was regularity plagued by nightmares of his war experience. He would get out of bed and hold onto the side frantically, while shouting with great alarm. He was a kind hearted, hard working, fun loving guy. When I became a teenager I put him through a great deal of stress, being a rebellious youth. I hope I can do as well as he with my kids. Anyway, they hit it off and married.
BORN IN MANHATTAN
I was born in Manhattan, that’s “dirty New York City” as my mom and dad would joke as we drove in to visit grandma and grandpa. It was in the summer of 1951, sometime in the early morning when I popped my head out to take a look. My first stab at life was to shoot back following the doctor’s slap on my rump. I peed in his face. At four my parents bought a house on Long Island, a suburban town. It was a middle class white Catholic neighborhood then but soon became mixed with those of a Jewish faith. It cost them $10,000 and I later learned that was a year’s salary for my dad at that time. He worked as a salesman for a commercial refrigeration equipment company. He was generally good at whatever he tackled be it carpentry, plumbing, car mechanics or sports. In later years he took additional part time work to make ends meet and try to get ahead. It was 1952 and except for these suburban housing developments, our town was still largely potato farms. I can recall going to church, having been raised a Catholic, in a barn with roosters running about. There was always a bunch of days each summer that climbed near or slightly above 100 degrees, so hot and humid it was that I at times would faint in church service from heat exhaustion. I can recall then and some years later, passing out only to awaken to the face of a nun in those black habits. I always felt I was bad to have fainted though I don’t recall having reason to feel that way, except when you come to and a nun in that black hood and white habit is sternly even angrily admonishing me for passing gas… I mean out. I should have passed gas…hmmm just wondered…maybe that’s why she was angry?
I was a small skinny kid, light brown hair, freckles and bad breath yet a normal kid I suppose. I did well in elementary school, though was certainly insecure. I can recall screaming for my momma not to leave on the first day in Kindergarten. My mother told me that one of the first things I said that they took special note of was a question, perhaps at five about where babies come from which they didn’t know how to answer. In response to their lack of answer I said in a matter of fact way…”Well, things don’t just happen!”
SAID I WANTED TO BECOME A PRIEST
I was perhaps 9, about 1960 when I remember saying I wanted to be a priest. I had no interest in being an alter boy and have mostly bad memories of being Catholic. My best memories are going to church in a barn with roosters running around, with big fans installed inside for the hot weather. I recall passing out in church on 2-3 occasions, I think due to the heat. My system passes out easily. Maybe it’s an oxygen thing. I can recall on all three coming to lying on my back in between the seats or later the pews when they finally got a church built and seeing a nun with the black hood and white habit trying to rouse me and to be honest felt like I was being scolded.
I can recall at about 10 years old when my folks were about to leave me for two weeks at a Catholic Boys Camp, St. Dom Bosco, I cried and cried not to be left there by my parents. Maybe it was in part because I was a small boy and was picked on somewhat and especially by my friend who was a year younger but much larger who also went to the camp. I learned to run fast. That saved me at times. At others, my older cousin, also at the camp would protect me from him. I remember one thing I liked about camp. I sort of liked the singing we’d do in church everyday. I remember being bashful at first, but the brothers and nuns sang too and that was neat. One thing I hated was all the aggressive behaviors of the other kids. For instance at chow times, they might put out a plate of chicken per table. If you were not fast and aggressive you often did not get any chicken. But I never starved. Another thing I hated was the swimming lessons. Why couldn’t we just swim and have fun. No, we had to learn to tread water for three minutes and being skinny I was always cold in this upstate NY lake. I frequently was shivering and had blue lips. I just did not thrive on competition though in years later I played all the street sports well, even better than many of the bigger kids. I was fast and could catch anything that came my way, be it a baseball, basketball or football. And I had a good arm too. I could hit well and my dad taught me lots. I ended up pitching in Little League, but that was after several boring years as an outfielder who struck out a lot. It seems in life I have always been a late starter and frustrated by it but once I got the hang of something, I tended to excel. I also had a mischievous streak, though may have been taught that by an older friend who I grew up with that in later years I did some mischievous things with on his instigation. But he wasn’t at this camp so I certainly had my own boyhood cruelty. I recall crushing frogs with rocks. I confess, that was the extent of my cruelty to anything living, except for the times I would pull the legs off beetles and other insects and put them in arenas to battle with one another. I wonder if I imagined that they actually fought one another. Maybe they thought the other took their leg off. Who knows what karma I created there. Oh, yes, I would step on yellow jackets bees with my bare foot to kill them. If you did it with your heal real hard it worked well, though I got my share of stings at other times when I wasn’t trying to kill them. It was just something we boys did to show our machismo, something I had little of.
I loved watching the TV show, The Big Picture, essentially black and white war footage in documentary form. It was exciting to see those battle ships shooting off those big guns and all the GI’s running about. War was a theatre indeed; I also liked playing cowboys and Indians with my six shooters in hand. Yes, I was a cowboy – the Indians were the savages right? I don’t know when I reversed that understanding of reality. Zorro was a favorite hero and of course Jesse James and there were these two out of time outer space characters, Bleep and Blip or something like that, animations that would zip through space on adventures. That was more or less my first exposure to anything outer space, though a few years later there would appear the TV shows the Outer Limits, the twilight Zone and eventually; the Jetsons.
I remember a dream I often had. I was playing basketball and when I’d jump, like to do a layup, though it seemed in this dream I did jumping all over the court and when I’d do it, I’d be trying to stay up – in other words not come back down to my feet – yes…fly or glide. It took practice and in the first couple dreams I barely stayed up – long enough to reach the basket, though I never stuffed it or shot it in the dream. The technique I used to stay up was one of mind. It was like I was creating a pressure with my thoughts that was reaching upward to pull my body along. Maybe a year into these dreams I did glide quiet a bit and even remember soring like super man, not all over the world and stuff but all around the court. I’d be swooping down close to the floor and then exercise my mind to pull my body up, sometimes grazing the floor. I got quite good at it and it certainly was fun though at the same time it felt difficult to do. It never happened without that pulling effort that seemed to have to be primed anew with each episode. These dreams seemed to linger even after I awoke and I could go back into them. Years later I was told flying in dreams was a good sign. It meant your spirit was, as they say “astral traveling”. I registered that as…oh, I guess then I’m somewhat advanced in some way but never paid it any mind thereafter. I guess I could have tried to do it more and perhaps I would have traveled all over the world astral traveling as is told of yogi’s and such in India have experienced for thousands of years.
But reeking of being a late starter. I can recall being ashamed of my body early on, like in 5th and 6th grade and thereafter. I learned early on that I was not well endowed as they say and to top it off was slow to puberty often marked by hair growth on the body. I remember wishing I’d had some facial hair and then was stressed about how hairless my legs were. I was a dirty blond hair color. I remember using my mom’s mascara to paint the few blondish hairs I had on my mustache. I’m sure I looked great in school. I’d wipe it off before I came home. Once I forgot and my mom wondered what was on my face. I learned early on that if I was going to fit in, at least as I felt I wanted/needed to, I’d have to hide it from my mom, I don’t know about my dad in this respect because she had her ideas about how I should look and act. I to some degree are the same with my daughter. You don’t want to stand out as weird or poor or lacking self respect. For instance, in 6th grade I was into the Four Seasons singing group. You know, “Sher er er er er er eri bay ay beeeee, Sheri Baby” The “in” look at the time was tight black polyester pants that came up a bit on the ankle where they were tightest. Then we’d wear white socks and if we could get them, pointy black shoes with one inch wooden heals. It was later called the greaser look as opposed to the collegiate look of penny loafers and corduroy which my mom seemed to prefer. I remember putting taps on my shoes to sound real cool walking down the hall of the school. Of course I thought I had to hide those shoes from my mom so I’d leave them at school when I had a locker in 7th grade. My mom also had a favorite hairdo for me. She would take me to the barber who would put that gunk in my hair, that stunk like glue and in fact was as it set up my hair, making it stiff. I didn’t like it but it was the way it was. The part I hated more was the way she and the barber would comb my hair with this high wave right in front. I felt so square with that “doo”. So what did I do? I’d go to school looking like that and go to the boys room and with some additional gunk and a brush, unheard of for boys to use, I’d slick back both sides of my hair and pull a little wave down in front, you know the Elvis Presley look.
In was just about this time I can recall my first introductions to manhood. I didn’t like that either. It was 6th grade when I became aware of the birds and the bees as they called it. My parents didn’t tell me anything I recall. It was my friends that whispered this and that. I recall getting “excited” in the locker room showers. I was not attracted to boys. It just happened and as I was virtually hairless and small, I hid and skipped the showers thereafter. So I hated Gym for that reason in addition to the fact that I was near the smallest guy in my grade. For some reason, no one even considered a small kid could ever play basketball or football and I was at that time not one to rock the boat of pier pressures.
One thing I did excel in was playing hand drums on my desk. The song Wipe Out was a favorite because of it’s drum beat. I wanted to take up drums when an instrument was offered, but they said they already had a drummer or two so my choices were band instruments. I got clarinet and early on thought it was square. Where I got some of these ideas of what was square, I don’t know.
REPEATED ABSTRACT NIGHTMARES
I can recall two additional phobias of sorts that plagued me in about my 12th year or so. I would frequently wake up screaming bloody murder and I mean screaming bloody murder and it would go on and on. My parent were beside themselves with it. I recall why. I would be laying down, say on my stomach with my hand under my face on the pillow and that pillow would feel like it was growing huge like a house and then becoming normal or small again. It was well beyond reality and it was while awake too that it would continue. I was afraid to go to sleep for this reason.
At times it was during a period of high fever but then occurred at other times as well. The other thing was being spooked by the dark and especially in my room where a closet was frequently left open and it had hats on the top shelf and long overcoats hanging so looked like a person was there. I would hide under the covers. I’d wake up an stare at the shadows near ready to swear someone was there.
It reminds me, how my daughter of 9 is afraid to go to sleep and is afraid of the dark and of any loud noises and of any hint of even playful rabble rousing between people. Like if I started playing with my partner, tickling or something or with my older stepdaughter in a rollicking way she would freak out and scream like we were murdering one another. She got a double dose of types of sensitivity or over active imagination some might call it – others a type of intuitiveness or antenna as to things that we can’t readily see happening around us at times and/or a type of genetic memory of past experiences perhaps. I don’t actually believe in past lives though at that time I thought it made sense. Not that I don’t believe in the existence of spirit…I do, but it seems it is created by our mind, a combination of life experiences and genetic inclination and application.
My first real bad impression of Catholics was when I was to be “confirmed” into the religion. To be confirmed I had to pass this fifty question test. It was mostly memory questions, like: Where is God, the answer to which was: God is Everywhere. Well, I couldn’t pass the test and don’t recall what questions I got wrong, but do recall myself with Mother Superior and my mother at the Catholic school where I had my religion classes once a week drilling me on these questions in a last ditch effort to get me to pass. I did not and the nun was angry with me, that was clear to the point that I did some crying. I guess I was what some might call a cry baby at times. I don’t know that I ever passed the test but I was confirmed. My mother gave me the confirmation name of Scott, named after Scott Carpenter the second American to orbit the earth and the fourth American in space. Do you think that had something to do with being interested in space or why I became a space case?
I recall in some later years when at these evening Catholic adolescent meetings I felt like I excelled at their religious curriculum when it had less to do with memory of some Apostles creed or some such thing. But I also skipped the meetings and went to shoot pool instead.
MOVIES ABOUT HEROS IN WAR OR FOR GOD MADE BIG IMPRESSIONS
And from who knows what age, but certainly in early teens I was repeatedly watching the movies… The Ten Commandments, The Greatest Story Ever Told, which was about Jesus, Gunga Din – that was set in India and had one particular spot where an Englishman took a bad whipping yet did not complain or let it stop him from his just mission. That seemed heroic to me. Another movie that made a big impression on me was Spartacus set in the time of Christ, as there was a scene in it of Jesus carrying the cross to his execution. I would get very emotional whenever I’d see Jesus suffering or anyone suffering for what appeared to be for no good reason. Spartacus ends with the “good guys” as it was portrayed, though are rebels to the mainstream roman army, perhaps 300 of them are captured by the Romans. They had them all lined up and the Roman leader asked who was Spartacus, the name of their leader. There was a long pause and a then one man steps forward and says, “it is I”, then another and another and another until all 300 stepped forward and were all hung on trees sort of the way Jesus was hung. It seemed so damn brave and honorable to have that kind of commitment.
I recall thinking…wow, I want to be a hero or martyr like that. I didn’t exactly have those words form in my mind. I remember thinking being a hero or martyr, dying for another or for God, though I had no idea what God really was but that this was the noblest of lives we could live. I just felt a yearning to be that. I guess it was like my 9 year old daughter who at 4 or 5 would say… “daddy…I want be her” when she’d see someone glamorous or a good cheerleader or something. But I was not in reality all that brave. I was in fact very protective of myself – didn’t generally take big risks like other kids.
When I finally got into 7th and 8th grade, my grades started going downhill. I recall laying in my upper bunk bed at home and trying to make myself do the solo man sex thing, well you know and I just couldn’t get it to happen and I was quite frustrated by it. I was very shy, had very few school friends and did not excel in anything in particular.
At about this time, I’d joined the PBC which stood for Police Boys Club. It was a Navy formatted boys club. We wore Navy uniforms and my dad and other dads and an occasional older kid were the officers. We’d march and learn to handle a rifle in a ceremonial way. I remember one time while we were at an outing in New London, Connecticut on the Naval base there staying for the night. We were all going to bunk down in bunk beds on the base and the commanding officer of our group said good night and I replied “Guten Nacht” – German for good night. Silence. The next morning I had KP duty. The real sailors there thought it was quite funny. I was a bit of a joker but it was natural for me to speak some German as my grandmother taught me some as she was from Austria and spoke German. After KP duty we put on a drill team performance for the cadets stationed there. I was small so I was on the last row of the drill team marching in full blues. The command was “double to the rear, harch” as they would say which meant for the entire platoon to reverse direction at the same time and then reverse it again to continue marching in the original direction. I failed to do the second reversal so I was marching in the opposite direction from the rest of the platoon. I guess that sums up the story of my life in some ways. I just couldn’t get with the stream. My grandmother used to call me “wrong way Peabody” named after that cartoon character who drove airplanes and cars and such while sitting backwards. I got better at drilling though and ended up training younger cadets, but the highlight for me of the entire experience was when they started a drum core. I got a snare and I immediately took to it like a duck to water. And with it they gave us a rank to go with our experience, so overnight I went from a seaman first class to a first class petti officer and then I got to order younger cadets around, though I never gravitated to doing so.
ENTRY TO “DELINQUENT” BEHAVIORS
By the 9th grade I began smoking cigarettes, naturally on the sly. My parents had both quit smoking a few years earlier, a good move, but I recall being sent to the store to buy my mom cigarettes. I don’t know who first introduced them to me. Perhaps when I began babysitting for a smoker’s family, I got a hold of some cigarettes. I was quite the sneak back then. While baby sitting after the kids went to sleep I’d find the cigarettes and use a razor blade to slice the bottom of the package to get some out and tape it back with see through tape. I bet he discovered it though I never found out. I had a bunch of baby sitter episodes the most memorable being on a New Years Eve – I was drinking Jack Daniels that I found in the house. I must have been 16 or so. They had this ham they were going to bake the next morning for New Years Eve dinner. I remember chopping at it with a knife, not in a killing way, but just in a goofy way and putting cigarettes out on it and stupid stuff. I never baby sat after that…I wonder why.
It was about this time that my dad arranged for me to work my first job, putting newspapers together in a drug store on weekends. I recall seeing all the things in the back rooms and couldn’t help but take things. I would take prophylactics, not that I had any use for them, and I began taking cigarettes. In fact it became a big problem because I began taking cartons, sometimes two or three a night. I would take them to school and sell them out of my locker. With the money, I’d treat my friends to billiards at a local parlor. I eventually lost my job and my dad confronted me about it and I denied it. I lied. I did a great deal of lying. I’m not proud of it. I got another job through my job and stole little worthless things. I also would steal cookies and candies and stuff out of supermarkets. In high school I stole change from the school store where I was trusted to work. I’d then go to the soda shop down the street, often cutting class to play pinball with the money. When I got away with it, I couldn’t hold myself back and would steal more and more. I eventually lost that job too. I was a petty thief and a liar to not get caught. I never made up a lie maliciously, like to get my way or to manipulate another, but to defend myself and what I wanted to do, I’d lie and lie and lie even in the face of obvious evidence of my indiscretion. My younger sister of five years once caught me smoking in the back yard of our house and I denied it up and down. This sort of came to a head when I was in a department store record department. I loved music and did not have any budget for albums so I took a shopping bag and helped myself to some 30 albums. This was my most blatant robbery. Usually I was somewhat cautious about where, when and how I stole but this time I through all caution to the wind and tried to walk out the door. I was nabbed and taken to a back room and interrogated. For sometime I refused to give them my name, but eventually cracked and my mother came down to get me. I was let go with a warning. I guess I was lucky. After that I seemed to cease my thievery so it goes to show once a thief not always a thief and that the punishment does not always have to be harsh. I was grounded but that was no big deal as I’d just climb out of my window and back in before anyone knew I was gone. Yes, I was quite defiant of the rules whether they were just or not. I wanted to do what I wanted to do and did not take well to being told I couldn’t do it.
Now in high school with bad grades and no popularity and a girl friend that would not “put out” despite my advances, I was certainly a mixed up kid. I recall playing with my girlfriend – you know kid playing where I was trying to cop a feel and she would fight me off. I eventually got stronger than her and one time tackled her and got on top of her and was going to do what I wanted to her, which amounted to getting that first “feel” I so desperately wanted. She pleaded for me not to and I ceased and let her go. I recall a couple years later when I had gone to college and she and I had long since ended our on and off again relationship, I was fooling around with her on the doorstep of her parents house. She had had another boyfriend by then. She put her hand down my pants and determined the size to be laughable. I left her embarrassed. By that time I had had many make out sessions with various girls but nothing ever got more sexual and it was a big hang-up for me – a great source of frustration.
EXPOSURE TO RECREATIONAL DRUGS AND EXPLODING COUNTERCULTURE
In my junior year a friend, Mike turned me on to “drugs” for the first time. I don’t recall any big program to try to steer kids away from experimenting with such as they have now. It was 1968. I smoked some marijuana and liked it though I didn’t experience much. Mike’s friend Mark became my friend as well. Mark was a senior and after school his parents house became a haven for all manner of drug use, barring anything hard core like heroin or needles. There was none of that. There was plenty of hallucinogens though and I became a regular weekend tripper and a full time stoner. We began dealing to support our own growing habits and for the first time I had a click to fit into. I didn’t try the pot to get into the click. I tried it because it was offered me and I was into trying whatever was offered me. There were four of us. We were heavy into all the heaviest rock music of the late 60’s – Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, who at the time I felt was “evil” music, especially while “high”. We regularly attended shows of Procol Haram, The Beach Boys, Hot Tuna, Ten Years After and such. One time we went to a show and sat with the bass player from Iron Butterfly. He showed us how to roll a joint with one hand. The show opened with The Chambers Brothers playing, Time, then came Janis Joplin and Big Brother and the Holding Company and the headliner was The Jimi Hendrix Experience. Of course we love the Cream and especially the drummer Ginger Baker, a speed freak kind of a guy.
INTRODUCTION TO THE NEW AGE
We would drop acid, LSD or mescaline and go to a park nearby to hang out, listen to musicians and play Frisbee. Simultaneous with such considered to be mind enhancing drugs, as I never gravitated to depressants like heroin or opium, I began exploring religion/spirituality, perhaps stimulated some by Mark. I had always been a Jesus enthusiast, though had no interest in Catholicism. Mark was raised a Jew, but we would read our bibles together and go to the park barefoot with our bibles and hang out with older “hippies” some of whom were anti-war activists. We also read books like “The Tibetan Book of the Dead, Kahil Gibran’s, The Prophet, Johnathan Livingstone Seagull, essentially about reincarnation and many other “new age” materials that were becoming prominent in the United States at that time. We attended an introductory meeting in Manhattan given by the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi’s Transcendental Meditation Organization. A requirement for membership was quitting pot which by then was not my desire. I smoked pot and hashish like a pack a day cigarette smoker.
One time Mark came to me with a vivid dream he’d just had. He said in the dream, I, speaking of me, was one of the Apostles of Christ. He wasn’t referring to himself in that vein, just me. I found it appealing to be considered such but that’s about as far as it went.
I ASKED GOD TO BE “TAKEN”
In one of our ventures to this park, the Planting Fields arboretum we did our drugs and drove over there. Just as we were getting “off” we came upon a side area in the park where someone had created three symbols using twigs and leaves. They were the peace sign, the cross and the Jewish star all in a circle next to one another. When I saw them together, I was so impressed that they were together, I fell to my knees paying homage to that demonstration of great unity. I had a slight hallucination or dream perhaps. I saw the sky/heavens open with great light descending and it was as if I saw God. A few minutes passed and I turned to look behind me where Mark and Brad had been and all I saw were their bibles blowing in the wind. I assumed God took them and left me. I was freaked by it and fell to my knees again crying and asking God why I was not worthy. I got up and walked on, falling down every so often with grief. I was not so “out there” that I didn’t know my actions. In most of my “trips” I maintained control. I allowed myself to dramatize more than I normally would have when off drugs. I kept walking on and then saw them in the distance. I approached them and they were talking with a guy who was a year their senior. He explained that he had just come from Chicago where there were riots and he got beat up a bit. I looked at his face and could have sworn his entire face was constructed of scars, but I believe this was the drugs affect on me. However, drugs or not, this remained in my consciousness as a spiritual awakening of sorts.
FACED WITH THE VIETNAM WAR
Mark in particular was about to be drafted and his parents had hired a good lawyer to get him a deferment. I was against the Vietnam war, having had some exposure to the anti-war message and the political-economic real reasons for the war. There was no way I was going to fight in this war. I began considering fleeing to Canada. A year or so later the lottery system would be instigated by President Nixon and my birthday yielded 343 of 365, so the likelihood of my ever being called was remote.
NO INTEREST IN THE EDUCATIONS SYSTEMS
I barely graduated high school because by then I was a regular cutter of classes. I hated the subject matter, did not wish to study, was not involved with any school activities, was hanging out with other more or less hippies smoking pot regularly and tripping. But a deal was made and I graduated and my parents found a obscure college that would take me. I went away to Beckley College in Beckley, West Virginia. Until then I was still under my parents thumb. They would not permit me to grow my hair long which I resented but now that I was living at school, I did as I wanted and grew my hair and whatever beard I could. But college was a joke. I became the hippy I wanted to be. I did plenty of drugs. I was exposed to heroin but turned it down. During the course of all of my drug usage, with the hallucinogens I often hated that I took them. The beginning of a trip was physically very stressful, like being plugged into a wall socket. After that it was interesting, though still somewhat traumatic. But I continued in that vein in College.
VIOLENCE IN WEST VIRGINIA
West Virginia at that time was certainly not a peaceful place for hippy’s. I and some of my friends were threatened by locals and police, some were punched around a bit. A policeman shot my friends dog. A truck tried to run us off the highway once. I walked into a general store where they also had a beer bar and one of the beer drinkers, turned toward me and gave me the finger out of the blue with a mean angry look on his face. I never did learn why. It was just one of a number of hateful things I experienced at that time. Another time, I had just taken some mescaline and was lying in the bunk above my friends waiting to “get off” and the owner of that bunk in our dorm came in and violently grabbed me by the lapels and dragged me out of his bed. He among most others in that dorm house were football players and were big. He could have whipped me good. He didn’t. I would have just got off his bed. I guess I shouldn’t have been there. In this first year of college I was still sexually starved. There was one hippy girl I hung out with but I was not attracted to her much so we never hit it off. I bring this up again only because I ended up buying all manner of naked girl pictures and pinning them all over the wall adjacent my upper bunk in my dorm room. Nothing was considered “hard” porn but for that day and age was certainly risqué. On the week of final exams I dropped acid so didn’t pass even one exam. One close friend had his brother killed in the Kent State action. He was from Long Island. Out of anger, I can recall talking and thinking about bombing something, though we had no bombs or guns or any inclination towards violence.
COLLEGE MADE ME A HIPPIE
When I returned from college my parents freaked at my long hair and disheveled look and I suppose bad grades and thus wasted money. I recall my mom and dad on top of me screaming, with my mother pulling at my hair and my dad punching me in the arm. It was traumatic but not very physically abusive. My dad was a strong well build man and could have knocked my block off with one punch. My mom did almost all the physical punishment which mostly amounted to chasing after me with a wooden cooking spoon. She’d swat me with it and usually I’d block it. She broke it on me once. One time my dad was so upset with me, perhaps because I came home obviously on drugs, though to them it wasn’t that distinguishable, but this time he took me into the basement. He took a hammer and handed it to me. I took it and he told me to come at him to fight him. He wanted to level the field and have an excuse to really knock my lights out. I through the hammer away and took off saying he was crazy.
My parents were in no way bad parents. In fact I think they were unusually well intended but they had no idea how to raise the likes of me. It was an era of kids more or less being seen but not heard. Kids were not treated with much respect. They were loved but not counted as people yet. My parents were taught the ideology of “spare the rod spoil the child” the “Christian” way. I can recall in parochial school they at times took the paddle to a kid and some teachers had paddles and other physical forms of inflicting pain. It was still a norm, at least in the Catholic school back then. The problem was that this generation was experiencing something new as each does and the old methods don’t necessarily work for the better. In evolution all things need to evolve, peoples thoughts, actions and methods.
ENTRANCE TO THE WORK A DAY WORLD
So I was back from my “failed” college experience, working in factories, warehouses and such jobs while living with my folks and continuing drug use and whatever partying I could find in my home town. I learned that some of my boyhood friends had also proceeded with their lives. Artie, a year older than I had gone to college in Monticello, NY. I never learned how involved he might have been in the antiwar efforts in Universities nationwide. He talked of bombs being constructed and of the blowing up of them in certain student buildings and other more militant antiwar efforts. I didn’t know how seriously he was involved but certainly did not condone such. My friend Mark had become a bigger dealer, having big blocks of hash. I felt nervous once when we asked me to transport it with him somewhere. Brad, a year younger was crazy. He had set fire to his parents house, so they were temporarily living in motel. Mark and I went there to see him and while there was a knock on the door. Brad opened it and a two guys came in and one put a gun to brads head. The other held a knife on me and Mark. They proceeded to locate Brads’ stash of a bag of pot and some money. Some years later when I came back to Long Island for a visit, having moved to Oregon, Brad came over and was really weird. He took my mothers carving knife and grabbed me and put it to my throat. I acted as if he was joking and he was, but one never knew with Brad. When we partied together, I would drop on tab of acid and mark a couple and he might drop 7 or 8. Upon return from college I recall going over to Jeff’s house in Levittown. He was a friend of Marks who I knew before I went to college. He had become a much bigger dealer now. We were at his parents house and he showed us the gun he needed to carry to meet his dealers. I was not at all comfortable with all the violence and it’s pretenses. I did not hang out with any of these anymore.
I recall walking the streets nightly feeling lost and lonely talking to myself. I’d go to the local Howard Johnsons to just hang out, then go over to shoot some pool and back home. I worked factory and warehouse jobs for that summer and my parents asked me to pay rent but also wanted me home by a decent hour nightly. I resented having to pay to stay at my own house and not have the freedom such payment should have afforded me.
MY FIRST REAL GIRLFRIEND AND SEXUALITY
That’s when I met my first real girlfriend, Tara. She was such a breath of fresh air. I met her at a party. I was very stoned and acting foolish but began talking about reincarnation which was of interest to her, though I could not really talk intelligently about it as for one I had no intelligence about it really. I began hanging out with her and her friends. She was fun and seemed to like me, so to impress her I challenged another guy friendly with her to a contest of who could quit smoking cigarettes. She did not smoke. I never smoked another cigarette. I just needed a reason to quit and having a girlfriend, not that she made that stipulation, was plenty reason for me. We did go on to become a number. I loved her, not only sexually but as a person. We dated for nearly a year in which time she bought me my first Conga drum. She was tired of my banging around on her legs, a hypersensitive response I had since grade school. I got good fast and played with other musicians in some bars and in drum jams. She was more of an antiwar activist than I so asked me to go to Washington with her to demonstrate against the Vietnam war, which we did. It was 1971. I can recall being herded out of Washington DC by national guard, though it was mostly peaceful. But there were all manner of weirdo’s at the demonstration. One guy grabbed Tara from behind with his arm around her neck and she was getting alarmed. He was a big guy so I began to dance with him and her until he relaxed his grip and we scooted away. He was probably really drugged.
STRANGE PREMONITION OF DANGER
Tara was not a drug user at all. She got me to quit the hallucinogens, though they were not a big part of my drug usage, however I was still a toker as they say. One evening she decided to smoke some pot with me. We were in her room in her parents house. Her parents allowed us our privacy there. She started to hallucinate on one puff. She was quite sensitive and had only tried pot one time before that. She saw Noah’s ark in detail and was sort of freaking out. I got scared not having experienced this kind of response from pot. For some reason we both were getting more and more paranoid, a normal pot experience as it makes you more sensitive to an altered consciousness that still feels real. I recall looking at the door to her room and feeling tremendous fear at what was on the other side. I was afraid of opening it. I thought evil was on the other side but I was not that stoned that I didn’t know it could have all been my/our illusion so I went to the door. Just as I got to the door and unlocked it, Cara, Tara’s younger sister who was 14 years old came bursting into the room screaming that some guy tried to pull her into a car as she walked around the peaceful upper middle class neighborhood. After that experience I swore off pot and at that point all drugs.
DESIRE FOR ADVENTURE – SUMMER HITCHIKING TRIP
That summer of 71 I got it in my head to go cross country. I’d been up to Montreal several times with friends and people I met up there said Vancouver was the place to go. That together with hearing stories of red neck Americans harassing traveling hippies, as portrayed in the movie Easy Rider I was more fearful to cross the United States so we chose Canada. We couldn’t afford a motorcycle so decided to do so by thumb. Our parents were not happy but knew they could not stop us. That summer, we hitched to Montreal, then to Vancouver, then down to Tijuana, Mexico and back by the same route. On the way out, I recall going through the plains of Canada and people were telling us that there were roving gangs looking to pick up hitchhikers and abuse them, so I bought a knife for protection, though I never for a moment thought I’d have to use it and thank God never did. I used it to cut fruit, veggies, cheese and bread our road staples. I wasn’t really that paranoid. It was just a precaution in a world of good and evil. One strange ride was with a couple who seemed like partiers. They would drive 100 mph but it was in the plains so not really dangerous, just reckless feeling. At a gas stop we used the rest room, they drove off with one of our backpacks. I think they were tired of us and didn’t know they had our pack and didn’t care. So we had to replace the pack and the expensive sleeping bag we lost.
At one point in the journey we decided to spring for a bus ticket through the Seattle, Washington area. While on the bus we met a guy who said he was a reverend for some religious group we’d never heard of. He offered to marry us right there on the bus. I didn’t want to. Tara was upset by this. I guess she wanted to get married or just wanted to know I would, I don’t know. She pressed me for why I didn’t want to get married then and there. The reason infuriated her. I told her that I’d want to tell my mother or allow my mother to be involved. Plus, to me this guy had no more authorization to marry someone than I did so it seemed silly. I didn’t really see any reason to marry. I loved her and intended to be with her for my life. Looking back, I definitely had a strong compulsion to not add great responsibility to my youth. I remember when Tara was late on her period one time before we left on this trek. I dealt with the possibility that she was pregnant. I definitely would have been there for her and the child. I even recall that she might have been open to considering abortion at that time and to me that was out of the question. In fact the idea that she could be pregnant so affected me, that we rarely had intercourse after that and if we did, she was on birth control pills and I still insisted on the withdrawal method of contraception as it seemed the biggest safeguard against an accident. Actually her taking birth control pills was not my choice. It was diagnosed by her doctor as the best medication to assist her with very extreme menstrual cramping. Each month she was in bed for 3-4 days with severe cramping, diarrhea, nausea and weakness. Nothing helped her but the birth control pills. I recall taking care of her each month when we lived in the wilderness cabin. She was not even capable of walking by herself to the outhouse.
THE REAL HIPPIE SCENE – SAN FRANCISCO
We got down to Berkley where we hooked up with that drug dealer, Jeff I knew on Long Island. This was a few years later and he was a lawyer but I learned quite a dealer as well. He bragged a lot. One night while there we learned of a Grateful Dead concert at the Fillmore West. We were avid Dead Heads in NY having been to a bunch of their dance marathon type concerts. We went and the opening act was Quicksilver Messenger Service. During the Dead show a girl was gang banged right in front of us. I never saw the girl until some guy dragged her out of the group. All I saw were guys emerging out of the group of guys surrounding her pulling up his trousers, saying, she’s liking it. I was disgusted by it – even sickened. We were hippy types but really more of the conservative ilk. We never had group sex and I remained off drugs entirely by then. That night we stayed in an old warehouse where I later learned was where Ken Kesey had participated in group hallucinating experiences. The next night we slept on the roof of the Berkeley free clinic. So we got our dose of the real hippy movement and were not really in sync with it except for the antiwar and music aspects. Then we headed down to Redondo Beach, south of LA to stay with another friend. It was hot and humid and the air was thick, thick, thick with smog. In fact I recall a helicopter coming overhead with a megaphone announcing for the suburban populous to stay indoors with their air conditioners on. It felt bizarre. We met up with other friends in San Diego did a quick visit to Tijuana and headed back home. I recall hitching through the apple orchards where a mass murdered had stashed bodies, near Chico, California and Redmond or so. I remember being harassed by guys in pickup trucks, threatening us. We were quite vulnerable. The police would occasionally tell us to move on and we’d have to walk out of the town limits. We spent many house hiking and waiting which is when I got a great deal of experience playing harmonica and beating the bongos I had tied to my 70 pound pack. I got some decent muscles from slinging that around for three months.
On the way back from this 10,000 miles hitch hiking trek, we got a ride in eastern British Columbia, from a guy with a suit. We drove through the night sharing driving and the next day stopped at a bank in Regina, Saskatchewan. He went in and came out about thirty minutes later. We drove to the next big city, Winnipeg, Manitoba. He did the same thing. As we got into Ontario and had driven though night two, he told us, he was a bank robber and showed us his gun under the seat. He didn’t steal by gunpoint. He acquired some payroll checks. He’d deposit them in one bank and withdraw the funds from the next. Then he asked us to take this rental car across the border into the states as he knew we were headed there. We declined sheepishly. I drove through the 3rd night with no sleep to arrive in the early morning in Montreal. We got out at a park and dragged ourselves to a tree and collapsed asleep for several hours. Who knows what ever became of him.
LIVING IN “SIN”
When we returned despite our parents objections we rented an apartment together. It was $200 a month. We both got jobs and decided that next spring we were going to move to Canada to try to homestead. I wrote away for topographical maps of British Columbia and decided where we wanted to look for land. Our apartment became a pretty busy place. We had old high school friends visit. I had more then than I had in High School. I was more into music then. I played some sax and drums and harmonica so our parties were loud. Two good friends, Mike and Jack had joined the Navy. When they were on leave or AWOL, they would come stay with us. There were many a weekend we would hitch to stay at their house as they lived off base. They were stationed in Newport, RI on the Intrepid. When we’d visit them, they always had wild parties but for some reason what I recall the most was listening to Credence Clearwater Revival, drinking beer as I was still off pot and reading the bible and trying to interpret line for line in practical terms. Jack must have thought me a nut case.
BOYHOOD FRIEND TELLS ME I HAD A BIG EGO AND THOUGHT I WAS JESUS
I remember my friend Artie, a long time friend who was of a Jewish background at one point told me he thought I had a big ego and that I thought I was Jesus. I thought nothing of the sort, though I had Jesus aspirations, though I did not know what they were. I remember thinking that Jesus was out of reach. How could someone have unconditional love for everyone, I thought. How could someone love someone who grossed them out for instance, or an enemy. I don’t know where Artie was coming from. The only thing I can think of is that my college experience gave me some identity and then finally having a full time girlfriend and living in my own apartment made me feel more grown up, so that did build some self confidence but how that came across to him in a negative sounding “ego” sense, I’ll perhaps never know. Perhaps the fact that he was then living at home and didn’t have a girlfriend and I guess I talked about Jesus some entered into it. It wasn’t like I was a Jesus freak and certainly was not evangelical or a preacher. I simply sought to understand what the historic person was about. I didn’t even think of him in a traditional Christian way of being the Son of God.
I was working on the other end of Long Island for a handyman. It was difficult work especially during winter. I would hitchhike to and from work daily and it was cold and dreaded but it paid the bills. Tara was working for her Uncle in Manhattan. She’d take our only car or the train. One day on the way to work, it was raining and she skidded off Northern State Parkway, a curvy road and totaled the back end into a tree. Fortunately she was not hurt at all. The car still ran but would not hold much gas and looked atrocious. I ended up ripping off the back and building it into a station wagon with a wood back made of salvaged materials. I put in a new gas tank and exhaust system. My dad taught me basic mechanics and I had a bunch of cars to practice on over the years. As the winter came I lost my handyman job and found one in a drug store. We had our beefs with our current apartment so moved out to Centerport. We got a big house on a pond. It was great but not without weirdness. Next door on the same property was the main house also rented out but to a group of college students who had wild sex escapades, or so I was told. We never attended, but it was not much of a secret. To afford the $300/mo. rent we rented out a room for $100/mo. to a x-rugby player from England.
MY FIRST JUGBAND
One of our regular activities at the house, on weekends was to have jug band parties. My friend Artie would come over with his friends Dave and Tim and sometimes there were others. We’d drink fruity brandies chased with Guinness Stout Irish beer and get drunk while playing washtub bass, washboard, spoons, harmonica, congas, bongos, dulcimer and jaw harp among other percussive instruments. I’m sure we sounded like hell but it was fun. We also enjoyed watching the community skate on the pond, literally outside our living room window. When we left, he was behind on rent by several months and left a big hole in the wall from his rough sex with his girlfriend that he did not tell us about until the landlord was coming to check the house. We lost our deposit due to him. However, I was wanting to get something from him. It just so happened his tires were the same size as our mustang tires and ours were bald and his were not. so I put his tires on my car and mine on his. His girlfriend found out about it and said he was after us. We left the house ahead of schedule and within a few days were on the road to Canada, this time not as a vacation but in search of a new life in a country with socialized medicine and no wars and perhaps inexpensive beautiful British Columbian land.
MOVED TO BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA TO HOMESTEAD
We started out in the Okanagan Valley, near Penticton, B.C. orchard country. The jet stream across the Pacific kept the area relatively tepid. It had snow but not as much as one might expect that far north. We got jobs picking fruit while we inquired on land availability. We had only saved a couple thousand dollars for land and my plan was to build my own log home with the wood on the land. At least that was our plan, however naïve. A few months into being there, our trusty 1976 Ford Mustang custom station wagon broke down. I spend hours under it trying to repair it but to no avail so we ended up leaving it for dead and bought a 1949 GMC pickup truck for $300 which was more suited to rural mountain life. Some of the people we met in the orchard towns told us that the Clearwater, BC area was nice and there were quite a few people settling up there. As the summer was already ending and we had spent far more than we were taking in, we took their advise and headed north to Clearwater, in the Canadian Rocky Mountains. We had a contact there who was very near the Wells Gray Provincial Park, some 30 miles along a dirt road from Clearwater, a town with a population of less than 1000 people, mostly consisting of mill workers, hunters and trappers. After being there a couple weeks we were just about broke. I recall living off of crackers, peanut butter and jelly day after day for the better part of a week before I found a job working for the provincial park on road maintenance. One of my jobs was to haul water to the workers camp everyday. We pumped water from the creek into a tanker truck to then pump it into the storage tank that fed the camp. Meals were provided to me but not to Tara so at lunch time, she would drive over to where the mess hall was and I’d sneak out food for her. As the summer season ended the job ended but I got another job working on a cattle ranch. We were given a cabin to live in on a remote part of the ranch that bordered the mountain wilderness that extended for many hundreds of miles north. We lived in that cabin through the winter. To live the winter we needed to tap into our last nest egg of perhaps $1000. The cabin had no facilities and we were expecting over 60 inches of snow and extended below zero temperatures so we needed to gear up. We traveled to Kamloops a hundred miles west for supplies. We bought a rifle and a shotgun to hunt. I decided if I was going to eat flesh foods I was going to hunt it myself. I had studied up on that as well while still in New York. We bought a Wood cook stove and an airtight heating stove to heat a poorly insulated log cabin of one room that was about 20 foot square at best. There was a creek 30 yds. from the house so I filled up a big milk urn and used a ladle. The out house was 10 yards away. I cut my own wood supply throughout the winter. Our driveway was a bear, a mile long, but one advantage was it was plowed by the provincial park people. I got chains for my truck and had a box outside the house to use as a freezer. We bought sacks of flour, grain and beans and rice and had access to some veggies in Clearwater 30 miles away.
This is where I learned to fall trees and wow did I make every mistake in the book and near killed myself several times. I was a lousy hunter though I went out daily in the foot of new snow that would fall nightly. We also made leather products, handbags, hats, belts and such and sold in a local store and to local farmers a bit. Tara was a good artist so would paint on leather as decoration. I looked for more work in Clearwater at the mill but jobs were few at the time and they didn’t take too kindly to giving them to Yankees from the states. Most of our friends were draft dodgers who came up there to escape the Vietnam draft and married Canadian women to become citizens. Our cabin was the last building on the trailhead to the mountain wilderness, a park that had many huge waterfalls and a majestic peak at every turn. Some mornings we would be awoken by a fully outfitted hunting party. They would all be mounted on horseback and have a couple pack animals. We’d make them a pot of coffee and see them off. We became good friends with a woodsman and his wife who also worked on the ranch but about a mile away from us. He had a good 4X4 and helped me get my truck out of the ditch several times. My chains would snap and the ice was treacherous at times and we almost slide right down the mountain several times. Just to get up my driveway, I’d have to gun it and fishtail around two dogleg turns climbing over a ridge. Sometimes I’d be coming home late at night from looking for work and would leave the truck on the road and walk a couple miles back in the heavy snow with no lights anywhere. I could not even see my hand in front of me and would know if I was on the road when I would start to hit the snow banks on the sides from previous plowing. We had a pet weasel in our cabin. He was pure white and would run around on the inside of the logs as we watched from our bed. We remained warm and cozy. Here we were suburban kids barely in their 20’s living in the wild. Stories abounded by the locals of this old timer who was attacked by a bear while in his bed and how he for some reason burnt down his house. In fact that old burned down house was in view of where our cabin was. There was nothing left but the foundation but it made the stories real. Part of the reason I bought a rifle was for protection from the wild that we so closely bordered. We had no telephone or neighbors within miles with which to dial 911. The woodsman friend Dave and Joan told of his experience in the northlands. He shot a wolverine with a six shooter, off his leg, no less as it was making his way to his throat. He was no story teller. He had all the scars to prove he’d lived one heck of a tough life, raised by his trapper/hunter dad. I never did shoot anything except a squirrel and grouse which don’t eat too well with buckshot imbedded, but Dave shot a dear and I skinned it and he gave us a large part along with moose meat he shot.
We made a bunch of friends up there. We had a sense of community. A new couple got married and I played hand drums at their ceremony. Then we all got together for a chinking party. They had a log cabin where they were going to live. Chinking is the stuff one puts in between the logs to keep out the weather. It can be made from any number of combinations of materials but straw and mud mixed together is a common one. At least that is what we used. People brought food, so it was a pot luck and a present to the bride and groom to get their cabin chinked for the harsh winter.
When we first went to Canada to live, we camped in the Okanagan area, on orchards where we picked fruit for some living. That summer we made a bunch of friends, other fruit pickers and such. We ended up starting some long term relationships. We often had get together around the fire where we played music. I was a decent percussionist and harmonica and recorder player. There were a few string players and singers so we had a band. Some of these ended up in the Clearwater area as well and we had a number of music fiascos. In fact in the middle of winter I organized a ho down in an empty community hall. We invited anyone and everyone and had a hoot. My draft dodger friends, some of whom were also of the hippy types would smoke some pot. They wanted so badly to get me stoned, but I was not interested. I was not even tempted.
CANADA DREAM SQUASHED – OFF TO JAIL I GO
Well, one day, while getting a few supplies from town, two Canadian Mounties pulled over our truck and took me to jail, instructing Tara to gather our belongings and meet me at the border. I was being deported. I never did learn what led to my arrest but the charge was working without a visa. This was true. I did not do anything official to be living and working in Canada legally. Canada to me was my backyard. My parents took the family to Canada several times for vacations. I traveled up to Canada by car and by thumb a number of times. I walked across the border with a backpack. I didn’t think of Canada as another country but that was my naivety of course and my idealism that borders were man made and really of no consequence. This was a wake up call, that’s for sure.
But, I can’t say it was completely unanticipated. When I started working for the Provincial Parks, I used the assumed name, Clay. Clay had been a nickname Tara’s little sister gave me. My thinking at the time was, if Canada had a problem with my working illegally, then at least my real name would not be on the books so to speak. I know this thinking was quite flawed but at the time, at 20 years old, I thought it made sense and surprisingly enough Tara went along with it. Then to further emphasize our sense at the time that we were in fact living in Canada illegally and could be apprehended, we decided upon a strategy to attempt to correct this, however ill conceived.
Somehow we got the idea, that if we left Canada, then upon return we would have a fresh start. What was flawed with this idea was that we never planned to officially leave Canada as we never officially entered, so who would know we were reentering? Well we did it anyway and it was not without incident. We took our British Columbia registered truck across the border into Blaine, Washington. Then we virtually turned the truck around and tried to reenter. At the border the Canadian Border guard asked me if I had used Marijuana. I suppose looking like a hippy, that was a standard question to ask. Well, since I had not used marijuana for several years, I said…”I haven’t used it for years”. Well, that was not the time to be honest. He refused us entrance and we were in a jam because we didn’t know if we’d get home. Our plan at this point was to try to get across another border crossing. We did know that the border guards might have communicated with one another but we had to take that chance. So we proceeded east in Washington state to the next crossing and the guard seeing that we had a British Columbia truck suspected that we were living in Canada illegally, instead of vacationing and refused us entry. We were starting to freak over this. We went into the nearest town to the border and started to inquire from anyone we thought might know, how we might get across the border unnoticed. We knew this was dangerous but felt between a rock and a hard place. One fellow told us of people who have crossed at a ranch. Sometimes there are dirt roads and we might have to cut a wire fence. We considered doing that but we decided before going that far, we might try one more border entrance. Well, somehow this next border guard let us through. We figured that perhaps their communication link broke down and this guard was not so conscientious. I recall driving north in Canada at the Penticton crossing, wondering if some Mounties would be in our pursuit. We made it back to our cabin and from that point on wondered if someday we’d be apprehended. It was months before those Mounties pulled us over. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Mounties put out the watch for us based on our truck and appearance and license plate. We did not have an address though we did get our mail general delivery at the Clearwater post office which we did check when we came into town. They could have learned we were in town from that.
I was taken to a jail in Kamloops, a town of about 50,000 people. It was a difficult experience because at the time I had a toothache and they would not give me any pain relievers as they were afraid I was a drug user. The only way I could get momentary relief was by swishing cold water on the tooth. So I ended up pacing the cell day and night. A few days later I was given a hearing. I had no lawyer and no case so it was just a matter of time until I would be transported south. I remember when Tara showed up at jail and she saw me in my jail clothes, she cried. She had our stuff, all except for our beautiful wood cook stove that no one could help her with. Other friends did help her but they couldn’t fit the stove. A few days later I was headed south in a jail bus. We were on the road and because I was drinking so much water to keep my toothache at bay, I had a full bladder. I yelled out that I needed to relieve myself and I was ignored. I waited a bit and said it again and again nothing. The third time I yelled out that if he didn’t stop soon I was going to pee on the floor rather than damage my bladder. He said, hold off, we’d be at a stop momentarily. We stopped at the next town where they had a jail and I could be safely let it to relieve myself.
CRYING AT THE BORDER
We arrived at the border and I was let loose to walk over to the American side. It was Washington state. Tara was already there with the truck. We both went in side to US customs – a small office manned by one or two officials. I remember how we both cried at being extricated from a place we had grown to love. The border guard was actually sympathetic and comforting. Nonetheless, we headed south towards Yakima, Washington. We had $50 left to our names.
We had decided to head to the west coast of Oregon, where I thought perhaps I could get fishing work. I was raised a fisher. My dad, uncle and granddad, the Czech side of the family were fishers and would take myself and my cousin out fishing weekends. We caught flounders, blowfish, fluke, crabs, eel and whatnot. I have this image of boiling crabs at home followed by my mom sitting for hours picking crab meat out of shells leaving a mountain of shells. I did my fair share of gutting and cleaning of fish as well.
JESUS FREAKS TAKE US IN
When we got to Yakima, we heard a clunk from the engine area and as it ended up, we lost our highest 3rd gear, so we were stranded.
We were looking for someone to help us in Yakima and saw this man walking, a tall bearded man. He actually approached us and asked if he could help us. His name was Ted. He was part of a small group of what might be called Jesus freaks of the day. They were an independent from any formal church group type of group. They took us in to their home, where perhaps three couples lived. Ted was a talented guy and a mechanic and fixed our truck. It needed a new transmission. He located it and personally installed it and didn’t even take our $50. We were there for about two weeks at which time we shared in their work and needs and their worship services. They had music in their services so I participated in that. I also did a great deal of debating scripture with them. From reading scripture a great deal I was aware of certain hypocrisies, at least that’s what I called them. I would bring them up and debate them with them. They send us off with a fixed truck, not one iota poorer than when we came. They were often helping anyone and everyone in the community. These were people truly trying to serve God in the Jesus fashion as best they could. A year or so later, Tara and I returned to Yakima to pick fruit for a season and looked up Ted and his wife, whose name escapes me now. We found them and had a good meeting.
ARRIVED IN NEWPORT, OREGON FLAT BROKE AND OUT OF GAS
Well, we landed in Newport, Oregon and the gas tank was reading empty and the $50 was gone. We sat in the truck looking out over a pacific ocean sunset. I thought, lets find a place to stay for the night. We went into town, a town of 5000 people and about the only places that were open were the bars. That’s where we met Zanadu and he was certainly a character. Tall, dark and handsome but in the Charles Manson sort of way. He had a very low raspy voice, but he gave us a place to sleep, it just happened to be someone else’s bed who was not home at the moment. A couple days later when she returned she was fuming that we’d slept in her bed and in fact I was not happy about it either after I took a look at her. Oh, well, we were not that clean cut either. As it turned out, Zanadu was in the midst of opening a junk shop, three storefronts down the street from this pub where we met. He was collecting anything he could sell and he was certainly a wheeler dealer personality. So we helped him clean up the store and do some painting and then we put some of our leather goods in a showcase he had. We had leftover leather from Canada. We ended up putting handbags and such in a nice new age type store in Newport as well and we sold some stuff. Through Zanadu we met Robert. Robert was the owner of Zanadu’s house. Robert was a Brooklyn transplant who had purchased a bunch of old and in disrepair ocean view homes right in town and he rented them to anyone who could pay which ended up being fishermen, hippies and transients. It wasn’t a dishonest lot, just a poor one. Since we were NY’ers we got along well with Robert and he introduced us to Ron and Judy. Ron, another Brooklyn transplant had moved out to southern Oregon in the 60’s and lived in a real hippy farm commune. He had also begged the spiritual path of treks to India, where he got sick and was taken in by locals and healed and expected to marry the community heads daughter, a story right out of Kipling or someone like that. Judy was Ron’s partner, a young girl of perhaps 19 or 20 who had two children from another man, a four year old named Jenny and a 1 yr. old named Noah. Ron thought of these kids as his own. They had a great little apartment in Newport immediately on an ocean cliff living above some older hippy astrologers. Newport, as it turned out was a hippy haven in 1972. Tara and I met all sorts of characters and I began playing music with various fellows. I was gigging for beer at one dock side pub and that woman whose bed we borrowed was drunk as a skunk one night and tried to give me one heck of a sloppy kiss, which I narrowly escaped, thank God. I never did take to drunk women or casual sex though the idea of it had it’s draw – just not something I could really dive into.
I took a job making outdoor furniture with a pornography buff. I didn’t know this on the outset, until one day he invited me and the other employee to his house after work. I wasn’t interested. Besides my infatuation with the female body, porn seemed deplorable, though I guess it’s all about the same thing, sex, something I still had an hefty appetite for, though Tara’s was waning.
LIVING ON THE SILETZ INDIAN RESERVATION
We rented a house in Siletz, Oregon, actually on the Siletz Indian reservation along with some roommates, two single girls, Michelle and Patty and their part time boyfriends. Kent, Michelle boy friend was a great kind of guy. We got along well. He played dulcimer and I played flute with him and we would travel around playing here and there. One time we walked into a field of high grass and sat down and began to play. It was a crazy house and Tara’s sister Cara, having graduated high school came out from New York to live with us. I had started to smoke a little pot again. Those two brooklynites influenced me. I held off for a while but in the music scene it enhanced emotion so served to accentuate our performances, or so we thought. But more so it was because Ron and I loved to talk philosophy and spirituality. Tara didn’t approve of my pot smoking and especially when I used $30 from the $1000 she borrowed from her Dad, much of which went into the first/last months rent on the house. The house was wild but not in a druggy or sexy way, just wild with youth and music. I remember being perfectly straight and crawling around the floor barking like a dog chasing after whoever. I guess my past drug use had fried my brain.
FRESH PICKED PSYLLISYBIN MUSHROOMS
One day Tara and I picked our own psilocybin mushrooms that grew wild all over the cow pastures in that Oregon coastal rain forest environment. We each ate about 20 and wow was it gross. They tasted bad, bad, bad and they were so chewy, chewy, chewy. We both got sick, sick, sick and heaved ho, wrenched our guts, but afterwards were in la la land for hours. I would never do that again and neither would she. What was strange was that Tara seemed to want to do it more than I. I had experienced the “trip” many times before and can’t say it was always pleasant, but she was virtually untainted by the alter consciousness. In fact, she seemed to be a natural trip. One time, when she was perfectly straight, she said she saw two beings on a ridgeline not too far distant. I asked for more information and she just said they were there. It wasn’t something she thought she saw out of the corner of her eye or something she was imagining. She thought she saw them. I saw nothing of the sort, no place, no how.
Well nearing winters end, my job ended and so did keeping the house because my boss stopped paying me. It was strange that the next time I saw my coworker he had a bandage on his hand. He had cut off a finger on a saw. While I was working there, I always thought he was a little too confident. The boss had taken a liking to him so he got to do more of the sawing and I did more of the sanding. I guess sometimes what seems like the lessor position might turn out to be the better one. So, we had a little money left so decided we were sort of stagnant in the Newport area.
SUMMER MIGRANT WORKER IN THE FRUIT ORCHARDS
We decided to hitchhike to Yakima, Washington and Hood River, Oregon to pick fruit for the season, which is where we reunited with Ted the generous hearted Jesus enthusiast and his wife, whose name slips my mind. The truck was just too costly to drive. While camping in the apple orchard, Tara tells me she wants to visit our Canadian friends Linda and Alde in British Columbia. I was against it as we didn’t have transportation. I couldn’t go as I thought I’d be turned away at the border due to my deportation. She went anyway and my heart broke. We had not been apart for even a day in four years. It was the beginning of her independence though. She hitchhiked up there alone. Alde was a handsome guy we’d met in Canada who Tara was somewhat infatuated with, or so it seemed while we lived up there. They stuck to tickle fights as strange as that sounds, at least as far as I knew but I knew there could be some fire there so I was a little jealous and that was part of the reason I didn’t want her to go. She also got into those tickle fights with Dave the woodsman which was also strange. I recall in our Canada cabin, Dave and Joan would come over for tea and cookies. There wasn’t any TV or anything much to do but read and talk. Tara and Dave would start tickling and Joan and I would just look at each other as if to say…what’s this about…are we supposed to be getting it on too, which neither of us really felt inclined to. However the main reasons I was upset by Tara’s trek north without me were her safety and yes, my loneliness or feeling rejected. Alde had been down to the states to visit us once since we left Canada and he and I were good friends so I trusted him. I recall sitting in my tent in the orchard at night alone and weepy. I couldn’t even play the flute. I just did not have the energy, the breath nor desire to create music. I was unhappy because I felt this was the beginning of the end of our relationship. I learned later that more stages were yet to come. I was no angel with other women though I never went beyond lusting in my head. I even had some chances but never took them. The reasons were two fold. I was shy and didn’t want to hurt Tara.
TARA AND I HAVE A FIRST PARTING
So she went to Canada and came back three or four days later and had little to say of her experience and I didn’t ask much either. Upon returning to Newport, we took another job picking holly, you know that Christmas mistletoe stuff with sharp pointy leaves.
With the little money we earned we took a trek around Oregon for a new place to live. We went all the way east to Bend, Oregon, then south to Crater Lake area and back up through Eugene and could find nothing we could afford but we sure burned our budget down to the end. So we went back to Newport and were turned on to a place to stay for $30/month. It was a big, broken down trailer in the woods close to Waldport, Oregon maybe 15 miles or so south of Newport. We moved our stuff and decided to spend the rest of the cold wet winter in the south, so once again we stuck out the thumbs. We made our way to San Diego where Patty our Siletz roommate had moved and she put us up. It was great down there in the sun. We even applied for public assistance with San Diego and they put us on a work program. I drove around on a truck picking up trash for 3 days and in return got about $100 and some food stamps. We didn’t need much. I have several distinct memories from that time. One is when I was at an airport, perhaps picking up trash as part of that job. I was approached by a Hare Krishna person. We talked and he ended up giving me a copy of the Bhagavad Gita. It was a 6 inch thick large book. Another was while waiting for public assistance a Jesus freak began a debate with me and I felt like I held my own quite well in his bible backed language as I was no stranger to the bible. In the end he blessed me but said Tara was the devil keeping me from God. I recall hitchhiking east from San Diego to Lake Havasu City, Arizona and this guy picked us up and said he was a preacher and that the Lord told him to pick us up. He said, whenever the spirit moves him, he gets goose bumps all over his arms and that happened to him when he saw us standing on the side of the road. I remember getting into Arizona and being broke and hungry and going to a church to ask for help and they gave us a voucher for some food. We went to Lake Havasu, again looking for opportunity, but also because my folks had just purchased a condo there. We stayed in it though it had no lights or A/C or furniture. It was not a good time. We returned to San Diego and met up with my sister who had just enlisted into the Navy, at my mother’s suggestion. She was stationed at Coronado Island. We hadn’t seen each other for some years, so it was great. She was grown up. I later learned that was the height of her party life in the Navy and where she met her husband who she became pregnant by and who then abandoned her.
So with no luck finding anything we were inclined to become a part of in California we hitched back north. On the way back, along highway 1, the Pacific coast highway, we hit a glitch. A policeman arrested me for hitchhiking as I was the one sticking out my thumb. What infuriated me was that he took me away in the patrol car and left Tara there alone to get home by…yes, by thumb as it was in the middle of nowhere and we were still virtually broke. We didn’t hitchhike for the fun of it. I spent the night in a local California jail. The next day we drove north a bit and I stayed the night in another jail. The next day they took me to Portland, OR where I was in general lock up. The next day I was arraigned. I was to pay a fine of near $300 I believe. I told the judge I had no money and no way to pay so he said I could spend 3 more days in jail instead of paying the fine, which is what I did. Tara made it home okay and she with some friends picked me up at the Portland jail. By the way there were no signs against hitchhiking, as there are on many freeways in the west. It wasn’t on the freeway. It was on the Pacific coast highway. It was ridiculous but they had the power over me so I went along.
To add difficulty to our situation, when we returned to our trailer, we saw that we had been robbed. My nice conga drums were gone and some other stuff. It ended up it was the young son of the landlord and I got the drums back and some other stuff but not all of it. I guess it was a karmic payback for my petty thievery which for whatever it was worth was never against a person with the exception of some cigarette from the person I was babysitting for and that was less than a pack. I stole from organizations. I’m not really justifying it. It was wrong. It was interesting though that even though these prize possessions of mine were taken, I was not angry with the robber, just like I was not angry with Hobbit in trying to steal my for all intents and purposes my wife. I did not try to press charges or anything. I just wanted my drums back so I could continue in the band.
ACCELLERATED NEW AGE SPIRITIUALITY
It was about this time that we started to get more spiritual. We began participating in various meditation groups around Newport. At one meeting, I was outside and the group said they saw a huge light in the room. Then for several times we danced with the Sufis. One other occasions we meditated on the picture of an ascended master, in this case Sri Chinmoy. A fellow musician who I played with sometimes and who was an exceptional guitarist was a strong devotee. Meanwhile every night I was reading the Bhagavad Gita while Tara embroidered and did whatnot. I continued practicing the flute and was getting better fairly fast.
THE BEGINNING OF MY FIRST GIGGING BAND – CATHARSIS
It was about this time that we met Paul, a good rhythm guitarist with a great look, a fine voice, a romantic style and manner and not bloated with success. He and I became a number in the sense that I was a good percussionist, harmonica player and I had just began playing flute. Mainly he needed percussion. We attracted a good lead guitarist named Dave who could duplicate every Dylan song he ever did. We didn’t do Dylan in our act though as our repertoire was all Paul’s original love songs in a Trinidad rhythm which I was fairly adept at maintaining percussively. Paul was of Trinidad decent. And then we added an upright bass player. We had a band and called it Catharsis I believe. We gigged wherever we could. We played at Canyon West in Newport. It was a combo Heath Food Store, Natural Food Restaurant/Bakery, New Age Bookstore under one large roof and in the middle was seating against a large stage. This is where I first felt the ego of a performer. I would gloat a bit I admit while setting up. I was proud of our music. When we first got together we were in The Dalles near Hood River, Oregon visiting friends. Actually we were seriously considering moving there to homestead on some raw land. We scoped out a site along with three other couples. While in Hood River one night we started playing music on the street, that is until the police told us to move along. But it was at our friends house that I got two things. First, it is where I had my ear pierced. Some girl who said she had done it before volunteered and put some ice on my lobe and then ground her way though my ear lobe with a pin. The ice numbness never really did take and wore off. She kept going and going and was admittedly having trouble with my earlobe. Finally she got through and I immediately passed out. If you recall I passed out easily from any trauma. Not a very tough guy I guess. I awoke a joker as usual though. That night the band first got together electrically and with a full drum set that I played in addition to the Congas. It was pure magic. Yes, we smoked some weed but the music really flowed. There were slow melodys that were heavenly with light cymbal work just in the right places and there were toe taping Latin sounding rhythms with sensitive lead guitar and bass work. We knew we had a great sound. We didn’t homestead there. It was just too dry to try to live there and build there though there was a decent site in a gorge by a creek, just not much access by road.
Paul as it turned out was making his living as a painter – a house painter that is so he hired me as a helper and it was fun and we played music all the time. We played for meals at nice trendy Newport restaurants. We played at a fair in a neighboring town. We played for slide shows. There was a local photographer that had just returned from Alaska. So he showed the slides and we played the music during the presentation and it was advertised and attracted maybe a hundred people and we were a successful band, at least for small time potatoes. I don’t recall our pay. I know it wasn’t much. On the side I played for a good Belly Dancer and her flute playing boyfriend. We did several demos for the Newport community. They generated a couple hundred people. I was considered a very good improvisational percussionist. I didn’t have to practice much with whoever I was playing with. I seemed to be able to stop and the right places and change at the right places and get fast and loud or slow and quiet at the right places and perhaps my biggest asset was an ability to stop on a dime to make really professional finishes. I also played for an African Dance Class. Nothing paid big dollars but it was something.
TARA HAS A BRIEF AFFAIR – MY HEART BROKE
But my music had some problems associated. I would always be on stage playing or practicing and Tara wasn’t really involved. At shows she’d be near or dancing and she was a good dancer and rather attractive with her dark Turkish look with long, long thick black hair nearly down to her knees that she’d wave around like a flag while wearing colorful long skirts. So she attracted men and one became her dance partner and soon became more than that. I was troubled by that, in fact devastated when I was out of the picture. I recall walking the highway talking out loud to whatever or whoever might hear me, angry but sad. I certainly had a jealous streak but not so much so that I kept a rein on her. I wasn’t that angry with Hobbit, as he called himself. He was an elf of a guy, cute I suppose, and he seemed to always be tripped out more than just on weed. He was likable and he loved the ladies and was a sweet lure. After a week in the doldrums I accepted her choice and decided it wasn’t going to rule my life. Shortly after my acceptance of her new relationship Hobbit dumped her, as she said, and she came running back to me. I forgave her and we moved on, but I knew we’d changed. We were no longer the naïve lovers we started out as. We’d been though a lot. I guess we both grew up some.
It was about this time, that we decided on a new direction. Robert, the fellow who owned all those houses in Newport also owned a 10 acre parcel of land in Waldport, Oregon, 20 or so miles south of Newport. This was his home, an A frame he built some years prior. We had become close to him and Ron and Judy so he invited us to build a house on his property and to live there. It sounded good to us. We had already been involved in expanding and tending a big vegetable garden there. So we located a spot, down in a gully, near a creek and built a lean to that we camped in while I began building our house. I planned to build a Tee Pee shaped house out of logs. I found the trees I could use on his property and cut them down, stripped them of bark, let them dry a little and then treated them with creosote. While they were drying, which wouldn’t have really been enough time to stop their checking, I built the foundation. I used cinder blocks. Robert had an account with the Waldport hardware store that he allowed me to use. He also had some old lumber and windows he donated to our project. I ran logs from one cider block post to the other, notching them together. I knew a little about what I was doing from my study of log cabin building before our move to British Columbia and I was handy with a chain saw and axe, the main tools I would use. Next I sank a middle pole into concrete into the ground and attached a carved star to the top. I ran the prepared logs from the foundation joists to this crown to form the skeleton of the structure. Next I laid floor joists to the middle pole and put down a crude floor that I layered. Then I framed the sides bringing them out as bay windows and then built a loft floor.
COMPELLED TO HITCHIKE BACK TO NEW YORK TO SEE FAMILY
For some reason I, at this time felt compelled to visit my family back east. Tara was not really in approval of it. We had a long history of contention on my relationship with my mother. I think it must have stemmed from the fact that when she was 15 she lost her mother in a terrible accident. Her mother was hospitalized for pneumonia and was medicated to assist with sleeping but apparently the rails on her bed were not put up one night and she rolled off the bed and hit her head, went into a comma and died a short time later. I can only imagine how that would hurt and affect one for their entire life. Maybe I’m wrong about this reason for Tara’s objections at my desire for contact with my mother. Perhaps it was also because my mother was always on my case about not calling them more often. I was not great on that score and frequently it was about cost. Long distance charges in the early 70’s were not cheap and especially for us as at times we were well below any poverty statistics. I called collect at times. Whenever I did, I got yelled at for not calling more. I wrote infrequently. I guess I was an insensitive kid who was out gallivanting but it was not really new to my mother. When I left for college, I already had quite the estranged relationship with my folks. I loved them but as I rebelled so from their parenting style so I could do what I wanted to do and went far afield from what to them would have been a good kid they could be proud of. Nearly flunking out of high school, and drug usage, lying, stealing, Hitchhiking all over the place, then shacking up with a Jewish girl (though my parents certainly liked Tara), then to move to a distant part of the globe, getting deported and living a hippy life so to speak were not considered favorable ways to be living. I basically fought against my parents wishes by tooth and nail and not being in more regular communication was really just par for the course. So when I would bring up to Tara that I wanted to call them, she generally objected and we’d argue about it, bringing up how I didn’t want to get married without consulting my mother all over again. But Tara agreed to take the trip back east with me and lacking funds and considering our truck was in disrepair we decided to hitchhike and this time we would travel a northern U.S. route. This was our first trip back east. It was an uneventful trip that took about a week. I remember getting to my parents house fairly late and night and as the door was locked I tapped on my little brother’s window. He was now about 14 years old and wow was he excited. We stayed up all night telling the stories of our Canadian wilderness adventure and life in Oregon. We stayed around for about a week. I remember talking to my brother and sister, who must have been home on leave from the Navy about spirits and reincarnation and how I came to believe in both. I am noting this because I felt like I had a real sense of the existence of spirit. It seemed more real to me than what we only read about and wondered about. While in my home town I remember, my mom and dad had sold a car for me, one I left behind years back. They decided to give me my share of the money, a little over $200 bucks. I took it and bought a new flute. I had been using a nickel plated student model and now I was getting a brand new silver plated student model. While home on Long Island I visited with an old boyhood friend, Ron, who was now a professional drummer working the upstate New York clubs. He was teaching drums also and just so happened had a drum set a student was upgrading from, so he offered it to me for nothing or next to nothing. We shipped them to Oregon. We spent time with most of my extended family. We also spent plenty of time with Tara’s family. They liked me in general, that is her dad, stepmom and Uncle. The rest of the family didn’t like that I was a Catholic. They made that known during several family gatherings. They were outright nasty with things they would say but I was the guy their Tara had chose so what could they do.
Tara was quite independent minded. Tara’s uncle wanted her to visit her grandmother and didn’t want her hitchhiking so he bought us a bus ticket to Florida that would continue on to our new home in Oregon. It was about August of 1975 when we returned home and we were greeted by big warm smiles from Robert, Ron and Judy who were hard at work in the garden.
BEGINNING OF A NEW PHASE – A COMMUNE
Times were fairly good. We had a place to lay our heads building this new house. My band was regularly playing and I was making a little money at it. We would hitchhike to Newport and back frequently for music and a social life and for occasional work. Cara by the way had been living with a guy she met there. We would see her frequently around town. She had her own truck, somewhat like ours and seemed quite content with her life which didn’t cross paths with us much. Her dad sent her money now and again.
But our lives were about to really change in the most dramatic way I suppose it could have, short of something life threatening occurring, though this certainly was seen by our relatives as that traumatic.
THE END OF THE BEGINNING
Chapter Two – First Contact with Bo and Peep’s H.I.M – Human Individual Metamorphosis
It was in Newport, Oregon, a small north-western U.S. coastal fishing town where I was first introduced to the group via a posted meeting announcement. It was September of 1975, just a month after the 17th of August when I turned 24 years old. Tara and I had just spent the night at Paul’s place. I was the percussionist/drummer, harmonica and flute player in Paul’s band. We had had a jam session that as usual extended into the wee hours. Tara and I had been living together for over five years by then. We both grew up in the same town on Long Island in New York, a suburb of Manhattan where I was born. We met a year or so after graduating from different high schools and through quite a twisty turn of events that took us hitchhiking all over Canada, the U.S. and briefly into Mexico for over 10,000 miles ended up in Newport. We lived in Waldport, just 20 minutes by car south on the Pacific coast highway. It often took us longer to make the trek to Newport as we frequently traveled by thumb. In this case our 1949 GMC pickup truck, we’d bought in Canada some 3 years before for $350 was temporarily out of commission. The last time we drove it home to Waldport, it’s driver side wheel came off while driving 55 mph and we skidded on the wheel drum until it would operate no more. I somehow got the wheel back on and thumped it the last few miles home.
On this somewhat clear morning, with little sleep under our belts we stumbled out of Paul’s house, one of many old houses populated by hippies and fishers. We were not wild partiers. Tara never drank alcohol and only rarely tried smoking pot. Her personality was naturally high. On the only occasion where she partook of the dreaded illegal plant she nearly scared me to death and from just one little toke on the pipe. It was actually one of my prime introductions to the “unseen” world, setting the stage for future belief.
One night in about 1970 Tara and I were watching TV together, kind of cuddling like some lovers do and she decided she would try marijuana for the first time. I had been a pot/acid head for several years prior. Anyway, so we smoked one hit each. In minutes she was hallucinating with closed eyes that we were on Noah’s Ark and she was describing in detail the animals and all as if she was seeing it in her head in Technicolor. Scared me big time and I was trying to calm her down, afraid she was going to flip out as she was relating what she saw in a shocked kind of way. It wasn’t pot laced with anything as that was not done back then. I don’t know how or when it started but all I can recall is feeling fear. We were clutching one another like you’d see in Hollywood and I couldn’t keep from looking at her bedroom door that went to the hallway of the big house she lived in with her dad and stepmom. And the fear kept building for both of us. Now I did have many minor hallucinations while under the influence of other drugs like acid and mescaline in years earlier, but never felt this kind of paranoia from pot, not in the least. After some time, perhaps 10-15 minutes of feeling this fear – feeling like there was something on the other side of the door about to burst in, something evil, I was building the courage to go open the door because I also knew this was crazy – it had to be all in our minds. She didn’t tell me to be fearful of anything and we didn’t talk about it so somehow I was either being affected by her or something else. She also felt the fear and by then had stopped talking about Noah’s Arc. I sat up to go to the door, when all of a sudden the door burst open (we never locked it) and Tara’s younger sister of 14 came rushing into the room crying hysterically. She was an attractive physically developed young girl. She calmed down a bit and began to explain what had just happened. She said as she was walking home, a man stopped his car and somehow grabbed her and tried to physically pull her into the car but she broke loose and ran all the way home scared to death. Wow, was I shocked. I stopped smoking pot then and there. Besides dreams and feelings, that was my most concrete (non-substance induced) experience to demonstrate a reality beyond the obvious physical that had interface with the physical. Little did I know there were many more to come.
But coming out of the house, the ocean was as usual quite beautiful to see and feel. It was still a bit foggy as it is most mornings on the Pacific Northwest’s coast and less than fifty yards from the cliff perched beach house was a little general store. Just outside the store on a pole I noticed a poster and called Tara to come over and take a look. It read:
– Why they are here
– Who they have come for
– When they will leave.
Not a discussion of UFO sightings or phenomena
Two individuals say they were sent from the level above human, and are about to leave the human level and literally (physically) return to that next evolutionary level in a spacecraft (UFO) within months! “The Two” will discuss how the transition from the human level to the next level is accomplished, and when this may be done.
This is not a religious or philosophical organization recruiting membership. However, the information has already prompted many individuals to devote their total energy to the transitional process. If you have ever entertained the idea that there may be a real, PHYSICAL level beyond the Earth’s confines, you will want to attend this meeting. ************************
I remember reading it several times and commenting to Tara on the unusual content. “Two individuals say they were sent from the level above human”. “I’ve got to go to this just to see what these folks look like”, I recall saying to Tara with a curious but cautious tone. To date there were many groups I’d taken some interest in but none I felt like joining. She seemed equally interested and it became the main topic of conversation for the next few days prior to the Sunday afternoon meeting. Curiously the reference to UFO’s meant little to nothing to me. In fact a couple months or so before seeing this poster I didn’t know anything at all about UFO’s, that is except for science fiction TV shows or movies like the Jetsens, the Outer Limits and the Twilight Zone, fictitious stuff. But then there was one time while we were visiting our best friends Ron and Judy at their second story apartment on the same cliff where Paul lived and where we jammed. That evening Ron had the radio on and as Ron and I often partook of a little bud, that’s pot, I was a little spaced out, no pun intended, when I tuned into the radio part way into what to me sounded like a news cast. It was saying that a crashed disk had been found near Roswell and that it contained what were believed to be alien bodies. I perked up immediately and remembers exclaiming, “Did you all here that…there was a crashed disk and alien bodies found!!!”. Neither Ron, nor Judy nor Tara even looked at me with more than a glance and certainly said nothing about it. They were preparing dinner and Ron was watching the news on TV so perhaps they didn’t hear the radio that was on more for Judy in the kitchen though all sounds were evident in this tiny apartment.
However, unbeknown to me at the time my interest in what the poster said was also peaked for less obvious reasons. The part that stood out most, beside these two being from this “other place” was where it said how it had “already prompted many individuals to devote their total energy”. At the time, not knowing hardly anything about it, I hadn’t thought I wanted to do that, not even knowing what that entailed. I guess it did put a sense of urgency and seriousness on it that stood out among the myriad of spiritual movements that flooded the west coast environment in the early 70’s. Nothing of the dozen or so movements I was aware of ever spoke of giving one’s “total” energy. I know the fact that it mentioned returning via spacecraft to the next level in months didn’t affect me. I was not excited by the idea at all.
I remember talking to my closest friends about it and a number of them also planned to attend the meeting which was less than a week away and just so happens was to be held in a small restaurant on the coast just north of Waldport where I was in the process of participating with two other couples in a small startup commune. It was my friend Robert’s land upon which he had an A frame house. We had about 1/4 acre producing garden and I was down the ravine a bit building our own house. I had cut the trees down, prepared them and had begun my own T-Pee design made of large poles to a center pole on a cinder block and log foundation. It was about halfway constructed with lots of windows on each of it’s six sides forming the walls that squared off the bottom level, a floor, and a spiral staircase to the loft all made with either forest logs or salvaged materials. I had studied log cabin building a couple years before as Tara and I left Long Island hoping to homestead in British Columbia, Canada, part of that twisty trek to Oregon
Chapter Three – The Meeting – The Two
The meeting room in the restaurant was very full to standing room only, perhaps 200 people. There was a high stage area. Each participants chair had a legal size handout that was typewritten and filled the 8 1/2 x 14 inch page with hardly a margin.
This handout was the first statement of “The Two” as some called them, Bo and Peep to others, Guinea and Pig to still others, all names they used to introduce themselves. Their legal human names were not important to the content of the information they sought to deliver. Later they would take the names Ti and Do, (pronounced Tea and Doe – from the notes on the musical scale). This document was written in March of 1975 by Do (aka Bo and Guinea) while he was in jail for keeping a rental car longer than they had paid for. When the car they left Houston with broke down they rented another but quickly ran out of money to pay for it so periodically they wrote letters to the rental car company explaining that they had the car and fully intended to pay for it but didn’t have the money yet. In any case, they were apprehended for a completely unrelated reason which turned up that the rental car company had reported the car stolen. When Do got out of jail on a plea bargain for time served, at that time 6 months, they headed to a friend’s place in Ojai, California, where Peep(Ti) typed up what Bo(Do) wrote and sent out some ninety copies to every religious and spiritual leader they could think of.
The leader of a Los Angeles meditation group was on their list and was intrigued by their “Statement” so sent two of his students to meet with Bo and Peep to check them out and potentially invite them to speak to his group, which they did. Statement 1 read as follows:
What religions have sought to understand since the beginning of their origin is what is above the human level of existence. Most have taught that if an individual lives a “good life” adoring some savior that he will inherit some “heaven” after his death. Only if it were that simple. That viewpoint is as inaccurate as the caterpillar believing that if he dies a good caterpillar he will mysteriously awaken in a rose blossom and live there forever with the King butterfly. He must become a butterfly while a healthy caterpillar – overcoming his decaying option. If he rises above all caterpillar ways, converts all his energies to the pursuit of becoming literally another creature who circulates in another world, he becomes a butterfly. Likewise a human who seeks only to become a member of his next evolutionary kingdom may become a member of that kingdom if he completely overcomes all the aspects and influences of the human level providing he has found favor with a member of that next level who will direct him through his metamorphosis. As the caterpillar, the human can complete this changeover only before his death as a human. A member of the next kingdom finds favor with one who is willing to endure all of the necessary growing pains of weaning himself totally from his human condition. Members of that next kingdom are no more confined to human limitations than butterflies to caterpillar limitations. Nor do they in like comparison concern themselves with human type indulgences or concerns. However, if the human is thought of as the larva of that next kingdom then there are, at times, those who are approaching the completion of their individual metamorphosis and are beginning to have some of the attributes and characteristics of that next kingdom. When the metamorphosis is complete their “perennial” and cyclic nature is ended for their “new” body has overcome decay, disease and death. It has converted over chemically, biologically, and in vibration to the “new” creature. Approximately 2,000 years ago an individual of that next kingdom forfeited his body of that kingdom and entered a human female’s womb, thereby incarnating as the one history refers to as Jesus of Nazareth. He awakened to this fact gradually through the same metamorphic process and came to know that he had incarnated for the express purpose of telling and showing, even to the point of proof, that the next kingdom can be entered by overcoming the human aspects and literally converting into a “man” or creature of that next kingdom – the kingdom of his Father – one who is already a member of that kingdom. By His resurrection He proved that death can be literally overcome and that a permanent body for the next kingdom is acquired from the human kingdom. He did not leave His body in the grave. He converted it into His body of that next kingdom. This is the only way the next kingdom is entered permanently. Each human has that full potential. Jesus’ “Christing” or christening was completed at His transfiguration (metamorphic completion) and He remained in the “larva” environment, with other humans, only for some 40 days to show that His teaching had been accomplished. He showed them His new body and demonstrated a few of its new attributes, i.e., appearing and disappearing (changing His vibrations) before their eyes while letting some of His friends touch His “new” body. This could be compared to a butterfly remaining in the caterpillar world for a few days to show them what they had to look forward to if they chose to seek true conscious communication with a butterfly and were willing to overcome all of their caterpillar ways. Then Jesus left them in a cloud of light (what humans refer to as UFO’s) and moves and returns in the same manner.
There are two individuals here now who have also come from that next kingdom, incarnate as humans, awakened, and will soon demonstrate the same proof of overcoming death. They are “sent” from that kingdom by the “Father” to bear the same truth that was Jesus’. This is like a repeat performance, except this time by two (a man and a woman) to restate the truth Jesus bore, restore its accurate meaning, and again show that any individual who seeks that kingdom will find it through the same process. This “re-statement” or demonstration will happen within months. The two who are the “actors” in this “theatre” are in the meantime doing all they can to relate this truth as accurately as possible so that when their bodies recover from their “dead” state (resurrection) and they leave (UFO’s) those left behind will have clearly understood the formula.
Those who can believe this process and do it will be “lifted up” individually and “saved” from death – literally. If you seek those two while they are here they will gladly fill you in on the details and assist those who wish to follow in this “path.”
If this speaks to you – respond – according to your capabilities or needs. For your sake – give this opportunity your best.
End of Statement 1
I read the document rather quickly and took particular interest to it’s references to Jesus. Everything made sense to me but I wanted to see these two. What did they look like – two people who say they are from this “other” level somewhere in outer space.
They walked out onto the stage and looked ordinary. They took seats and just sat quietly looking out onto the audience without expression. One was a woman and one a man, both in their 40’s. They looked normal. I saw nothing about them that looked unusual. They both wore greenish windbreakers and in that they did resemble one another. They both had what I would call butch haircuts slightly over the ears on the sides. As they sat silently, I recall thinking, what are they waiting for? Some minutes passed.
Bo then began to speak about a “light” that has come close to our planet Earth that bears an opportunity for a very brief time. They said they were representatives from the Next Level incarnate to offer membership in that Kingdom. They said it was a physical kingdom with many members and that this was the way new members were born into that kingdom, by overcoming their human attachments when Next Level reps were present who would guide them through the overcoming process. They talked about the content of the Statement I’d just read but hardly digested so it all sounded new to me. Bo got to a point where he said the “process” of transition from human to membership in this Next Evolutionary Level Above Human, what Jesus called the Kingdom of Heaven was a kind of metamorphosis just like what we see in a caterpillar moving into the Butterfly world. The caterpillar must all but cease being a caterpillar to allow for all it’s energy to be used to create it’s wings – a new body that is no longer limited in the ways of the old one. He explained that it was the same for a human. When the opportunity presents itself by the incarnate presence of members from that Kingdom Level a human can choose to leave life as they know it to engage in their own metamorphosis. This amounts to walking out the door of one’s entire life to devout all their energies to this process full time. He reiterated that they were here now to help those who wanted their help. He stated that in practical terms it meant no longer engaging in relationships, marriages, sex, business, schooling, entertainment or family. He said that this opportunity was not open to children because they could not decide on their own yet and parents can not in this case rightfully decide for them.
At this point I heard a loud voice from the back of the room, “You ought to be shot” a woman shouted, and it’s about then that I noticed that the air around these two was hazy. They had two spot lights on them on the stage and it was lighter than the rest of the rather dark room but then I turned my head and noticed this same haze hanging throughout the middle of the room and it had a shimmering motion to it. I didn’t think it was smoke. I smelled no smoke and I was once a smoker so was quite sensitive to the smell. If it was smoke there was a lot of it but it didn’t act like smoke. It wasn’t as dense.
The air in the room was certainly tense with so many different people there listening to this plain Jane presentation of hard to believe material though for me it seemed to make total sense. There was no hell fire and brimstone, no saying anyone must do this, no pressure saying if you don’t you’ll burn in hell, no glamorous presentation, no paraphernalia as is so common with virtually every religious denomination and it was so simple. They never asked for money or had any books to sell.
Then Bo said, if anyone has any questions they can stay after and that there were some in the audience that have decided to make this their total effort who could help you with your questions.
I looked at Tara and she at me and we both had grins on our faces and knew this was what we wanted.
On the same row we sat in there were two of the group’s members Bo spoke of. They introduced themselves as Logan and Sooner – a very tall grey haired man in his late 40’s and a younger woman. We said we wanted to join so they told us to put our lives in order but try not to take more than 2-3 days to do so as they were on the move and there would be no way to find them if we did not make the agreed upon rendezvous where they would tell us where to go next. They also said the longer we take the more difficult it could be to take this step, as forces in the world would attempt to keep you from doing so. They explained that they were traveling and camping so we could bring with us anything that would be helpful to include camping gear, automobiles and of course funds. There was no minimum – everyone was sharing what they had. They gave us a park location and time to be in Eugene, Oregon which was just a couple hours from Waldport.
That’s when the Earth shook, not literally, but in our lives and the lives of those we had formed relationships. I remember going around to all of our friends to tell them what we experienced and what we were about to do. Most just listened but had little to say. Ron and Judy had also decided to join as did Robert who owned the land we were homesteading on. And Greg a fine musician I used to play with occasionally was joining also.
I remember telling everyone that I felt like I was sitting in front of the equivalent of Jesus. They didn’t say either of them was Jesus, just that they came from the same place Jesus came from and had the same information of how to make the transition to the Next Level – aka Kingdom of Heaven, not a place we attain to automatically after we die if we’ve lived a good life. No one knew me as a Jesus freak or even a Christian. I also felt my life passed before my eyes and everything seemed geared to that moment like this was my fate or destiny.
Chapter Four – Leaving my life behind to give my all to the metamorphic process
Tara and I knew we’d be splitting up. Just a few months earlier we had just such a preview. We broke up for a week or so which was very traumatic for me for most of that time yet I pulled through it and began to move on but as it turned out we got back together. This was different – it was a mutual breakup as we both seemed full steam ahead in this new direction not hardly aware of just how bizarre it was for virtually everyone else we knew.
One of the first people we told was Tara’s younger sister, Clara who was just 19 by then. Clara came out from New York to live with us over a year earlier, as soon as she graduated high school. After living with us for some six months in a house we rented on the Siletz Indian reservation, near Newport, she met a local guy and before too long was living with him and we hardly saw her.
Clara freaked out at the news or our joining and pending indefinite departure. It was understandable of course. Though she was living on her own, had a job and a truck and a steady boyfriend and lived separate from us, she still wanted to be close to her sister. They had been very close ever since their mother died from a freak accident in the hospital where she was being treated for pneumonia and was given a sedative to sleep and the attendants did not put up the bed rails. She fell out of bed and hit her head, went into a coma and died. Tara was 16. Clara was 11. I wish I could say I was sensitive to Clara’s feelings. I was not. I was more selfish than I ever had been before it seemed.
As we exited the meeting we ran into our two best friends, Ron and Judy. They were also planning on joining. We had just visited them in their seaside second floor apartment to talk about going to our Eugene rendezvous together, just a couple days away. When we got downstairs we were met at the door by Clara and two police officers. Clara had gone to the police to try to stop us. She knew Ron and Judy were also leaving and she knew Judy had two children – a girl whose name escapes me, who was perhaps four and a 1 1/2 yr. old boy named Noah. Ron was not their father. Judy had been separated from their dad for over a year or two by then. They were living together as a happy family. Ron loved the kids and acted as their father, but they too were taken by Bo and Peep’s message, so Judy was talking with her X about taking the kids for a while so they could check this out. He had agreed, I understood. The police said to me that Clara had reported to them that some children were about to be abandoned. I denied any such knowledge which made Clara furious. Tara said nothing. The police left and Clara stayed back and there was a great deal of yelling and crying between Clara and Tara. When Clara saw Tara’s resolve she threatened to drive her truck over the cliff. We didn’t take her seriously.
The next day Tara’s dad, uncle and grandmother flew out from New York at Clara’s behest to try to talk her out of this wild idea. We met with them including Clara in their motel and again there was discussion and lots of tears and some yelling, exhaustion and it ended with frustration. I said little. They all liked me, but then I was this Catholic while Tara was a Jew, so all the talk of Jesus pointed to my influence over Tara. I don’t recall in the five years Tara and I lived together that I ever talked with her about Jesus. I knew that she believed in who Jesus was but that was about it.
The next morning Tara and I looked at one another and knew we could wait no longer. We needed to leave town immediately or else who knows what might have happened to try to stop us. We had actually tied up our loose ends as instructed.
I did not have much in terms of possessions, a truck and some instruments I played – flute, harmonica, Conga drums and a drum set. I’d been in a band with Paul that simply formed when I met him a year or so before. He was such a tall, dark and handsome, charismatic, romantic singer and played a lovely finger picking styled custom made acoustic guitar. His Mom was from Trinidad. Paul had a natural flare for rhythm when he played and we were an instant fit as percussion was my first love, besides Tara that is. We were joined by Dave on lead guitar – an excellent player who knew and performed every Bob Dylan song that existed, though our band was strictly Paul’s originals. And we had a stand up bassist. Just a week earlier we were all together looking to buy a PA. We had gigs most weekends, often in one of several restaurants where we’d be paid with great gourmet meals. The most fun we had was playing for a slide show. A successful Newport photographer had just returned from Alaska and was putting on a show of his slides from his trip. Catharsis, the name of our band played for the show. It drew over a hundred people. That was the closest I ever got to my dream music gig of playing a score for a movie. Greg, another musician friend of mine was also joining the group, the H.I.M group that is. He was a very fine woodwind player of all kinds but wasn’t in our band. He was at another level – a jazz player – we were Latin slanted folk rock – not an easy mix so we never invited him to join us and he didn’t seem interested in us either. Greg and I went to Portland to try to sell our instruments. I couldn’t believe he sold what he did – an oboe, soprano sax, an alto sax and a flute. I gave away one flute to Clara and brought my other one with me thinking I could sell it on the road. The band was not at all happy when I told them I was going off with this group. None of them felt so inclined – none were at the meeting and by the way I did not attempt to recruit anyone to join us. That was the farthest thing from my mind.
As it turned out, Ron and Judy were also ready to go. Their kids were now with their dad in Lincoln City an hour north of Newport. Greg also joined with us and so did another good friend, Rob. None of us were Christians by the way. In fact Ron and Robert were New York, Brooklyn Jews who were a few years older than I and who had been on the west coast in communes some years before we arrived there. Ron had traveled throughout India and at one point fell very ill and was nursed back to health by a village leader who wanted him to marry his daughter, like out of some Kipling movie. Rob signed away his 5 acre property to a friend which included the A frame house he built himself. He had become quite a landlord in his years in Newport/Waldport. He owned perhaps 8-9 houses in Newport that he rented out to hippies and fishermen. He sold some for next to nothing and gave away others. He too was quite taken by Bo and Peep. So together we headed for Eugene with destination thereafter unknown. Tara and I had $50 between us to donate to the cause. We had been living hand to mouth for years. It didn’t seem to bother us and it sure made it easy to leave.
The Eugene destination was a state park picnic area. There we saw a woman sitting at a folding card table in the middle of a landscaped field. All around her though at some distance from her there were people milling about. I didn’t know anyone and no one was paying attention to anyone else. Some may have been park patrons. It was strange to say the least. So we walked up to this woman and introduced ourselves. She was expecting us and simply told us to move as quickly as we could to our destination – Colorado National Monument near Fruita, a small town near Grand Junction, Colorado where we would be met by some who were already there but who were only staying for a few day, thus we needed to get their pronto. Rob had a bundle of cash from some of his house sales so he paid the way in gas and food.
Apparently the groups M.O. was to be very secretive about their whereabouts and to only stay in any one location a few days. They didn’t even give us the Eugene meeting location right away. Initially they only gave us a phone number to call and a specific time to do so. They knew that some would not take to kindly to someone’s abrupt departure. On the road I began to write to my parents about my choice. I knew calling them would do no good. They were not in approval of my choice to be so far from my New York home, living with a young women out of wedlock, no regular job or income, long hair, so on and on. Whenever I’d call I’d get fussed at because I hadn’t called sooner, though I did not have money for long distance charges which at that time were quite expensive – like 6-7 dollars a minute.
Yes for some one thing does lead to another and strong addiction may follow, but for me as I proved later, when I was ready to stop I stopped. By the time I met Bo and Peep I rarely did a hallucinogen. I had returned to smoking some pot, after nearly two years without.
As I wrote my parents it dawned on me that it may have been more than coincidence that, just that past summer I felt strongly to return to New York for a visit. Tara was opposed to the trip. After all we had begun the house and garden in our new commune endeavor with Ron, Judy and Rob. Why go back, but I felt compelled to do so, so we hitchhiked back and visited with both of our families. My younger brother at 14 years old seemed the most excited at seeing us. We got there late at night and I remember knocking on a window that just so happened was my bother’s room. He peaked out the window and was shocked to see me. That was so precious. It makes me nearly come to tears to recall it. From there Tara’s uncle who lived on Central Park West in the big apple bought us bus tickets to Florida to see Tara’s ailing grandmother. We stayed with her a few days, my first meeting her and she seemed to like me and then took the bus back to Oregon. Several months before that trip, we hitchhiked down to San Diego and saw my sister who had joined the Navy and was stationed on Coronado Island Naval Base. We met with her and it was the first time I’d seen her since she was 15.
Was it a coincidence that just months before we were to walk out of our lives in such dramatic fashion having no inkling to do anything of the sort before or did our spirit or soul or wherever we want to call it direct us in some fashion. People who have near death experiences often say they saw their life pass before them in an instant. Though my body was not threatened with destruction I did have a very strong sense that all that I was – all that I did – all somehow came together to not only prepare my mind to an acceptance of this huge step but also somehow located us where it did to be in the path of this spontaneous movement.
As with all of us, we are the sum total of our past experiences and choices thus an answer to how this all came to be as a reality we did not question can only be seen through one’s life story.
Chapter 4 – On the road as UFO Jesus Missionaries Extraordinaire
We arrived at the Colorado National Monument just as the sun was setting. Our car weaved through the narrow twisty, turny, huge rock formations. Maybe it was my imagination but it did feel intensely energetic and for the first time I was looking up and almost expecting to see a UFO. Again, I didn’t join for that type of excitement, though I later learned that some had. After all the group acted as if there was no time to waste and that we could be whisked off to this Next Level at any time. I later learned, that sense of immediacy was more the projections of the group members who had joined from the first couple meetings that took place in Los Angeles and the San Francisco Bay area than from Bo and Peep. However, the idea of “hitting the deck running” was certainly part of the modus operandi from day one. The sense of no time to waste held on for the entire 19 years of my rather intense involvement – time was always of the essence. That’s not to say there weren’t many times where time seemed to stand still. It was a mindset, a consciousness each person needed to maintain for themselves. Ti was very clear that this would require a serious sustained effort. But Bo and Peep did not know exactly when we might be picked up, nor exactly how or where. When pressed by students they said it would take place within five years, but they never claimed an absolute date or period of time.
At the first camping area at the top of the monument we were greeted by some we’d identified from the Waldport meeting who basically told us where we could lay down our sleeping bags, as we needed to wait for more to arrive. As a couple that was a difficult point as Tara and I had done a great deal of camping and would zip our sleeping bags together and “snuggle” and she, feeling a little insecure perhaps at the moment, perhaps our last moment together as a couple, after nearly being glued to each other for five years, moved closer in the sleeping bag, to which I gently moved to the other side so not to be touching. I had no interest at all in sex at that moment, which was a first in my life, not that she was seeking such either, but I didn’t even want to go to square one. Still it was difficult for both of us.
We awoke and there were a couple dozen people all around, brushing their teeth and conversing. A meeting with the Two was announced to us and we all gathered in a little amphitheater, one with stone benches which is where we saw Bo and Peep for the second time. Again they appeared in their greenish windbreakers and as was most often the case Bo spoke while Peep listened attentively. They welcomed us and acknowledged the difficulties they knew many of us experienced exiting our old world. They stated that as hard as it is to leave loved ones behind it was necessary as this process needed your total effort. They said that those left behind would received special help from our Heavenly Father and would be looked after. We had to at this point have faith they would be fine and begin to cease dwelling on the past. And regarding the “past” it was the “past” and we needed to detach from it so we wouldn’t bring it up to others or ask others about their past. They said an essential ingredient we all needed was to establish a strong connection to our Heavenly Father. To do this they said to project our thoughts way out beyond the Earth’s atmosphere into deep space – as far as we could imagine, so not to have an imposter in the Spirit World try to masquerade as our Heavenly Father. They said we could ask for accelerated growth opportunities and the strength to handle them when they appeared. They spoke on influences, discarnate being, entities that are normal in the human world but who we will need to begin to give their walking papers to. In other words, spirits that may have been our helpers in the world could not help us any longer as with their help they want what they want as well – recognition of their role – seeing your success. No influence want’s to leave the planet but they will not go without a fight. This was a big part of our overcoming process – gaining a “single” eye.
They said some 27 new members came from the Waldport meeting, but some were arriving elsewhere, where we would be moving to as well. And they began to talk about what we could anticipate next – sharing this information as there appears to be a great thirst for it right now. And they answered some questions.
They made it clear that this wasn’t a hippie group, as many of us were and that they sought to maintain high standards of cleanliness and grooming. There wasn’t any philosophical talk but they made it clear they didn’t know when the demonstration would occur – when the Two Witnessed in Chapter 11 of Revelations are killed and after 3 1/2 days rise again. They fully anticipated this event but felt they must first gather those that are looking for this “information”. The focus was on the “process” and the “information”. The “process” was the overcoming of the world process and the information was the smelling salts that set us off – that compelled us to join. I learned later that most responded as I did – compelled to learn more and to do whatever was necessarily to have more. They also told us to select new names to match our the new person we were becoming. They said we could change our name as often as we wished.
After the meeting people started grooming themselves. Tara cut off the foot long braid I had and I shaved for the first time in maybe three years. There was a little sense of loss of identity from it, as I had built some of my identity in how I looked, so it was clearly one of the first shows of determination to engage this “process”.
That day, Bo held brief informal meetings with small groups of perhaps 6 new members. What I remember most from that meeting was his gentle way, but no sense of the saccharine niceties one can often find in various spiritual circles. But that is when he said to us…”this would be the hardest thing any of you could attempt to do in your lives – to overcome all your humanness and that perhaps only one or two of you will see this through. I remember thinking… “wow, that hard…I can do it…I will do it.” I didn’t at the time understand what would be so hard but I believed in what he said. I never for a moment in his presence felt his equal. I mean, I knew we both were in human bodies but there was something about him that I knew a great deal more about perhaps anything than I did, so I was in awe of him one could say.
That same day we packed up and among the six of us received directions to join one of six organized groups that were in the Ft. Collins/Boulder/Denver area where the next round of meetings were to be held. Tara and I were assigned the Boulder group and a ride was arranged.
Arriving at the Boulder Canyon site was uneventful. People’s tents were spread out among the trees, mostly hidden. It was a rustic camp area with not even a sign I could see. I was told we were waiting for one more couple who had been visiting their cousin and his girlfriend in Corvallis, Oregon, when they all decided to attend the meeting they’d seen advertised. They all joined. The Canadian couple from Calgary, Alberta went back to Canada to tie up their lose ends and were headed back to join the group in Colorado. They arrived the next day. We didn’t do any socializing per say. There were two that seemed to be the small group leaders and they asked if we needed anything and told us in general what was going on. So people stuck to their tent area doing whatever they wanted – read, fixed food they’d brought with them and so on, but there was no time wasted either. That same day, we all combined ourselves in a couple cars as there were only about 12 in this group and were instructed to meet at Poudre River Canyon, just north of Ft. Collins a couple hours north of Boulder.
As we arrived we could see this was a big meeting as there seemed to be perhaps 40 or 50 people. All were just sitting tight conversing with those they knew already, while group leaders were going back and forth as if they had some business we knew not of. After about a half hour Bo and Peep showed up and gave a meeting. In it they explained to us that we would all be holding six meetings on the same Sunday afternoon, perhaps five days away. Boulder, Ft. Collins, North Denver and Denver proper and a couple more I just don’t recall and probably never even knew. I knew there were some things, in fact many things I didn’t need to know. I trusted I’d receive what I needed to help me with my overcoming process. Then they explained that they had little funds and wanted to outfit all the new members, many of which joined with nothing with gear for living on the road as they thought we’d be in this traveling meeting mode for a while. They also explained that part of the overcoming process was trusting the Next Level, though the representatives sent – Bo and Peep to take care of our needs. That without giving over that trust it was like holding an ace in the hole in case this didn’t work out. They said we could all walk over to a certain spot and deposit whatever we want into that spot but to hold onto legal documents like drivers license and such. But we didn’t need to hold onto any money. Each group would be provided money for some of what we needed, that is, as long as it held out. Tara and I had $50 so we deposited that. They didn’t say we needed to strip or anything or put in the pile a Rolex watch though they did say, they did not adorn themselves with any decorations. They sought to be plain Jane in appearance – not trying to stand out or feel a certain way by what we wore or hung on our ears as all those things were things to overcome any need of. To hold onto things like that meant you weren’t ready to give your all to this effort.
I learned later that some had turned in their marijuana stash and I also learned that another seeing it secretly absconded with it. It wasn’t like there were any watchdogs present. That individual didn’t stay with the group very long.
Then Bo and Peep opened their car trunk and took out sleeping bags, Coleman stoves, some cots in the back seat and some foam pads and small tents and asked who needed them, at which point some helped distribute them and anyone who still needed one was put on a list. The group leaders gathered the pile of what all the new members donated and I didn’t pay any further attention as the meeting dispersed as Bo and Peep.
Next Bo and Peep began to create partnerships. This was a most traumatic time for those who joined as couples. Tara and I were partnered with another couple, me with Dandy, the new name she chose and she with Dandy’s old partner. I had chose the name Tim. Dandy was crying a great deal. I tried to console her a bit but knew there was little I could do. She had to come to terms with it, which she shortly did. Bo and Peep began to talk about the reason for the partnerships. This “process” was an accelerated period of growth – a cocoon kind of stage. A partner becomes a mirror of what you need to overcome. They are your equal but all decisions should be made together. One shouldn’t just walk off to use the latrine without telling the other where they are going and why. Because of this close relationship it will stimulate challenging circumstances that you will need to work out between you. You are not trying to please one another. You are both seeking to please only your Heavenly Father and you should know that of your partner as well so treat them with all the respect with which you want to be treated. When you find yourselves at am impasse, you each need to withdraw from your position and ask your Heavenly Father’s guidance (not aloud). It was private for each of us to do, and you will find that a solution neither of you thought of will frequently occur to you both or just feel right, not caring who expressed it. It’s because you relinquished your need to be right and have the answers, to even tiny questions and this opened you up for a better answer than either may have initially considered. It was as Jesus said…”where two or more are gathered in my name, I am in their midst”. Because of how the numbers fell, there were occasional threesomes. Then they added that we should let any one break up these partnerships.
It was in Poudre river that we met (though no one introduced themselves or made a point to introduce one another) all the members to date. It is also there where I began to catch on to how some of the students that joined before I did thought and acted. All were very serious but not without humor, as was the case with Bo and Peep. Bo and Peep didn’t crack jokes and their subject matter was generally logistical or lesson material so was serious but they also had an amiable light vibration. They never spoke with hell fire and brimstone. The bible was not a focus but was clearly in use by whoever wanted to use one. Bo and Peep did not discourage bible study, one of the things I did with my spare time. But certain students seemed to be thinking they were the reincarnation of certain persons in the New Testament. It was thought that we were those same souls who had returned to finish our lessons as we weren’t ready then, which is why Jesus said, He (with his Father) would have to return at a later time and then speak “plainly” of the Kingdom. Plainly was like using phrases like Next Level, or Evolutionary Level Above Human, says a little more than Kingdom of Heaven, at least did to me. I thought Heaven was this castle in the clouds, or just a good part of the spirit world. I never really thought of it as being in outer space, but that is what heaven actually means – the expanse or firmament around the earth – the sky scape to included the sun and moon. I never thought about members of the Kingdom of Heaven. I thought there was angles and angles had wings so were these mystical beings, even being invisible. But Bo and Peep were speaking more plain than I’d heard before by saying there were members, in fact, older members like themselves, what a human would call a Farther and younger members – works that helped with all the many tasks in the Next Level. So Bo and Peep were kind of deflating the spirit mysticism out of the idea and bringing it into more of a practical reality focus. Yes, there was still some considerable mystery but it was far progressed from what we had before.
One member of the group seemed to think of herself as Mary, the new name she’d chose when she joined. She was in her early 50’s and it was quickly apparent she was treating all us youngins as her children. She’d have to overcome that I thought to myself, but then found it amusing and went along. Another thought of himself as John and he had taken that name. He had a very managerial business air and to me was like 3CPO from star wars though barely short the British accent. Another chose Peter, very tall, squared jaw, great smile and perfect build. It wasn’t like they were all talking about what Jesus disciple they thought they were, but their names gave them away and I didn’t doubt that they just may have been. Bo and Peep didn’t monitor our name choices, but did say, that it wasn’t exactly boastful to think of oneself as one of Jesus disciples for two reasons. It held you to what they represent to you in your head and two they didn’t’ understand enough back then to be able to make the conscious choice to overcome and leave this world. Yes, many did go to their death in belief but much of that was stimulated by what they witnessed their teacher Jesus do – forecasting it then allowing himself to be captured knowing he would be murdered, then rising again and demonstrating a new body in progress but with new characteristics that to them was magic. One can’t ultimately make the transition into the Next level with undisputable proof of the Next Level’s existence as that would be baiting the body with magic. They 2000 years ago could only see such supernatural events because they were not ready to go in that lifetime. They had to come into a new body to start without such a memory that could substitute for a large portion of what otherwise would be experientially based faith.
Bo and Peep had also rearranged the groups so Tara and I with our new partners were not in the same group. Out of sight out of mind was certainly employed as a mechanism of not slipping back into old habits and desires. Dandy and I were still in the Boulder group and at about that time, we gathered up some of our new camping gear as we were some of those without much gear and it was back to Boulder Canyon.
The next morning a small group meeting was called by our group leaders, actually called “helpers” referring to helping Bo and Peep organizationally. They were in no way superior though having that position did set them apart and give them a certain air of authority and importance. Apparently they had secured a meeting hall, in the Boulder Library and had arranged to have posters made, thus the next step was to canvas Boulder which we did. We set out with two partnerships to a car and a plan of what areas to cover. Dandy and I were let out with our stack of posters and off we went – disciples of this new movement spreading the word. It was fun and Dandy and I got along well. We put up posters wherever it suited us. We even had nourishment provided by apple trees in people’s yards that hung over into the sidewalk. We didn’t have any question about picking a couple. We felt we were working for God and had a right to a few apples. We put up posters for three days.
The Boulder Meeting was given by our two group “helpers”. There were perhaps 100 people in attendance in a small conference room. They pretty much said the same things Bo and Peep had said. By the way, I can’t recall Peep saying much of anything at that first meeting but that wasn’t necessarily a pattern we needed to follow. It was known that each member might anticipate taking a turn in giving a meeting. As in our first meeting, some stayed after the meeting to ask questions and from that meeting 4-5 new members were added to our ranks.
The next day Dandy and I went all around Boulder picking up the posters we put out. We didn’t need them. It was simply the responsible thing to do. It wasn’t my idea either. In the next day or two these new members trickled into camp. We didn’t socialize much at that camps, if at all. Chit chat was frowned upon. There were no chit chat police but if you started to chit chat the other person would respond politely or just say…we are not to engage in idle conversation. That was an instruction from Bo and Peep. I didn’t know all the things they’d told others, so Dandy and I stayed near our tent, prepared meals together, cleaned up and did a lot of reading and contemplating. There were no radios or card games. By many a so called modern day person’s standards it was boring but I can’t say the inactivity bothered me though before joining it would have.
A day or two later we were informed of a meeting with Bo and Peep to be held at Arapahoe Community College. It was primarily for all those who were joining or considering to join as a result of the six area meetings. We arrived into a large lecture hall and we were instructed to sit on the floor in front of Bo and Peep to act as a buffer, though facing Bo and Peep. Apparently this was also a public meeting so had a mix. I remembers sitting there and for the first time in my life felt like the disciple of a guru. I was so, so proud to be counted as their student. It was the happiest I can say I’d ever felt. A buffer was someone in this context that was positive minded about Bo and Peep so in group formed a shield of sorts against the negativity Bo and Peep anticipated and felt directed at them at meetings they’d already given.
In a sense they made more enemies than allies because there was no existing group that was claiming to be leaving the planet with their bodies as one’s highest human aspiration. Therefore when anyone heard this, that we were not aspiring to spiritual enlightenment or nirvana, yet were not of the “say you are saved and by your belief your sins are forgiven and you will sit at God’s right hand and that all paths human are fine to get to the top of the mountain, but that there is only one way off – when a member of the next level incarnates to show you the way, we more or less intimidated or challenged others views as the ultimate pathway. And mix that with talk of UFO’s and people actually walking out the doors of their lives and wammo, we were becoming what was seen as a dangerous cult. Actually little did we know, there were investigators on our trail from Newport, Oregon. The word was out that this UFO Cult had somehow convinced people to give all away in exchange for a ride on a UFO to another world. Articles were starting to show up in local papers from Los Angeles where it began that April to San Francisco where one meeting was at Stanford College and big time in little Newport, Oregon where we’d come from and had that confrontation with the police. Bo and Peep did have this sense so knew moving quickly to do what they had started was a necessity.
To make matter worse, apparently when Bo and Peep were giving the Denver proper meeting, two FBI officers asked some of Bo and Peep’s helpers (they traveled with three student partnerships) if they could have a word with them after the meeting. When Bo and Peep were told this, rather than meet with the FBI, not at the time knowing what was on their mind, decided to go out the back door, hop in a car and skidoo. They had both been in jail before on circumstantial charges and now more than ever didn’t want to give anyone that opportunity. Apparently the FBI was interested in the group because of the UFO still on the posters. It was right in the middle of a large amount of cattle mutilation activity. At the sightings of these cattle mutilations frequently ranchers said they saw and bright light in the field or otherwise a UFO. The nature of the mutilations was very strange indeed, surgical cutting out of reproductive and milk giving organs, no sign of blood, precision cuts and no sign of footsteps or of an aircraft. And this pattern was being repeated all over Colorado. So this new “cult” was suspected and they couldn’t have been further from the source of such occurrences, though we weren’t vegan yet either.
The next day Bo and Peep called another group meeting to include new members. To my surprise it was in a meeting room in the Denver Court house of all places. I thought that so odd. In this meeting were told of our next destination – Chicago over a thousand miles away and our getting there was to be a new experience for many of us – as there wasn’t enough funds to get us all there so we’d have to “test” our way there. “Testing” meant, going to those who say they are Christians who therefore technically should give to whoever asks of them and simply asking for our daily needs which in this case entailed gasoline and food. We could sleep in our sleeping bags on the side of the road or in the car if need be. We were not to beg. We were working for our Heavenly Father’s Kingdom and a worker is deserving of their daily bread. If they did not help us, we were to have no ill will to them – just move on. If they opened their doors to us, then give freely of what we have.
So the six small groups were dissolved and we were all instructed to meet at Cherry Creek Camp near Denver proper to organize for the trip. This was special for me as we were there for two days and Bo and Peep had been staying there while they were in this area with us. I saw that they too lived in a tent and didn’t seem to have anything more than us. I peeked in to their tent as I passed by and it looked very neat – a cot with a sleeping bag on each side of the tent and a couple folding chairs and a folding table – that was about it. While camping there we were told to keep our ears and eyes open as one never knew when Bo and Peep would walk around to mingle a bit to answer questions informally and sure enough they did and a crowd would quickly gather as individuals popped their heads out of their tents to be a part of. And this is where I got to hear more from Peep. In meetings she was near silent but in this setting she was quite amiable, conversational, humorous and pleasant.
We were organized into cars, two couples to a car. Dandy and I with Jan and her partner neither of which I knew yet. We were given about a tanks worth of gas, whatever food we already had as there was no central food distribution and instructions to meet at a camping area within the Chain of Lakes State park, just north of Chicago. We got on the road. Bo and Peep had instructed us to come into a town and ask our Heavenly Father to lead us to whoever might be receptive of the information we had to share. We were starting to develop our “feelers” they said, thinking of our solar plexus area as being key to it’s function. During travel time we were mostly expected to be “tuning in” to the Next Level – seeking accelerated growth and ways of service while not allowing our consciousness to dwell in the past and certainly not talk about the past. So there wasn’t a great deal of conversation. In fact mostly none except when we came to a decision point – which way to turn on the highway. We took turns as partnerships tuning into where to go in each town. We didn’t stop in each town, only those that were in proximity with the time of our needs for food and/or gasoline.
I clearly remember when it was our turn to seek help for our needs. Dandy wanted me to go first, but we together walked up to a Catholic church rectory door and knocked. I was nervous. I did not want to do it. I did not want to beg however we explained it. In fact there was only one time, and in my recent past when I asked a church for such help and that was before joining when Tara and I were out of money traveling to Lake Havasu City, Arizona looking for work. We went to my mother’s condo there as a place to stay from which we thought we could get work. It was 110 degrees in the shade I recall and we were staying in a condo that had no facilities turned on. But on the way, a church in Needles, Arizona helped us with some food to get further down the road.
It’s funny how I see this approach to this door so dramatically now. The door seemed huge – a big brown ornate looking wooden door with a huge ring type knocker that I used. No one came and so I started to walk back sheepishly somewhat glad no one was home, but then the other couple from a little distance egged me on to go and knock again which I did. The door opened and I said what I’d somewhat practiced… “We are in the area doing work for our Heavenly Father, sharing new information we have come upon and have some needs for food and gasoline – can you help us? He said, No! and shut the door and that was that. But I broke the ice. I had never proselytized or preached much of anything. When I was a kid I sold candy outside the bank and went door to door in my neighborhood getting people to sign up for my Christmas card club, but never had asked someone for a handout claiming to be heavenly messenger. It did feel natural and right, though scary. The next door I knocked on handed me a $20 bill – they said nothing and asked nothing and though it didn’t fill the tank and our bellies it was enough to get to the next town. In the evening we stopped on the side of the highway and found a decent spot to put sleeping bags and rested, got up, washed up and were on our way once more. It wasn’t more than another day until we arrived at our destination somewhat proud that we’d accomplished our first mission.
As people were arriving, those assigned to greet us assigned us an area in which to set up our tents. This was my first sense of being a part of this group. There was a slight euphoria in the air as people went about their chores and began to recognize faces they’d now seen a time or two before, all knowing we had chosen the same dedicated endeavor that we believed stood apart from anything else we’d done before. Most had been a part of this or that spiritual organization or pursuit or practice and the numbers were mixed male and female with a few 16 yr olds and a few in their 50’s. Most were in their late 20’s to early 30’s. There were now about 70 members.
Our first task was to scope out Chicago for meeting locations so cars were organized to go into Chicago to attend events where the participants might have interest in our information. Apparently Chicago had a large sector of spiritualists and people interested in all manner of the supernatural. The group I was with attended a meeting about psychic phenomena and asked questions with the intention of discovering what the teacher thought about UFO’s and such. There was interest and we stayed after and spoke to the teacher of the class about our new effort. We were in the Chicago area for 4-5 days and it was getting harder and harder to sustain ourselves financially as we all used the same method of largely “testing” Christians for our needs and we didn’t go to the same place twice.
One morning we were told not to go out looking for help. A type of emergency meeting was called and Bo and Peep showed up. In it they told us our group had been infiltrated by two individuals, later we knew as Robert Balch and David Taylor. They were Oregon state students who joined as a way of doing their college thesis and they’d been with us for several weeks studying the phenomena. The group was in the news by then as the UFO cult led by this mysterious middle aged couple. But as it turned out a few days earlier Walter Cronkite had broke the story with the human identity of the Two as Bonnie Lu Trousdale Nettles and Marshall Herf Applewhite both from Texas. Since this had hit the national media and there was a hunt for them as the reason people were leaving homes and families behind to “catch a ride on a UFO” the media hyped and since there were impostors within our ranks, the teachers were in jeopardy of being apprehended and that would break up this group that was loose knit to begin with.
Bo and Peep had been in a hotel in Las Vegas when the Cronkite story hit and felt like they didn’t want to leave the room for fear of being apprehended. They didn’t feel like it was the right time for the demonstration as they predicted would occur according to Chapter 11 of the Book of Revelations re: the Two Witnesses. So while we were all arriving in Chicago and getting settled and scoping out the town for meeting locations and interests they were contemplating their next step. It was interesting looking back at how they were “shot down” from their mysterious position as Members from the Kingdom of God and how that occurred while they were hold up in Las Vegas, a city that like none other in the US might be considered akin to Sodom and Gomorrah (a city filled with all manner of corrupt behaviors) again as stated in the Revelation. Bo and Peep did not think of this until months later when it they realized the demonstration as they first thought could occur was not going to. In any case, shot down by the press saying they were frauds took them 3 1/2 days to recover and formulate a new strategy as they could not be seen in public now, not with the picture posted all over TV making them to be dangerous people knappers.
Walking around camp I recall wondering who might be the imposter. I can’t say I saw it all with the seriousness Bo and Peep did but I was certainly naïve as to how authorities could have pounced down on all of us at any moment.
So when Bo and Peep came into the camp, they were more secretive than I’d ever seen them and this time Peep spoke very quietly in case there were spies in bushes and there very well could have been. They gave us the overview of what was going on in the media and about the infiltrators and how they believe to know who they were and they were not in the camp. I suppose they just didn’t know what other surprised could be lurking in our midst because all they said they could do was scatter. The quickly assigned groups with about three cars each and had a separate huddle with those they knew they could trust, who had been with them for six months or so by then. No one else in a group would know where any group was going. They had a way for group members to stay in touch with Bo and Peep’s group of six plus themselves – I guess what would have been considered the core group. We would have a particular hotel chain that had hotels everywhere and a specific time each day when one could try to leave or pickup a message for a particular name. In this way someone knowing this scheme could call the Holiday Inn in San Francisco where a group was planning to go next and leave a message for Peter Childs, saying he will be checking in later. Then Peter Childs would call the hotel for any messages and it was a free message service. They would know that they could call again or meet in person at the hotel the next day at the same time and make contact. It worked well, but I was not privy to this plan until much later in my membership.
We packed up our camp as quickly as possible. Time again was of the essence as we didn’t know if authorities would be headed up our way and I later learned they were right behind us, even a couple hours behind us. This was till October and as the groups numbers increased however seemingly small, each new members was by some in their family a missing person who was somehow lured against their will to have some pie in the sky.
Next thing I knew we were in a car with 4 others headed south and I was driving. Apparently Bo and Peep handed each group leader partnership some funds to get us far enough out of the Chicago area so we weren’t slowed too much by seeking gasoline help. So we didn’t stop until we got to Oklahoma, just east of Tulsa where there were a bunch of large lakes and campgrounds where we camped and met up with several other groups but did not know the whereabouts of Bo and Peep.
Our group leaders did not have instructions past this point so we waited a couple days. Then we got word that our group would head to Phoenix to see if there would be receptivity for a meeting. We had an agreed upon campground to meet at near Phoenix. Apparently two groups would work together on the area. It was quite handy that Bo and Peep had spent literally years on the road in these areas before they ended up giving that Los Angeles meeting that began the group. They knew every place we could camp for free and with little hassle and we took advantage of those instructions when we could get them.
But trying to organize the Phoenix meeting was the beginning of a great deal of strangeness that would plaque the overall movement for months to come. People began question the leadership of those assigned by Bo and Peep to be our “helpers” or “contact people” to Bo and Peep and/or their helpers. These helpers were no anything special in terms of their management abilities which is what probably drew the most criticism. We were all very green at all this. None of us were of the ilk of a follower of anyone. Most of us were drop outs from society, business and the world to a large degree. And most were thick headed and not exactly polished diplomats. But it only took one or two to spoil the soup but it wasn’t really spoiling it – it was a response to the asking we’d all be instructed to do to “have accelerated growth” – well it was being dished out big time now.
Even still we managed to agree to look for a room and media support for poster donations and of course there were our daily needs to include gasoline. I remember living off of donuts thrown out by Dunkin Donuts that were readily available daily in the dumpster and as they didn’t have much really gross trash it was not contaminated. Later when Bo and Peep heard some were doing this they felt we’d taken the easy way out and that it was beneath us. Dandy and I would walk along the avenue where there were growing large date palms and we could easily find nice dates that had fallen when birds plucked at some loosening others. We lived on these dates for days. Well, though we learned where we could get great showers at the University of Phoenix by just walking in like we were students and showering. As it turned out the other group secured a free meeting room in Prescott, Arizona a hour to the north of Phoenix so we all migrated to that area to publicize it. It was our way to only give at most a week lead time to a meeting. Knowledge of who were even though it had made the national news was still not spread everywhere to all the small towns and not everyone watched the national news and the story though it was fairly big for a while didn’t dominate the entire media. However we didn’t want to push it and there was also the consideration that we were living off of the donations of the town and essentially the churches in each town. There was only so many donations one could find and we often visited a church where other members had just visited before us. Asking for help, though it became routine was never fun. It was always drudgery in the sense that it would have been easier to work, and at times did offer to do jobs to pay our way. However, the fact was, of course as we saw it was that we did have a job – to spread the word that representatives from the real physical Level that Jesus came from were here physically to share how that kingdom may at this time be entered, but essentially walking out the door of you life to join our effort to include overcoming all your human desires and characteristics that would in process be creating a new body within your physical one. And that at the completion we would be picked up by a UFO, not needing to experience death – gaining eternal life in a new world, but not the spirit world.
It’s funny looking back on these words and actually understanding them more fully. Death really meant what Jesus referred to as the “second” death. The new body we were creating was in actuality our soul – what was being filled more and more with Next Level mind stuff that at some point could be “viable” – able to transit the human kingdom – becoming the “celestial body” not made of the same flesh stuff the flesh body is made of yet still of some physical nature.
In any case the Prescott meeting was a good one. Somewhere around eight new members came from it and in this case Bo and Peep were nowhere to be found. We were out of touch with them at this point. We continued the pattern of having follow up contacts who stayed behind to help new members exit their old lives. Meanwhile the groups went on to our next prospective meeting town – Sante Fe, New Mexico. We camped in the black mountains and this town in particular was both very receptive to our presence and our message but for some very committed to forms of spirituality that would find our message of “the only way off the mountain top” offensive because that in a way was saying we were the top dogs, but the plain truth is better seen by eliminating all spiritual inference. The point was that these members from a world outside the Earth were opening the door for a brief time to any humans who might want to apply for membership in their world. It wasn’t saying they were top dog, though if that group were the creators of the entire planet and even our very existence, however that evolved in mind and body in conjunction with the direction offered by members from that other world, then I guess they would be a rung up the totem pole. Jesus said it this way that even the least in the Kingdom of Heaven (amidst the firmament outside the expanse of the Earth) is greater than the greatest human on Earth (at the time referring to John the Baptist).
The Sante Fe meeting was given by my old friend Ron from Newport and his partner. It was an intense meeting and about a half dozen new members came from it. Because of the new members and the need for cars I finally sold my silver flute I’d been carrying around (and had never again played). I got $90 for it and with the money Dandy and I bought a car that did run but that’s about it. We went ahead to the next meeting location – Berkley, California where two other groups besides our two were converging.
It was nearing Halloween – October 31 and as a prank a book store in Berkeley announced that the UFO Two as they were now called would be showing up to give a meeting on Halloween. We heard the rumor and so showed up wondering who was going to claim to be Bo and Peep. No one showed up and it was just a silly confusing scene as there were people interested in the message of the “UFO Two”, but we took care of any of those and pointed them to the real meeting we were organizing in a large park in Berkley. A lot of press showed up, but also parents of those who joined, spouses of those who joined all looking for their loved ones. In some cases they were found and emotions ran high but none were dissuaded. I ran into Tara there and it was a little awkward. We glanced at one another but did not make any effort to have further contact. Actually I ran into her very briefly at another time and it was strange but we kept our focus on our tasks and not on each other.
We stayed in the house of a would be new member and it was one strange scene as people knew who we were but at the same time didn’t know what to make of us. We like celebrities to keep some distance from I guess. After the Berkley meeting several groups merged in the forest near Santa Rosa. There were many new members that had never met Bo and Peep. Being somewhat a veteran by now I recall speaking nightly around the campground repeating everything I’d heard Bo and Peep say or do.
Plus there were members there that I had never met who were on the road traveling spreading the message while Bo and Peep were headed up to Waldport. One person’s name was Seymour. He had some ideas of going east but didn’t want to do it himself, but I liked the idea being from the east and feeling a calling to take on a difficult task to help bring the message there as it seemed apparent the west coast was becoming saturated. Dandy wasn’t enthralled by the idea but was willing. So we had a pow wow and agreed to split into two. We numbered perhaps 50 at this camp. Some would need to hold back while new members trickled in. Seymour wanted to head north again, eventually heading up to Canada. My group, not “mine” but one in which I was taking more of a leadership role would head to Boston.
Out of the recent California meetings came a bunch of new members that in some ways made former disciples look tame minded. One person called himself Lightborn and he was apparently loosely affiliated with Ruth Gordon’s group and the Space Brotherhood, a group of alleged aliens that were very military in style and who were like a Starfleet command as a part of a grander union of space aliens though they acted and looked very much like humans. Another individual took the name John the Baptist – a big guy. They were to travel to meet us in Boston as well.
Well the car we’d bought for $90 lasted for about that many miles – collapsed and Dandy and I were given a little Mazda a new member from Sante Fe had brought into the organization. We drove it cross country stopping alone the way to ask for our daily needs and most importantly spreading the word as we went. There were many a preacher I engaged in debate. More and more I studied what Jesus had said in the gospels and found his words more and more clearly supportive of the same effort in which we were engaged so frankly could shoot down any arguments to the contrary. In fact in many cases after some discussion we were asked to leave and without help as we were thought to be inspired by the devil. I really did not care whether we got help if the other had a problem with the message we were wielding. It was clear to me that we were certainly not saying or doing anything against Jesus. Those we encountered were the ones most insistent in our use of their terminology to describe their faith that by not subscribing to indicated to them that we were not of their ilk and rightly so – we were not. All this stuff about Jesus dying for our sins so that any talk of works (effort) was thought of as somehow “earning” our salvation in the face of what Jesus was to have given us. Where did Jesus exemplify that he did it all for us, anymore than a teacher of math can do your own math problem and expect you to gain the benefit from it. The teacher can show you the “way” but they can never do it for you as they know experience is the only real teacher. This logic was so clear to me and I learned to see it in so many ways backed by scripture because frankly I’d taken the leap of faith to leave it all behind as Jesus required of his students and the Bo and Peep were requiring now while those in churches had not taken such a step thus would not be the beneficiary of the relationship such leap of faith spawned with one’s Heavenly Father. This was not to say I sat in judgment of anyone. If they didn’t answer the call that was not my business and I said that to many, that they had their own relationship to God and I was not one to say what that is for them, however when the shepherd’s voice is heard the sheep from that fold need to respond or else be left to fend for themselves in a world of wolves often in sheep’s clothing to steal your very soul. It came to timing. We were saying the timing for what Jesus had preached he would return to do – gather up the believers was “at hand”. It wasn’t for everyone and belief was nothing without action. One doesn’t believe in something if they are not willing to support it and the degree of that belief has to do with the degree of support and of course the cares of the world do weight heavy upon us all in how to apply that belief to action. It just so happen for me, I was more or less free of worldly attachments or for whatever reason was touched in such a way that what I considered myself attached to, my common law wife, my budding music career, my house construction and communal endeavors paled in comparison to this magnificent plain sense about what otherwise was until then still superstition and here say and frankly near beyond belief. What Bo and Peep brought seemed so darn tangible – it was well worth “selling all I had” to by one pearl of great price, one of the countless examples that Jesus gave as to what the Kingdom of Heaven (or call to it) would be worth to us.
It took us about a week to get to the Braintree area south of Boston where we’d agreed to look for one another and we immediately bumped into others from out group who had also just arrived. Then there were more and more and then we ran into another group who had heard some were tackling the east coast so also felt led to do so, so set out and in fact joined us as well. So we had several dozen members in the area coordinating our efforts and wow was that indeed an effort. Dandy and I located a library room that was large enough in Worchester, MA and agreed we would speak at the meeting having found it and I was chomping at the bit to get my feet wet. I was frightened at the idea but felt it was time to dive in. I’d been practicing my spiel for weeks.
As we began to advertise our meeting that in this case we made over a week and half away – being we wanted to do a good job to poster all over the Boston area, we went to every health food store, new age head shop, library, music venue, book store and spiritual center. We sought radio ads, did interviews with various newspapers to get free advertising and of course visited every church that existed. There were challenges at every turn though as within the group there were always a one or more that no matter what the decision, they saw it differently and could not stand to not be heard and heeded. I think they also did not want to feel led. At one point at a park we were all meeting inside a tennis court, all twenty something of us and this one member could not come to consensus on the plans, until I just said…if you don’t like it just leave… which I felt bad about saying as the individual seemed to have good intentions but was seeming to be used to repeatedly cause us all delay and discord. I apologized to him later but it wasn’t the end of our difficulties together.
The meeting in Worchester was about to begin. Dandy and I found a silent place to go “tune in”. I was going to begin talking. I was nervous for sure. I was making what I saw as a major spiritual announcement to this East Coast metro-plex. The library room was filled to capacity, certainly over 200 people. We walked in, sat down and took a moment to “tune in” asking that our Heavenly Father use us and began to say…”There is a light from the distant Heaven’s that has come upon the Earth at this time”. I literally felt engulfed in that light – removed from reality and anyone’s response, hardly aware of what I was saying and certainly having no plan memorized or noted before me. I looked over at Dandy and could see she was energized as high as a kite. She said nothing but I knew the energy was coming through both of us and it was not of our origin. After speaking for perhaps ten minutes we began to take questions and there were a bunch, many of which were from Christians but from other religious orders as well. We clarified immediately that we were students of the Two, the ones the press spoke of as the UFO Two. Maybe 40 minutes into the start it ended and some stayed after to ask more questions. Four or five wanted to know more and we answered all their questions. One wanted to join and we met up with her the next day but she ended up changing her mind. It was far different than the response in the western states. Bo and Peep felt that most that were seriously seeking found their way west, not all mind you but most.
We gathered our members and had a pow wow and decided to head north to Montpelier to put on our next meeting. Before we left Massachusetts our little car died on the side of the road. Some police happened by and said we couldn’t leave it there. We explained that we had no money and were working for our Heavenly Father’s Kingdom. He took us to the station and arranged for a tow of the car which he gave us the bill for but decided not to hold us further so we hitchhiked from there.
When we got to Montpelier, we ran into another group. Apparently three of our groups had headed to the northeast. They were also short cars but one had a Volkswagen van so we piled in and traveled together looking for the help we needed and scoping out the meeting possibilities. Food was a little scarce then. We lived mostly on canned corn and peas donated to us from food pantries. We didn’t have a stove then, so we’d eat it cold and speaking of cold, the weather was getting pretty cool. It was into November and we’d sleep out in the open on the ground wherever we could without getting arrested. One morning I awoke with a inch of snow on my sleeping bag and frozen toes. As luck will have it we met a gentleman that loved what we had to say so invited the entire group to stay at his house where he also lived with his family, to include a couple kids and a few of his relatives. We gave them a mini meeting and they were as hospitable as could be.
We were examining a meeting room in a local church, but they didn’t know exactly who we were and we didn’t always blurt out our more controversial views or ways of expression of them – yes at times it seemed too blatant unless we were asked. I remember how that became a point of contention with Lightborn and John the Baptist. When we’d ask for help and state our business as Serving our Heavenly Father by bringing new updated information about the Kingdom, if someone was not inquisitive as to what that exactly meant – what “new” information or what “update” then we didn’t force it down anyone’s throat. The testing that we were doing was not setting us up as anyone’s judge. It just demonstrated to the Father in Heaven what people were made of as Jesus said to give to whoever asked of you and that by giving to the least of these you are giving to him. Even still I never felt like…one person passed or failed. It just wasn’t my job. My job was to distribute the information and if those in Christian organizations were working for the same ones we thought of as Jesus and His Father – the Kingdom of the one true God the creator of our world and even life then why wouldn’t they want to help us and why wouldn’t we want to receive the help from them. Did our terminology mean so, so much? Well, yes it did and no it did not. For some, they wanted to help us and did so without question. For others they wanted to know all about us first, some to scope us out as legitimate or not and for others because they really were interested in what we were sharing. Some when they heard our spiel that I never held back on when they asked (and I didn’t require them to ask a whole lot) they were troubled by it. I never enjoyed that. Some cried and some I cried with not necessarily knowing why. Some got very angry and demanded we leave. Some through money at us in which case I refused to take it, though I always kept in mind that we needed to shake the dust off our feet as Jesus had instructed his disciples when he sent the 70 out doing much the same mission as we were attempting. In one case a Catholic priest gave us $20 and we said very little to him, sometimes have 4 to 6 of us approach at once asking. When we got to the car Lightborn and John the Baptist wanted to go give him a statement as he did not ask much and yet we felt his love for God. Perhaps I was too sheepish – not wanting to blow his mind or make it seem like we presented to him only what we thought he would be okay to hear to get the money when we really had all this weird to his ears stuff to share that understanding it might have caused him great grief of thinking we were charlatans after all.
The contention within the group was getting worse and worse. It got to the point that these folks were trying to break up Dandy and my partnership saying we’d been together too long and needed more lessons with others – we were too attached to each other. These folks had not even met Bo and Peep and were resentful of the strength in our partnership that Bo and Peep had formed and even warned us against breaking needlessly. Dandy and I had little to no attachment to one another. Yes, we did work well together and yes did rely on one another for strength and were friends but it was clear in my mind that I was not interested at all in another human relationship. There were brief moments of time when I tuned into her femininity, but I quickly turned my attention away and didn’t have much trouble doing so, especially helped by my sense that personally she really didn’t like me and I knew for a fact was still grieving the separation from the guy she did love, who was still by the way partnered with Tara.
But one of the indicators of whether we would do a meeting in a town was whether there were people interested in what we had to share and together with whether we were receiving the help we needed, be it food, gas a meeting room and posters. It seemed like we had far more resistance in this town so we decided to cancel. And it was getting very cold so decided we’d all go our own ways with the cars we had. Lacking our own car to use, we ended up traveling south with Lightborn and John the Baptist driving this old Camaro I think Lightborn had joined with. It wasn’t more than a couple hours down the road that Dandy and I could no longer stand being with these two guys, so we asked them to just let us off, which they did and we from that point on were on our own with only our thumbs to travel on.
So we decided first order of business was to get out of the cold and it didn’t get warmer until, well actually we still froze our butts off in Houston, Texas about a week later where they were having unseasonably cold temperatures with highs at night in the 40’s. We didn’t have winter clothing but stopped by salvation army and churches and asked for help with clothing so had some sweaters and such. As it turned out Dandy had an old friend who lived in Houston so we looked him up. He was actually a close friend of her X-boyfriend – Michael F. It was great having a warm dry place to hang our hat for a few days. I remember loving listening to the grateful dead tapes though at the same time I was guarded not to get too carried away with it. We naturally did a lot of talking and it was emotional for Dandy to be there again recalling her relationship with Michael. Detaching from the past is not easier when confronted with it. Another interesting situation came up. These folks we were visiting had some friends over. As it turned out the women in her late 40’s I’d say, said she had dated Marshall, who was known to me as Bo of Bo and Peep, my teachers. Before becoming Bo, Marshall was quite well known in Houston high society. He knew people like Farah Faucet and as he worked as the music director of a mega-church in downtown Houston that was directly across the street from where Dan Rather worked for CBS, he would often eat lunch with Dan. In any case she didn’t elaborate much on Marshall except to say he had wandering hands and I presume a healthy sexual appetite when they were together. I remember hearing that and not really caring. I didn’t have some idea that this fellow had no life before he had awakened to the role of Two Witnesses – Bo. I didn’t know much of Bo and Peeps past except what I’d read in newspapers. We’d been detached from the group for several months by then. It was December. To get out of the weather and to relax Dandy and I would seek out libraries along our journey and I’d read newspapers for any news of the group and I’d study whatever I could find related to the bible, mostly gravitating to the pseudopigraphia and the Nag Hamadi library and whatever was published about the Dead Sea Scrolls.
At this juncture we decided to head east so along the gulf coast we did continue to hitchhike. I remember one fellow picking us up, getting talking a bit but not in particular about the group and before I knew it the guy was offering me a job managing one of his factories and he was dead serious. We were clean cut and obviously not encumbered by substance use or abuse and convicted to our spiritual journey so he thought I would make a great manager. I had to refuse saying, I had a job but that I was honored that he would offer it. It was right after that that we stopped at a shelter for the night. Shelters were not a regular stop at all in our travels. We had few regular stops. We didn’t like shelters as they often separated the men from the women and it was part of our instruction to stay together which we tried to comply with but occasionally we made an exception. We didn’t think Bo and Peep would find fault with our choices but then we didn’t have a way to check with them except in our minds. As it turned out, posted right outside the shelter was a poster advertising a meeting in Panama City the very next day at a local library and it was the same information we were sharing. It blew our minds to see this. We showed up at the meeting and sat in the audience to kind of check them out – see what they were going to say and whether we recognized them. We didn’t recognize them and it was the same information alright. During question and answer period one person asked if they were the same group from Waldport, Oregon who left all behind to catch a ride on the UFO. They said they were not those folks but that it was the same group. Dandy and I could not restrain ourselves so we jumped up and said…we were some of those who were at that Waldport meeting and left all behind to follow Bo and Peep. We pleasantly shocked the speakers and the audience and they invited us to help complete the meeting which we did. One of those was named Steel and perhaps Jeremy. They had joined during a St. Louis meeting another group gave. They were not connected to any group either but knew more of their whereabouts. A huge meeting that got a lot of press was held in Biloxi, Mississippi.
Somewhat joyful to have made such connection we decided to work together, but they had a car and we did not and their car was a two seated sports car so we agreed to meet in Brownsville, Texas to see about holding a meeting there. They were also interested in warmth.
In a day we made it to Corpus Christi, Texas. Dandy was putting her sleeping bag down on the beach. We’d received help with food from a local church but no lodging. I laid my sleeping bag down perhaps 10 yards from hers and as it was way past sunset and was quiet dark was looking up into the heavens as I frequently did and talked to God when to my surprise I saw a huge ball of bright light say the size of an 1/8th of a full moon but brighter coming out from the North at about a 45 degree angle over the gulf and sped in the course of 2-3 seconds out of sight to the south at about the same angle. But that was not all. About half way in it’s path, putting it just about right above me but at perhaps a 60 degree angle it did an abrupt 90 degree turn facing down to my vantage point and seemingly without a speed change, traveled less than 1/2 second I guess but as clearly distinguishable amount before doing another 90 degree turn to keep it headed south as it first started out but as if it had changed latitude lines.
I shouted out immediately…”Did you see that…!!!” and Dandy looked up but it was gone. I immediately wondered if I felt what I thought was an intelligent presence with or in it and I believe I did though can’t put my finger on it further. I guess I felt like it was for me for some reason.
The next day we arrived in Brownsville, got help with food and found a meeting room for free, got some posters donated to advertise the meeting and rendezvoused with Steel and Jermy who helped us advertise the meeting to be held 3 or 4 days later. It was a small town. We didn’t think we needed a huge PR job. The four of us gave the meeting together and perhaps 20 people showed up and no one was interested to join us. We decided we would be holding them back too much to try to stick together further so we said our farewells and parted company.
That’s when I got it into my thick head that we were restricting our service to our Heavenly Father if we were too concerned about the winter, staying away from it. Dandy was not in objection so we decided to head north. About three days later we arrived in Madison, Wisconsin and yes it was cold. We found open churches to sleep in or shelters. But Madison did not seem to open up to our staying a while to try to do a meeting so we headed southeast into Kentucky, then all the way back west into Colorado. We were in the deep snows always being picked up and taken into people’s homes for some warm food and a dry place to sleep, or a minister of a church would put us up in a hotel. I recall sitting at the dinner table with a minister and his wife and their two kids who themselves asked us lots of questions to include…were we married. I explained that we were married to God. We’d get meal tickets for restaurants and at other times if no one was around to ask, we’d walk into a town find an open church door, go into the pantry and eat and even cook whatever was there and clean it up and leave a note of thanks. One time we were surprised by a deacon and his assistant and a large conversation ensued. Another time we were ordered to leave their premises. We spoke to many people in cars and to others in hotel lobbies – even gave impromptu meetings when the interest seemed apparent. It was exciting. It was challenging. If we had no place to stay and were too far from a town we’d just keep our thumb out as staying active kept us from freezing but we never felt our health threatened. We were well taken care of and met lots of great people. We had many run in’s with the law. They didn’t particularly like our modus operandi. One time in Tennessee they took us to the station. We each had largish backpacks and they dumped them out and found nothing as we did no drugs. I was a bit tiffed at them. So they took Dandy and locked her up and I complained and told them I was working for God and that they were messing with the wrong folks. They let her go but really frightened her as that was the first time Dandy and I were in physical contact when she ran into my arms for a hug while crying. We put our backpacks back together again and they took us to the border of the town and ordered us to stay out of their town. Some towns gave transients who were looking for help the big run around. It was not infrequently that many of the churches because of the volume of transients looking for help organized a fund to help folks but that they administered through the police department. That looks good logistically as then they could have the police check them out, not a very Jesus think to do, someone who forgave the thief and prostitute. Jesus wasn’t much of a mixer with the state. He said pay your taxes if you use Caesars money system. He also said agree with your adversary while you are in the way with them or else they will take you to the judge and from the judge to the prison where you will have to pay a great price. Many humans think they own all this land and have the right to run people off the roads and harass them if they are living outside their laws yet hurting no one, so if we need to live with this system as it would be hard or impossible to travel without being within the system, then we need to seek to “agree with this adversary to God’s law’s” so not to find ourselves punished for non-compliance with man’s laws however abhorred by God.
We continued to crisscross the mid west, town to town on the small roads. One particularly notable event occurred in Liberal, Kansas. When we got to town we found a church that without a question gave us a hotel for a week and a meal ticket for several meals a day for a week. We looked at one another and said, this is some reception. We have to organized a meeting here. We quickly found a library meeting room from free and got someone to donate 100 posters. Then we marched into the local newspaper office and asked to be interviewed. We told them about the Two Witnesses, Bo and Peep and all and the reporter in her 40’s or so took wild notes and was quite smitten with us to a point that I know we were about the weirdest things she’d seen cross her desk. But they agreed to run the story before the meeting. The article was printed front page with our pictures the day before the meeting but they got one thing wrong…They said we were claiming to be these Two Witnesses that were expecting to be killed and rise again after 3 1/2 days. When Dandy and I saw this we both kind of got scared. What if some crazed Christian thought this was their claim to fame to do in these antichrists. Then we could be putting out lives on the line by giving this meeting. We decided such would be a longshot and personally I was willing to give my life, even expected it to some degree. We agreed to announce at the meeting first thing that the paper got it wrong, that we weren’t the two, we were their disciples. Nearly 100 people showed up in this tiny town to hear our meeting and they were a good crowd though there were some Christian hecklers. So the meeting went well though no one wanted to join us and I was not disappointed by that. I was not looking for followers really, just wanted to do my job to see if there are any.
One night I recall being just west of Little Rock, Arkansas, in a camping area. It was already May. We’d been traveling like this for 4 months and overall since September when we joined. I was increasingly frustrated and felt all alone. Dandy had had some doubts she expressed and told her I’d help her with whatever she wanted to do. I assured her I could go it alone, that it wasn’t my preference but I could manage. She didn’t want to quit yet though. We had grown close and she did feel connected to Bo and Peep as I did so pressing on was our only option. I remember though looking into a clear nights sky and asking what more there was I could do and asked for help to know the way. The next day we hitched into Oklahoma City and sought the local library only to see one of those infamous UFO posters advertising a meeting a few days away at the library itself. We were elated and attended the meeting and it was being given by none other than Bo and Peep themselves with students at their sides. They looked at us and knew us though we’d hardly been seen by them before. We were reunited and it felt so, so good.
Apparently the groups were quite organized again and were still putting on meetings though attendance was low. After the meeting Bo and Peep spoke to us – congratulated our tenacity and assigned us groups to hook up with. We headed up to Indiana where our group was located. A new member from the Oklahoma City meeting provided us with a car she no longer needed so we drove ourselves.
One thing I noticed that was odd about the group leaders of the group where we were assigned is that the female of the partnership was pregnant – very, very pregnant. As it turned out she was impregnated days before she joined and didn’t know it. She had arranged to deliver the baby to a midwife and a family wanted to take the child as their own so this way she would never have so face the baby and the baby would have a loving family to care for it’s needs. While I was with this group she did leave to have the baby and she returned and all went well.
The meetings were winding down. Low attendance and enthusiasm made us feel they were played out and Peep felt that too. We started staying in our campgrounds more, working with new members, doing chores and such. We received a lot of communication from Bo and Peep that were given in such a way to encourage better grooming as well as behaviors. One time we were instructed to communicate to anyone if they have a particular problem with them. Maybe this was a big mistake but I told one female classmate whom I was clearly infatuated with that I was attracted to her. She was a bit taken back by that and I later learned that that was about the only thing we shouldn’t say as even that could be like bait to see if the other has interest and could start an attraction. I was told by Dandy that I was very gruff. That I stomped around the campground like I was angry. I was not. I was simply serious natured.
Then I recall in a camp ground by St. Girardeau with my group, we received some very serious communication from Bo and Peep to be in our silence and to focus on bringing in and being ready for the next step in our progress into membership in the Next Level. Several days later it was announced that Peep called off any additional meetings. The harvest was officially ended she said. We would all be gathering together from wherever we all were around the country.
It was July and it was 3 1/2 years to the day from when Bo and Peep left Houston, Texas on January 1st 1973 to set out as the Two Witnesses.
And things were really about to change now.
Chapter 6 – The Cocoon – an Out of this World Accelerated Experiential Overcoming Process Begins
Situated about halfway between Cheyenne and Laramie, Wyoming was the Veedavou National Forest, a huge stretch of uninhabited territory dotted by small pine trees, huge majestic rock formations dispersed within a rolling high desert. It had it’s own mystique while showing the harshness of the environment – high winds, well below zero winter temperatures, lots of snow and besides the winter, low in precipitation.
Each group while on the road had “group leaders” who maintained communications with the group traveling with Bo and Peep. Now that we were all in one area, these continued to be a point partnership for organizational purposes but they were called “Helpers”. They were not our leaders. They were simply helping Bo and Peep manage the newly formed organization.
These Helpers were available if group members needed help with something. They would come and go and didn’t inform us of what they were up to. It wasn’t our business. We had our daily chores around the camp. We didn’t mingle really, not within our group, nor with other groups. We mostly worked within our partnership unless we had a need or wanted to offer service to the Helpers. They in a sense were stand in’s for our Teachers being they were our most immediate “link” to Bo and Peep and they didn’t have as much time as we did to take care of their daily needs because they had tasks to do in relationship to their job as group “helpers” so we could offer to help them, be it to cook food of do their laundry or whatever we might think of. This entire endeavor was not a social experience. When not engaged in chores, but not excluded from chores, we spent our time “tuning into” our relationship to the Next Level, seeking to quite our thoughts and seeking to change the things about ourselves that we needed to learn in order to become acceptable to the Next Level. The problem at this point was not knowing what was not acceptable to the Next Level but over time that would be clarified therefore sometimes not having much to do, was a lesson step, to take it all in rather than constantly occupy ourselves with chores and thoughts.
My First major Lesson: Keep my focus on myself – As Jesus said – Remove the log in your own eye before seeking to remove the twig in another’s eye.
Three or four days into our stay in Veedavou Bo and Peep came to each camp and spent a few minutes with each partnership privately. We simply sat in a car with them, Dandy and I. They asked us if we had any questions. Dandy was a bit shy so looked to me. I looked at Peep and noticed she appeared to wearing eye liner which I thought odd. After all, I thought makeup was for women that wanted to enhance their appearance and certainly not for someone on such a spiritual type endeavor as we were at that point fully engaged. So I asked, why Peep was wearing eye makeup. Peep replied, “it’s none of your business”, to which I was taken back. It was a strong response said with all seriousness. She certainly wasn’t hesitant to offend me, not that she intended to offend me. She just answered my question honestly. I looked over at Bo and he was smiling. He then said, was there anything else we wanted to ask them. I didn’t have any further questions so we left the car and another partnership entered the car.
Years later I learned that Peep sought to look “normal” when interacting with humans which for a woman in her late 40’s at the time entailed what she wore and how she kept her hair and how her face looked. She also had large somewhat bulging eyes that she felt make her look odd to people that entered into their pre-judgment of her something she found ineffective in communication. Bo spoke to the classroom once about that incident many years after it occurred and explained Peep’s position in this regard. Appearances mean a great deal to human beings, pre-judging one another by our looks, often doing so automatically. I did not and still don’t realize the extent of this. Peep knew it well so sought to compromise – blending in while de-emphasizing her more distracting to others’ features.
I learned a good lesson right then and there. These were not Pollyanna teachers. They were not afraid of turning away students and were not feeling like they owed us explanations that were not pertinent to the task at hand. What did Peep’s appearance have to do with my “overcoming process” to be acceptable to Next Level membership – the whole reason I was committed to the effort they were the instigators of.
Dandy, left the car and was like “phew…that was intense” and it was clear I had been blatant and my normal bull in a china shop kind of person who had little restraint. Bo and Peep never spoke to me about that though there were many lessons to come that somewhat addressed this same unbridled enthusiasm that bordered arrogance.
The helpers would meet with their group once a day at most to relay Bo and Peep’s instructions which mostly surrounded our daily care of ourselves and our environment. We were not to put things off that needed doing, keeping ourselves and our environments neat and orderly. Lacking showers and having limited water we were instructed to start each day with a sponge bath, taking turns using the tent for privacy. We’d heat a small amount of water, use a washcloth to wet our bodies, use a little soap but not so much that it took a lot of water to rinse off. Water wasn’t plentiful. The entire group organized a “water run” daily where approx. 45 5 gallon water jugs were taken to an agreed upon water source out of the forest to fill up. We’d do our own laundry in a basin each tent was provided and we’d keep the groups camp neat and orderly while staying hidden among the trees so not to alert the Forest rangers to how long we were there. There was officially a two week limit, though we certainly stretched the rule. Fires were not allowed in that time of year and we did not come and go unless we had a reason which would be cleared through the Helpers of each group. For instance, if we were bored we didn’t just up and go to town to get a pizza. It was quite clear that there was a chain of command in this respect.
At this point there were no dietary standards. We were given funds and times to go to town to buy supplies. Two or three partnerships would carpool to town.
One day the Helpers returned from a morning meeting with Bo and Peep and we were told to all pile into cars and intermittently leave the forest, so not to arouse attention and head to Laramie some 40 miles to the west, specifically to a particular hall on the University of Wyoming’s campus.
Somehow, as strange as it seemed Bo and Peep had secured the use of a classroom so we could meet and see and hear Bo and Peep better. It was a small lecture hall and Bo and Peep presided over the meeting. There were 98 of us that had survived the 9 1/2 months of mayhem scattered around the country. Ron and Robert and Judy and Greg who I left Oregon with were no longer in the group. Tara was still in the group and we said hello but still kept our distance so not to awaken old memories to stir feelings, but that was the way it was, in general between members. We were not a social club. It was more or less strictly business between us, the business of overcoming our humanness, an endeavor I still knew little about but was going to learn a great deal more about soon enough.
Bo and Peep were very pleasant and even humorous. They congratulated us for having made it this far. They spoke of our circumstance, the practical aspects of being a sizable group living in the forest and wanting to stay as long as we could. They addressed much of what had been instigated by each groups Helpers re: hygiene and care and the order of our camp, our cars and such. And they answered questions. Apparently they had shared a great deal more information over the months Dandy and I were on our own hitchhiking all over. They spoke about discarnates what were referred to as “influences”. They said when a human died they become a discarnate yet they continue to enact the same behaviors, likes, dislikes they had established while in a body, though lacking a body, they had no other recourse than to enact it through those who still had a body. In some cases for the things they did alone, they continued to do them whether that was to mow the lawn of course in mind only or run in the park. For the things they did with others they sought out others to do them with whether to have sex or to engage in conversation or debate or to be on a baseball team. Those in bodies were not aware of these influences and might have the idea – I think I’ll call Joe to see if we can organize a ball game. That idea could have been their own or could have been a discarnate seeking that activity. In this way, discarnates provided humans with lots of ideas and even their power of execution. In other words their attention and proximity in and around our brain added to our own force of effort. With more of these influences we might feel more and more motivated to certain activity and even thinking. Say you were seeking political office and discarnates witnessed the attention you were getting – holding rallies and attending fund raisers, giving speeches, some discarnates who sought the limelight would gravitate to these and their presence in energy and ideas, answers to questions and so on in a real sense beef one up – fills them with a greater capacity, what we often think of as charisma.
They said that one large aspect of our job was to rid ourselves of these human level helpers. They were not bad to have while in pursuit of human level activity and goals – to have a career, a family, a beautiful home, lots of entertainment and such. But if one is attempting to depart the human kingdom, they need to give these influences their walking papers as their desires can only hinder someone’s completion of the metamorphic process that can result in becoming a butterfly, what they said was akin to Jesus Christing or christening – completion of the metamorphic process as demonstrated by Jesus at what was described to us in the gospels as his transfiguration.
They spoke of the Next Level more. One interesting idea they touched upon was that in the universe there are many forms of service to the Next Level. There are some creatures that serve by being living transport devices for other beings just like someone on the human level might serve their community by being a bus driver. They said there were living space crafts that were intelligent and enjoying of serving by transporting others to tasks they needed to perform. Their service was no less or greater than any other and they were not limited to that service for eternity. They would have continuous opportunity to aspire to whatever they wanted. Some they said aspired to work in Headquarters which is where they had come from. In Headquarters one department entails making membership an option for human equivalents on garden planets like earth as they come to their ripened time evidenced by human or human equivalents desiring more than what the Earth can offer, having that sense of there being more and not able to fit in or seeing through much of the contradiction and primitive behaviors of garden occupants. When some are beginning to reach this stage, the Next Level can read it and provides them help in the form of new information pertaining to the reality of the Next Level and how to move closer to it’s membership. This occurs in conjunction with the Next Level sending “gardeners” into the fields who bring more of their Next Level mind with them to deposit into the Earth atmosphere that provides all more opportunity to perceive more and more, lifting more and more out of any Dark Ages. Knowledge is increased by the presence of these members of the next level who enter as discarnates but are not limited as discarnates are. They seek the vehicle they prepped beforehand for their mission and start a relationship with it, to at an appointed time “take it over” and use it to locate those potential new members to bring them up another notch in their overall schooling that leads to their Earth graduation. They explained that they were here to take those who have exhibited the desire and wherewithal to complete their lessons to result in their membership in the Next Level which would be their next evolutionary step above human where they would no longer die or circulate among humans but would be beginning a new life everlasting in a non-decaying environment that was engaged in the service of all of creation to include the nurturing of yet new potential members of the Next Level.
We began to have meetings with Bo and Peep in that classroom every week or so where they would bring examples of how members had acted in certain circumstances and answer our questions. It was mainly so we wouldn’t rouse suspicion from the Forest rangers as who this large group was and whether it was time for them to move on.
In one lesson, they explained that we were far too casual about how we approached one another and that we needed a great deal more respect, restraint and realistic REVERENCE. For instance, say a partnership (we did everything as a two or threesome) had a need to talk to another partnership. How would they go about it. Would they just walk into another’s tent site area and knock on the tent to get their attention? No. If the other partnership was in their tent then we didn’t approach them unless we had specific instructions from Bo and Peep and/or through Helpers to do so. If it was clear that other partnership were out and about – active, then we would approach but stop when we reached eyeshot of those we were approaching. Those receiving us would acknowledge that it was a good time to communicate, with a glance, otherwise if they ignored us then we would not bother them and would try again later. This came up in regards to Bo and Peep where some Helpers wanted to ask them a question. Bo and Peep were outside their tent area cooking on their camp stove. The approaching partnership just walked up to them and thereby forced Bo and Peep to give them the attention they wanted. It was wrong in this circumstance to assume Bo and Peep could be interrupted as it appeared they were just fixing a meal. Little did they know, that Bo and Peep were regularly in a type of connection or seeking of connection – “tuning in” as we called it to their “helpers” outside their visible environment and that forcing them to turn their attention to us was forcing them to take their attention off their “older members”, not a casual think to do. Bo and Peep said this was a normal human thing to do, like knocking on someone’s door or ringing them on the phone, thinking little about interrupting their mental concentration which could have also been engaged on working out a problem. The Next Level way was to extend the ultimate respect for another. Lacking an emergency it was to show your presence and when you know they knew you were making your desire for attention known, if they acknowledged you, approach, otherwise come back another time and/or repeat the request. We were to practice this with each other not just between us and our teachers, representative of older and younger members of the Next Level. It wasn’t so much that they couldn’t’ be interrupted. It was more about not assuming what we have on our mind is more important than what they have on theirs and that no matter what someone appeared to be doing – menial tasks of cooking or cleaning it didn’t mean that a great deal of important things were not happening on their minds that we could not see.
Practicing this with one another seemed so special. It was truly reverent and it also put more responsibility on others to recognize another’s need to communicate so someone with a genuine need were not put in the position of having to be pushy to get another’s attention.
The “A” tone:
Bo and Peep gave us a tool, they said would aid us in “tuning” our minds. They brought in tuning forks for each group that we shared. It was in the key of A. I never knew whether that was because those were the most available tuning forks or whether they specifically sought that tone for this exercise but we were instructed to sort of memorize that note – sing it, hum it and check that we are learning it by using the tuning fork to check our tonal memory.
At one point we were reassigned partners. I became partner with a female named Check. She was one of the 39 who laid down their lives in 1997. She was one that came from Canada, who met up with the group while we camped in Boulder. I had grown accustomed to Dandy and she to me. Our effectiveness in helping one another discover the areas we needed to gain control of had diminished. It never was that good to begin with. One time Dandy had told me I was like a bull in a china shop the way I tromped around the camp. I sought to be more refined in my movements after that. At another point before arriving at Veedavou Bo and Peep suggested if we have anything to say to any member of our group to clear the air or to seek help with, we should do so. I told June a young woman who joined pregnant and arranged to deliver the baby to a family in Arkansas who wanted the child. June was also one who laid down her life in 1997. I told her I found her attractive and therefore distracting or something like that. It took some guts to tell her that. I was embarrassed and I wasn’t coming on to her at all. I had no intention of going back to the behavior I’d left behind. I thought I was being honest. As it turned out this was one area Bo and Peep preferred we not indulge because of how it stimulates the vehicle and puts thoughts out there that can become bothersome to others. I don’t know if June ever dealt with knowing how I felt. I remained very attracted to her while in the group, though I kept it under control and tried not to focus or have thoughts in this regard. I slipped plenty in this discipline but overall I did not enter into any fantasies so I guess I did okay.
So now I was with a new partner, also a fairly by my estimation attractive young woman so there was chemistry automatically there which would provide for difficult communication – usually surfacing as being a little too nice or unhelpful. We were supposed to point out in one another anything we thought was unbecoming of a member of the Next Level. We were knew at this but still tried and Bo and Peep would learn about what we said to one another and correct us if we were barking up a wrong tree in criticizing another.
Exercise of Silence:
Simultaneous to this partner change was an extended exercise in not talking. We didn’t know how long it would last but there was to be no talking at all. We could write a note to one another if we absolutely had to. It wasn’t easy agreeing on what food to cook. That was the hardest thing I guess because along with not talking we were trying to not be aggressive with our way. We were seeking to do what the other thought best. So we used gestures and often just nodded yes even if we didn’t want to so we could proceed. It was like if you said no to someone, it was like demonstrating that you had a strong preference for things to be a certain way, and this we were trying to deprogram from ourselves. Flexibility was important in this regard so it was hard to say no yet if we really felt another decision was best we had to say no and then gesture something else. It was awkward. Bo and Peep eventually after a few days and reports galore on how things were going to include some meetings where we could voice problems said we could say Yes, No or I don’t know and could use key words. So if you wanted eggs for breakfast one could say to their partner whom we were supposed to do everything with, short of personal hygiene and bathroom chores, “Eggs?”
Securing our Environment – Camp Borders to keep out discarnates:
Next Bo and Peep instigated a mindset and practice that had to do with discarnates – human level spirits who were no longer incarnate – out of body – spirits. They said we needed to keep our minds clear and part of doing that was by keeping foreign thoughts that these discarnates were thought to be the originators of out of our camp. Since we had no walls, we designed imaginary walls assisted by sticks – branches that had fallen off trees that we laid all around the perimeter of each camp touching one another and whenever we felt the urge members of each group would walk that perimeter telling the discarnates to stay out – talking out loud or in our heads. They encouraged us to talk to the discarnates out loud at times because this fortified their reality to our own vehicle. Our bodies were thought to be our suits of clothes that has it’s own mind, own habits, own likes and dislikes. We were the commander, that is if we didn’t always do what the body wanted and when it wanted to do it. We were to take full control over our vehicles – that is in mind and body. Bo and Peep explained that we were not responsible for what thoughts we have but only for what we chose to entertain. If we had a thought of a sensual/sexual nature, we could allow it to linger and grow into another and another and even a daydream or vision but that would increasingly stimulate the vehicle in this way and would be harder to stop. We were given the expression “nip it in the bud” – sense that thought even before it registers in your head and cut it off, put up a blank card, turn your attention elsewhere – whatever it took to not go down that path that gets harder and harder to reverse once entered. This discipline also pertained to those who were highly critical of others, easily brought to anger, fantasizing, playing out scenarios of fun or popularity or fame or even a better world. Bo and Peep wanted us to be so in the moment that we consciously instructed our bodies every step, every movement. It was a practice of being in total control, not doing anything on automatic.
I would walk the perimeter and in this case could do so without my partner though before doing so would ask of motion to my partner if I could walk a bit. We asked about everything. “Is it a good time to use the rest room?” with one key word/phrase, “rest room?”. Most times a partner would say yes to this one but at times they might remember that there was water boiling that they were supposed to take care of, so would say…”water?” and I’d get the hint and take care of my job and then go to the rest room, which by the way was the woods. We dug holes for solid waste. It was a big national forest and these were not prepared campgrounds. It was as rough as could be. We used leaves for paper, though if we had paper we’d bury it too.
So I’d be walking along the stick perimeter which was also thought of as our space craft and I’d say. Discarnates – get out of here. This is our craft and we wish to be left alone. Go somewhere else please but if we heard a thought that persisted be it the past or someone in the past we had certain attachment to or desire for a chocolate cake or to take a drive or to be sexual or whatever we could if we wanted get stronger and even angry building force to let these discarnates know we meant business. But we didn’t have to get mad. These discarnates were thought of as often helpful to humans. They attach or tag along with humans when the humans do the things they liked to do when they were in a vehicle and often times they help humans do things. A discarnate that when in a vehicle liked to run or jog might hang out where people with bodies jog and will all but enter another’s vehicle to experience whatever they can, which we thought amounted to the energy from the effort, like a heat or pulse that they get increased vibe from, thus in a sense feed off of. If it was a discarnate that loved to be a manager of others, say at the corporation they ran, then they would continue to hang around the new corporate board room and assist whoever they want with their duties, reminding them of things that need to be done and giving ideas of new things to try. The human will think they originated the thought – “had an idea” while it often is a discarnate. This could become so dramatic that those humans with lots of popularity for whatever reason could have a literal entourage of discarnates traveling around with them boosting their ego, giving them confidence, helping with whatever it was that they became successful at. It was thought that this was why when some people would walk into a room, one felt an enormous presence. It may very well be that they do represent an enormous presence, their body and who knows how many discarnates building them up and taking the energy that comes from their doing what they like to do most that this human body was active in.
The Smooth Whirlwind:
The next exercise Bo and Peep instigated was called the Whirlwind or something like that. We changed partners every day and did so with other groups. There were about 7 or 8 groups of about 12 in a group at this point. We even built pathways with sticks connecting groups that were sometimes as much as 100 yards apart. So each morning after daily clean up chores – which entailed a sponge bath in our tent and shaving for the guys and brushing of teeth, we’d have our next partner assignment as provided by each groups helpers and off we go, switching and doing it all silently. We each had one bag to carry all our personal belongings, sleeping bag and such. One partner would stay put and receive the new partner to their tent while one would go to a new tent. It was very, very interesting and challenging because it showed how each person did things a little differently and interacted a little differently and how chemistry played such a strong role in communication and how much help we were willing to offer another.
A funny thing that was happening in many tents was the making of fudge. We got to learn who made the best fudge and this whirlwind continued so that we ended up being with most every person in the group and some twice. It was all most interesting when we’d go to town, at an agreed day and time for each group so not to make a big scene leaving or returning to the camp, to get supplies. We’d continue the no talking and would just nod approval or not at each food item. Most of us have strong preferences when it comes to food and this became a source of how flexible we were willing to be while not imposing our likes on another. There were no food guidelines from Bo and Peep at this point and most gravitated to the same things and our budget was not huge – provided to us by the group helpers who received it from Bo and Peep.
Bo and Peep were also camping but no one but the 7 or 8 helper partnerships knew their location. As I’ve said the Helpers would go meet with them every morning to get new instructions if there were any. At this time Helpers would pass along their observations of the group members. Talking was permitted if we needed to report something to the group Helpers and we could do so without our partner if necessary though that was discouraged, but if it was about our partner we needed to seek help at times without them. For instance a number of females said I looked angry at them at times and they didn’t know why. So Helpers would come to me and tell me of this observation. They didn’t take sides. They would preface that “if the shoe fits”, in other words, examine the observation. If you don’t think there is merit to it, then simply catalog the observation, but if you can see what the other is saying, seek to change that behavior. Of course Helpers also had their difficulties, though they weren’t in the whirlwind. Bo and Peep needed dependable help and these helpers were usually those whom they had worked the most with in that capacity for the 9 1/2 months we as a group were offering what we had to the public.
I was envious of the Helpers. They seemed to have greater stature, but I soon learned they didn’t. In fact in my group, as it turned out the Helpers had a sexual encounter. I didn’t learn who was involved until years later. However, there was a meeting called by Bo and Peep when one of the members confessed it to them and it was a major shakeup of the group. Bo and Peep were adamant that this was not a game. If anyone wanted to have sex then they should leave the group – it wasn’t for them and there was no time to waste. I also heard that someone smoked some pot in one group and Bo and Peep found out and had the same kind of meeting saying this was not appropriate behavior for someone seeking to engage their full energy, full strength, full mind, body and soul to taking control of their body and all it’s desires to “overcome” it’s animal nature to be the best applicant of Next Level membership they could be. It was the same for alcohol use if there was any or smoking tobacco or any entertainment based activity. We were only to do what we were instructed to do or we don’t want to be in the program, what we called, “The Process”. Food as entertainment would be dealt with later on as it was not as clearly entertainment.
At some point after these events a few decided to leave the group. neither of those who had some degree of sex left at that time. One did leave some years later the male member who instigated the sex. The member in the female vehicle exposed what she participated in many years later when Do encouraged the students to come clean with anything we knew we were attempting to not participate in. I was a little shocked by it as she was a “Helper” in my group at that time and I did look up to the “Helpers” as they had a closer and more regular interface with Ti and Do. I later learned that that did not really mean they were my elders or were further along or even closer or more loved by the Teachers. In fact as it turned out most that were in that “helper” role then and thereafter ended up leaving the classroom, perhaps because it did build their ego to have that “special” role so that translated to thinking of themselves as “special” to where when they weren’t in that role, as the roles did change, they felt let down and demoted and less important and special. Many were faced with this kind of struggle and many left rather than overcome it.
At one point, I ended up in a threesome partnership with two other male members. That was very interesting and challenging. We ended up discontinuing the strict no talking. We’d experienced it for nearly 3 months so Bo and Peep said we could give it a break but not to go back to chatting like chatterboxes. However I recall lying on my sleeping bag, next to my partners, two guys about my same age – 20’s and we were talking about stuff and discarnates. We tried not to talk of the past, but occasionally someone would refer to something in their past and the other partners were supposed to say something but then would feel like they didn’t want to make waves or find fault with the other so might be permissive of it and even might fall into doing the same thing. This may have been one of those times but somehow we started talking about discarnates and to all three of our surprise we at the same time felt this overwhelming presence and it felt very strong and very dark – evil – whatever you want to call it. We were scared seriously by it and said to one another, we’re never going to talk like this again. Apparently we were challenging the discarnates to show themselves while not being that convinced that they really existed and wammo, something changed and all three of us knew there was a reality to it.
Don’t Challenge discarnates:
This led to a lesson when it was reported by us to our helpers that reported it to Bo and Peep, that we should not challenge discarnates. We don’t need to try to make it harder than it is. We don’t want to intimidate them as they will take it as a challenge if they would have done so while in a vehicle and you will have a more difficult time keeping your thoughts under control and not off into some human activity, when you need all your energy to stay on the straight and narrow.
Here is another section that has to do with why I left the classroom:
Tags: Bo and Peep, evolution, Father, God, Heaven, heavens gate, Jesus, Kingdom, Luciferians, Prophecy, Rapture, revelations, second coming, space aliens, The Two, Ti and Do, two witnesses, ufo, UFO Cult