X-Member of the Heaven’s Gate Cult claims Sawyer was not in touch with feelings “inner child”

X-Member of the Heaven’s Gate Cult claims Sawyer was not in touch with feelings because the amount of self-suppression and as he said “demonizing the responses of the vehicle” taught by TI and DO was designed to facilitate the “sweeping out of one’s house” of humanness that Jesus taught was part of the “Christing” overcoming process to qualify for a crew position on a Next Level Above Human environment/society spacecraft.

Episode 5 – The Tape – refers to the Pineapple Street media’s 10 episode series podcast entitled, Heaven’s Gate to be found on Stitcher and ITunes and Goggle Play that employs celebrity podcast producer Glynn Washington, known most for his NPR podcast, Snap Judgement.

Frank was known in the Heaven’s Gate group as Andody and Sawyer was known as Swyody. Frank left over a year before Sawyer did and for different reasons that he explains in Episode 6 – The Choice.

Here is Franks comment to Sawyer on the podcasts Facebook page for episode 5:

Frank: The Importance of the Inner Communication of Feelings:

I hope Sawyer won’t mind, but I found something quite poignant that he said in his November 28 reply to Episode 5 – The Tape. Note that these are my opinions.

This is what Sawyer said:

‘When Glynn would ask me, what I was feeling at the major junctions, I had nothing to say. I wasn’t ever operating on “feelings” except for feeling I was doing exactly what I wanted to be doing.’

So, what are feelings? Why was Sawyer not more in touch with his feelings?

I see Sawyer’s quote and the sentiment it expressed as a key indicator of the amount of self-suppression that occurred in the Heaven’s Gate cult. The self-suppression occurred as a result of Ti and Do demonizing the responses of the “vehicle” (the body) and the vehicle’s mind as lower, lesser, or inappropriate to what would be acceptable to a member of the Next Level (according to Ti and Do whom we looked to as knowledgeable authorities on the Next Level).

For me, since leaving the HG cult, I have come to see feelings as the language of intuition. Our inner guidance system communicates to us through feelings. I see feelings as messengers of our inner being, whether that’s our “inner child” crying out for something that it needs, or our higher selves whispering guidance to us. Either way, because feelings are inner messages, they need to be heard.

To talk about “higher self” presupposes the belief that we are more than physical flesh and blood beings, which I believe we are. I believe we are spiritual (energetic) beings having a physical experience in the third density reality we call life on planet earth.

I think most would agree that we need all the insight we can get to help navigate our lives. My opinion is that often our logical minds fall short. My experience is that all of us can receive very effective guidance from our higher selves through our intuition which, again, is communication through feelings.

In the case of feelings being messages from our inner child, if those feelings are suppressed, they will find other ways to express, indirectly through subconscious behavior or sickness, or even reflected back through others around us. Conversely, if we listen to the messages of our inner child—and I’m not saying to act out those messages but to allow ourselves to fully hear and feel those messages—we will learn valuable information about ourselves. If we allow those inner messages to express in our awareness, without suppressing, distracting ourselves, or changing the channel—even if doing so is temporarily painful—we will often free up the energy used to suppress those feelings. We will peel away a layer of inner conflict, letting deeper, more authentic parts of ourselves express and shine.

In my experience of spending 18 years in the Heaven’s Gate cult, and unraveling that experience over the last two+ decades, I am deeply aware of how much I suppressed of my authentic expression in order to fit in with what I thought at the time were the requirements of my ascension to “heaven” (the Next Level). It has taken me some time to return to allowing myself to fully listen to my feelings and all the self-awareness and intuitive guidance that they bring.

I have come to see that my most important relationship is with myself—in a self-focused way, in the same way that to help someone else put on their oxygen mask, I must first put my own oxygen mask on.

*************
Sawyer’s reply:

First off, I love all honest communication, critical of me and/or of TI and DO or not.

You pose the question, “Why was Sawyer not more in touch with his feelings?”

Maybe in the context in which I wrote about not having “feelings” to those questions, it appears I was not as in touch with my feelings as I could have been. Of that, I can not say for sure. I was not aware of not being in touch with them then or even looking back now. One of those examples was when I joined, so that can hardly be blamed on Ti and Do as by that point I hadn’t even met Ti and Do and there were no “classroom” teachings of the self-control over thoughts and/or feelings. It was 1-2 years after we joined in 1975 that I recall Ti and Do instructing the class in the need to exercise self control over even thoughts of sensuality/sexuality, when before then it wasn’t spelled out beyond physical celibacy.

The other example I gave that might have contributed to your characterization of my not being in touch with feelings on the matter, was from Ti’s exit of her vehicle. But my having no particular clear cut feeling about that, was not because of anything Ti and/or Do ever said. I don’t know why I didn’t feel more about that. I also didn’t have much feeling when I learned my vehicle’s dad died, while I was in the group. Maybe that was because I had noticed 9 months or so before that occurred in a dream where I woke up suddenly and sat up in my bunk feeling like he died of a massive heart attack. For the record I told DO about it and he asked me in person if I wanted to call him and I said, no (and I meant it. But as it turned out, DO soon scheduled calls for reasons I did not know about, a short time after that and when I called I spoke to my vehicle’s dad. He was fine, though I learned later he was diabetic but I had no details about his condition. I called again about a year later and learned he had passed from a massive heart attack. I saw my dad last during the 1987 2nd visit to families that DO scheduled after Ti left. Also for the record, I had no hidden anger against my dad. I had a relatively fine childhood though I certainly challenged them to where one time my dad gave me a hammer and wanted me to attack him with it, I think so he’d have an excuse to knock the hell out of me, for whatever reason I don’t recall for sure, but perhaps when I got caught stealing from a store or something like that.

In another history of my feelings or lack of, I can tell you that when Nancy Brown called me from the San Diego coroners office when she went to identify her son David’s body, my gut wrenched and I was truly sorry for her pain, so I know I have feelings. Actually I often have that kind of response to even news stories where people are weeping.

Another of the times I recall lacking clear feelings was in response to the groups exit. I was a little surprised as although we spoke of it a number of times, talking about things and doing things was not the same thing. We never had “suicide drills” like Jim Jones was reported to have had where his people weren’t told if the juice had poison in it or not, and it ended up not having poison, in a sense a method of conditioning his followers to do the deed. To explain my lack of emotion at that time all I can say is that I didn’t have that kind of emotional connection to my classmates. Such were not fostered in the group and I never had any doubt that they were still very much alive and would receive new dense physical vehicles on a spacecraft someplace.

Even saying that Ti and Do taught us to “suppress our feelings” to me is a distorted viewpoint. We experienced laughter, most everyday, though they taught restrained laughter. So instead of jumping up and down for joy about something (like my x=partner, now known as Sarah did when we first arrived to western Alberta, several years before we joined with Ti and Do, and saw the Canadian rocky mountains suddenly appear over a hill. Sarah jumped up and down. She was a live wire with her feelings and I thought it was cute and honest, but in the classroom, I believe that would have been inappropriate. Also Ti and Do taught that crying can be a form of giving into sensuality, so we were to try to restrain it. I don’t cry easily but have cried a handful of times in my life before and after the group. I saw Ti choke up once and saw DO silently and expressionlessly weeping a couple times and saw him choked up many times and I don’t think any of those were examples of crying as a form of sensuality. Having “restraint” was one lesson step to employ. Other examples of where we were taught to be restrained was in voice volume and in our steps and in the closing of doors and cabinets.

Incidentally, what many people don’t know is that Ti and Do didn’t teach that there was anything wrong with pleasure. It was their program, if we wanted to be in their program, that we were required to only have the pleasures they provided, whether that was with food, as in ice cream and other sweet “treats” or by going to the movies or the zoo or to a museum or a theosophy meeting or by playing tennis or running on a track or playing volley ball, all of which we had at times, though in each we were to learn to do these things “in the way a member of the Next Level would do them,” which was according to Ti and Do’s judgement. For example the way a Member of the Next Level would play volleyball would be with the object of the game being to see how long the ball could be kept from hitting the ground instead of trying to make others miss the ball.

Even so, in the context of Glynn’s questions of why I joined and what I felt at TI’s exit and at the exit of the classroom, like I said, I didn’t have particular feelings. I can’t say I was sad or happy really. But I have a hard time seeing that lack of “feeling” in those cases as my not having communication with my “inner being,” though I understand that’s your profession now so perhaps you tend to paint others with that brushstroke.

That new age jargon often seems to me like it’s come into the pop CULT-ure to try to escape the original meanings of terms, most of which I first learned from Ti and Do and then saw their application in the records (Bible, etc.) when I started to write my Revelation’s prophecy interpretation book.

An “inner being”, to me was once referred to as a “spirit” or “soul”. My inner being was telling me loud and clear that I was involved with the greatest souls I could imagine existing that never waned even throughout my fall (thanks to God). This is exactly what I believe Chkody (Erika) and a number of others expressed as an “immediate recognition” shown in her part of the Exit Tapes.

I don’t know what you consider the “inner being” to actually be. Ti and Do didn’t elaborate in great technical detail about the meaning of some terms. They used the word “Mind” a lot ie. “get your Mind in your vehicle.” Later after Ti left is when I recall DO saying Mind was equivalent to the word Spirit. It wasn’t until around 1989 or so, when DO and crew wrote the book, The Transfiguration Diet that I learned more about those terms and it wasn’t until after I left the group that I learned from their Heaven’s Gate Book writings even more about what a Soul really is and how there are different kinds of souls for different ages of Minds entering into them and what actually constituted a “spirit/mind”. (see “Incarnating and Discarnating” on my blog or still on the Heaven’s Gate web page. Their entire book is there for a free download in text format).

In the Transfiguration Diet book, Do taught that there were one of “Three I’s” behind anyone’s saying, “I believe… this or that.” In other words the “I” is representing one of three voices; 1) The genetic expression from ancestral experiences of the human strain the vehicle developed within, 2) the vehicles immediate familial and/or societal “environmental” influences from the birth of the vehicle, that together form the spirit/mind of the vehicle and 3) the Mind that was part of a “deposit” (a subtle physical type of “computer chip”), the Soul, literally individually deposited into human vehicles by Members of the Next Level that returning Souls are put into by the Next Level and thus is where the idea of reincarnation comes from. Ti and Do always taught that the eastern religions definitions of reincarnation are not accurate, but the idea that Souls come back to incarnate into new vehicles is true.

For the sake of understanding only, anyone who takes offense at saying that all humans don’t have that third Soul component of the “I”, or inner being, there is no way to know who does or who doesn’t have one but anyone that wants it – wants to recognize more of what’s most true, can ask for it, that is, if they direct their asking to the highest source they can imagine existing in the distant heavens in search of the highest truths. Asking in that way avoids having renegade Souls and/or Spirits/minds, in the earth environment from providing an often lessor accurate answer to one’s questions. Having a Soul or not is unimportant because what’s most important for any seeker is whether we seek to “grow it” or not and if we do how quickly we choose to grow it, as I believe if we don’t use it, we can lose it. It’s not a competition, but everyone chooses their pace and the Next Level puts no limit on our pace. But the Spirit/mind of the vehicle still experiences the human kingdom “school” in each new vehicle it further develops within.

Ti and Do also taught that students (which at this time could apply to anyone, as there were more Souls “planted” than the 38 that laid down their lives, perhaps what the 144,000 number was recorded to represent), were developing a “feeler”, even associated with the Solar Plexus part of the human vehicle. TI also referred to this Feeler as a “muscle” and thus the basis of intuition.

I believe Frank is correct in saying Ti and Do taught that the vehicle’s mind was lower or lessor than the Mind that came from the Next Level and that relative to graduating out of the human kingdom it’s voice, for those who had chose to commit entirely to Ti and Do, in this example, was then the voice of a demon. In other words, by listening to our vehicle’s voice (no matter where it originated from) over our Next Level Mind’s voice (to the degree any human has drawn in Next Level Mind, which we often see as common sense, like not killing humans being a higher behavior than killing one another) would be allowing a demonic voice in our heads. A demon is the embodiment of any thought or action that is against Next Level behaviors and ways and the degree varies according to one’s grade in the Next Level Human Kingdom school that we are all in.

I didn’t hear Ti and Do using that term “demon” much. They called the “voices” of the vehicle either the emanation of the vehicle’s genetic mind (software programming) and/or from the spirit world (discarnates or renegade souls) or from thought transmissions, “Influences” and the “Lower Forces” of the planet and/or “Boogers,” lastly the term Ti and Do gave to identify the renegade souls (the legendary fallen angels, aka today as the space aliens (who are no longer allowed to circulate very far into space, who I believe can’t even circulate on the moon)) that were assigned to each class member to be an accelerated catalyst of their continued growth towards their graduation (spirit/soul/mind “birth,” as Jesus taught and termed) into Next Level membership.

So a big part of the classroom was to identify “influences,” whether in feelings (emotions) or via our thoughts that were human according to what Ti and Do taught. Initially that meant, putting the entire past of the vehicle behind us, hence changing the names we used to identify us as those names would trigger “tapes” (memories) that drag our vibration back into who we were before and we needed to become a new creature.

Ti and Do taught that in the human kingdom, such influences are many times actually “helpers.” They taught that our vehicles were actually biological computer systems that discarnates sought to use and “timeshare”, like what we see in a computer system that has different “buttons” to push to start programs by. These discarnates are themselves a batch of programs from all they became before death of their vehicle. So say a human dies as a master piano player, they still seek to fulfill that habit or practice or in some cases addiction, but lacking the physical vehicle to express themselves through, seek a vehicle that can provide them with some degree of the satisfaction they once received while alive. Ti and Do taught that some who rise to fame will have attracted an entourage of discarnate helpers so that when they walk into a room they have a more obvious presence, which is different from what one would feel from a Member of the Next Level, when they are incarnate.

So by learning to block out thoughts of the past, we were also blocking out many of the Influences we had gathered from birth. (Jesus compared that to “sweeping out one’s house”). But it didn’t stop there as while one was sweeping out their house they were also replacing that mind (as the discarnates are all minds, which is synonymous with spirit) that is human mind and also misinformation mind with the Mind from/through the current and present Older Members from the Next Level’s Mind (Holy or pure Spirit (Informational Mind). That’s why Ti and Do changed many of our terms as the old terms were like links to old memories, conscious or sub-conscious. When we used the new term we were replacing that old program with a new one from the Older Members and the more we did that, the more we were facilitating “body changes”, that description of how a caterpillar metamorphoses into a butterfly.

Thereby students were really intensely identifying with their feelings, though were processing the ones they believed to be old human feelings out of their being and replacing them with Next Level feelings and emotions, which would upon completion be 100% eventually. Those who were successful began to love everything they received from Ti and Do. They enjoyed having all those procedures. They didn’t see them as limiting or controlling anymore than a military officer sees his/her disciplines as limiting or controlling. They become proud of what they know they have acquired but in the Next Level they don’t decorate themselves to show others their “tail feathers”. (Jesus taught not to show off to others what they have become, like in the wearing of king/queens clothing or by taking the best seats in the temple or by smearing ashes over one’s face to show they are fasting).

So yes, as Frank said it was “self suppression”. In 1978 or so, TI at a meeting told the class that “you needed to give us your will”. After Ti left her vehicle DO confided in us that Ti thought by saying that then, they would lose “half the classroom”. At that time our numbers were probably in the 70’s and it got down to 24 but then when some returned to the class after the Beyond Human tapes was back into the mid 30’s before losing a few more again, or in the case of two students assigned to leave the class (because they were too old to keep up with the classroom procedures) so Do preferred they still serve the classroom from where they lived before they rejoined/joined (FLX/ABL). So speaking of that group it looks like what TI said happened, maybe even exactly, though the exact number is not important. Now one could say all didn’t leave because of that but when it comes down to it they did leave because of that as those who left didn’t want to continue to look to Ti and Do as their teachers – to replace their will with the will of Ti and Do for them. (Jesus taught that a disciple of his needed to “deny himself”, in other words deny his own will for himself, that is also said in other ways as “thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven” in the Lord’s prayer and also what is meant by “loving the Lord your God with ALL your heart, All your Mind, All your soul and all your strength”, which Jesus said was the first greatest commandment (instruction/procedure) which would certainly included giving the incarnate REPS our will.

Relative to Frank’s saying that he sees “feelings as the language of intuition,” is not at all different from Ti and Do’s teachings when they said that the way one’s “feeler” operated was like a form of “radar”. When we were sent out on the road to hold meetings for about 9 months in 1975 and again for about 9 months in 1994, we were not in touch with TI and DO or in 1994 with DO hardly at all, so we had to use our “feeler” to try to feel where to go, what to do, who to try to talk to, determine whether it was a good town to hold a meeting in, etc. as in both cases we ran out of money so had to do so for all our needs (food, gas, lodging, meeting rooms, posters, etc.). Ti and Do also described the process of a Next Level Member piloting a spacecraft as the use of their feeler. When we watched the heavens at night, which was called Night Watch, we would log anything notable we saw while on that duty. Sometimes we would see objects traveling through the heaven’s with a type of wobble but unlike the way one would see a satellite or meteor or airplane doing. I think I recall and Frank may remember this better, but they said that was the way a Next Level craft is traveling that I think about now as their “feeling their way” on whatever “highways” exist in the Heavens (as Ti and Do said existed).

Again to Frank I ask, what is your “higher self” exactly and subsequently what is then the “lower self”? I just wrote about this from Ti and Do’s perspective.

Re: the “inner child” – to me that’s a new term/phrase that refers to one’s vehicular past when they were a child. I don’t deny that there can be a positive application to the identification of suppressed feelings from one’s vehicular childhood but it can be I believe a very slippery slope across the line of “fully hearing” them and not acting them out. Sure for an initial attempt to identify deep seated problems, maybe hearing feelings suppressed from our past can be freeing, but to repeat that process over and over, which I’m not saying you are suggesting could be ingraining those feelings. For instance an example from DO’s Mind: When the group spoke at a few meetings for Sexahaulics Anonymous or the like, DO later explained on their behalf that by people telling and retelling their same addiction story, they are like clinging to it and it’s vibration.

However the way Ti and Do taught this process was to reveal things as soon as they occur so they don’t get suppressed in the first place.

For instance relative to you (Frank) and I (Sawyer), starting with me (and I mean no offense by this, as it’s this way with all who seek to grow), had I exposed my feelings for some of the female students that translated as not controlling my eyes as well as I could have and other such dropping of guards to remain celebrate in mind as well as in my vehicle, then perhaps I would have developed the strength to ward off further “giving into those influences” that eventually resulted in hiding masturbation like I did that resulted in my choosing to leave the classroom because of not getting it under my control over nearly a years time. (Since that was one of the requirements of staying in the classroom to keep under control). The technique of doing that would be to “put up a blank card” at first sign of such a thought and/or feeling and learning to suppress it to where one still feels “it” knocking on one’s door to one’s mind but doesn’t let it become a thought nor direct the vehicle to acting it out further.

For the record, I didn’t entertain thoughts or feelings of doing anything with anyone and I hadn’t masturbated for 18 years before then and didn’t even come close, but apparently even seemingly small letting down of my guard repeatedly kept the door opened enough to where I became more vulnerable. For the sake of brevity, I’m not painting a thorough picture right now.

Here’s my opinion of what led up to your dropping out of the group, from what you have said in Episode 6; “my thoughts at times were filled with doubts and questioning everything…”, which he indicated was part of what compounded with the designed suppression of feelings that resulted in the development of a deeper voice and a bad stutter. And then that stimulated what you called the “red alert” when DO started thinking about whether TI would have us seek to stimulate our own exit by appearing to become a threat to the government. For the record, DO never entertained mounting any kind of attack against the government or to do any violent act against anyone ever. What he was saying in that post on the web was about taking a stand, not being submissive to them and how that would eventually lead to their becoming the aggressors.

By the way, Jesus’ radical teachings so angered the priestly Jewish leaders that they wanted him dead. Peter carried a sword but Jesus told him not to use it. At one point Jesus told his disciples that they needed to have a sword with them. They asked him if one was enough and he said it was. Jesus said this when he was talking about how his disciples would be going out to preach again and how it was different from the first time he sent them out, when they didn’t carry a sword. One can imagine the reasons Jesus gave this instruction but in this case perhaps the sword was a rifle. It didn’t mean he was becoming militant. He still said, “those who live by the sword die by the sword”. In DO’s case the rifle wasn’t to protect their vehicles lives, it was to give the paid killers the excuse they wanted to kill them. There is more to say about this and how this option seems to be depicted in the Revelation prophecy, chapter 20, though seemingly 1000 years from now, but it shows consistency with everything Jesus taught and did, though DO wasn’t trying to show consistency… it just happened that way because DO worked for the same Older Member so say and do things that would give many every excuse to not see him/them for who they really are.

Frank, it seems to me, that for part or all those years, since you were suppressing your feelings, they did grow more powerful over your control of your vehicle to where, like with me, it became like a boil that popped and with you it showed up as a very noticeable voice drop and stutter. But, like myself, that would not have become the problem it did, had we learned to employ the tools Ti and Do gave us to correctly suppress those thoughts and convert them into positives as was also taught, through the use of all the helps, our partners, the meditations and affirmations and slippage meetings and help wanted meetings and direct asking Ti and Do for help with each manifestation and in our silent prayers and via notes to them, etc. as they provided us.

For me and possibly for you, it wasn’t obvious that I was slipping but looking back I can see that I was subtly choosing to not follow certain procedures that were part of the help for me to remain transparent about my struggles.

However, none of these things need to remain a negative as DO told me when I had finally reported my breaking of my celibate vows that one of the hardest lessons was recovering from failure. Since Ti said the Soul we then saw as DO was the same soul who had performed the Adam task and that Adam did fall, I guess DO knew about failure and recovering from it as TI also said He recovered by the generation of his Souls incarnation into the vehicle named Enoch and then completed the overcoming “Christing” Process so Enoch’s vehicle was taken into the Next Level without dying.

 

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18 Responses to “X-Member of the Heaven’s Gate Cult claims Sawyer was not in touch with feelings “inner child””

  1. demimonde_mesila_thraam Says:

    I still continue to read your blog and find parts of it fascinating when it doesn’t wander too long into the biblical stuff. Frank’s comment about the “oxygen masks” was particularly profound.

    I still can’t help but wonder if perhaps your leaders were dosed without their knowledge with a psychedelic substance, just as other prophets and Knowers of what is beyond human may have thousands of years ago before it was known that ergot fungus and mushrooms brought visions. Everyone’s trip is different yet they all have connecting elements. I could imagine Bonnie and Herff eating at a church kitchen and consuming something someone had laced with LSD and since they would never have suspected a consciousness expanding substance affected them, they could have easily connected to each other, and to “God”, in a way that mixed their personal views into a vision that space beings wanted them to overcome human habits. But they forbade psychedelic drug use in their followers having no idea it had a role in who they had become, and what they were trying to comport to the world.

    This is only a theory, but I see evidence of this possibility being knowledgeable about these matters. Note this is not a negative thing to me, though I and most people in the psychedelic movement find dosing people by force or surprise to be very irresponsible and even evil. A person must always have choice to take that path or they might end up believing they’re Satan or something, and not know why. If you know you took a drug that made you believe something, you have the power to turn off the belief. Jim Jones and Charles Manson dosed people without their knowledge to enslave them. I don’t think Bonnie or Herff did this to people…I think it is *possible* some unknown person did it to them.

    There’s much more I could say about this, and perhaps will someday.

    • sawyer Says:

      Wouldn’t it make sense that if a substance growing on the earth that produced a kind of temporary consciousness alteration that might cue someone into the very temporary partial recognition that there is more to reality than what we can just see, like from Psilocybin Mushrooms, peyote buttons, opium, marijuana, etc. that there would be a natural consciousness possible that would be clear and muddled and permanent?

      Your theory is fine of course but what is your evidence? I guess one could point out the Book of Revelation but that was before Ti and Do awakened and they didn’t refer to it hardly at all upon first stage of awakening. And their consciousness wasn’t sporadic nor temporary, nor exaggerated nor egotistical nor controlling of others.

      If you come to a place of ever wanting to know for sure, then I think you will have to project your asking to see the whole truth as far away from the planet as you can imagine to the highest source you can imagine and then seek with that question, request for help at any cost and with tenacity it will be revealed to you I think.

      The truth is stranger than a LSD trip, by far, because it’s not revealed to anyone who isn’t ready to seek to know it.

      I have yet to see a comment from Frank re: oxygen. Can you point me to it?

    • Eric Says:

      I had an interesting experience taking salvia divinorum – an “entheogen”. It was a weak hit and I had the very peculiar, but specific, sensation that at that time I was less myself and more an alien in a VR simulation of earth.

      This must not be a unique experience because in the cartoon ‘Rick & Morty” the characters go to an alien arcade that has a VR game where you lose your identity living as a human on Earth.

      While the Class is popularly compared to Jim Jones and Charles Manson I think Ti & Do could be more fairly compared to Tim Leary. But any of those comparisons fall short.

      From the Class materials I get the impression that Applewhite fell into hard drugs before awakening – the addictive potency of heroin/morphine is mentioned sporadically. Ti & Do said they got into a number of human addictions and got out of them prior to awakening, which I interpret as experimenting with drugs. Maybe this was something Do talked about in the lost Beyond Human episodes.

      What did you think of the new UFO disclosure from the government through the New York Times? Some people think that revealing the $22 million spent on a new Blue Book is a distraction from a much larger amount of money the Pentagon mishandled. The official pictures are something – who can say which camp those craft belong to?

  2. sawyer Says:

    I never had any indication Ti and/or Do got into “drugs” at all, though I don’t know. Do was a alcohol user then. He never said whether he experimented with marijuana or other substances but I can imagine he might have. For Do another was a sexual addiction but then he said many, even most humans are addicted to sex – it’s the biggest addiction. Ti said that Do’s task required him to take a vehicle that got into the human kingdom and all it’s addictions so he could get out of those addictions and then better relate to whatever his students needed to get out of. He could help from experience in the current vehicle at this time. But that didn’t mean if someone in the class was addicted to heroin he had to have had that same substance addiction to be able to coach someone out of it.

    In the first book Ti and Do began to write that appeared to be TI’s voice as the primary writer she at first suggested the the drug culture in the 60’s could have helped some awaken some, but then when she edited it a year later, after having fully awakened she crossed that part out entirely. They ended up throwing the entire book away (but it somehow was found by someone as it got to me).

    I’m pretty sure DO indicated that TI didn’t need to get into the same things DO did as her task was to “get DO started”, which she did and is what is said in Revelation chapter 12 about them.

    There are no lost Beyond Human video’s. If you are referring to the two he re-did, he re-did them so they weren’t lost. I was there for all that taping, on the video crew with Lvvody, Jnnody, Lggody, Jwnody and Srrody.

    I felt that recent disclosure was a significant turn apropos for the times – 2017 the last horse of the apocalypse, the Green horse 4th and middle – from Daniel’s prophecy in chapter 7, Seal opening/Affirmation period. The Seals are all opening of further revealing of the truth. Since it was the washington post and involved 22million and the retired Harry Reid, to me it shows a coordinated disclosure without saying anything new but admitting to and legitimizing the perspective that stuff is or has been going on. Most all the mainstream media is running associated stories from it.

    I think we are witnessing the way the “secret government” (mystery/secret Babylon – Rev 17) – aka today as the Deep State, led by the CIA/NSA, etc. is seeking to build up more funds for their weapons programs, space programs – planned trips to the Moon and Mars (along with China, Russia, India and the EU and Japan, etc.) because they are influneced by the Luciferian space alien fallen angels to try to get off the planet to survive or raise funds to further underground city development and transit systems between those cities from all the major cities in the world.

    It’s the legendary war of armageddon preparation, a war that has been being waged for a long time, for Souls but has it’s geopolitical components that are escalating and finally surfacing more – waging war against the Next Level they believe are the evil space aliens.

    Of course I don’t know whether that’s a Next Level craft or space alien or human craft as who knows when it was taken and it could be just some cgi manufacture. I doubt it’s Next Level.

  3. marty Says:

    isn’t being castrated an unfair way to “overcome”? You don’t overcome anything — you just take the desire away.

    Women don’t put botox in their lips. You are odd.

    • sawyer Says:

      First off, most of those castrated that I know about; DO, Srrody and Alxody had been maintaining their celibacy for 20-25 years. Vrnody was a new member from 1994, so he might have only had a year or two under his belt, so they had built their “mind muscle” plenty to that point. In other words they had already demonstrated overcoming those impulses. For Vrnody even if he still had more overcoming of his vehicles sensuality in that regard, he might have been among those who DO said still needed to come back to a human condition “classroom” to finish their overcoming, just like the FIRST Wave students were likely the primary disciples of Jesus and had to come back to finish their overcoming.

      Nothing is lost by following whatever DO gave them the option to do. DO said they had to prove to him they wanted it and sometimes that took years, like in my case, asking him over and over when he wasn’t stimulating that consideration, though I wasn’t castrated, which is another story I’ve told many times before.

      Yes I am odd. I admit it. It was even a joke that the names we were given were the “odd”y’s and that even God is Odd because one needs to become odd to the human norms.

  4. xfs97 Says:

    Thanks for this article Sawyer.

  5. Brian Says:

    what do you think of sex97’s jacket? do you have one like it? does it qualify as sort of a little too preachy?

    He looks like he has a chip on his shoulder — are you frightened of him or how he might affect the public’s already sketchy view of your cult (or cults in general)?

    • XFSector97 Says:

      Hey Sawyer, what do you think of parasitic little trolls, like “Brian” (supposedly), that come here and vomit such flatulent and idiotic comments that only prove their comatose allegiance to the Lower Forces? Nothing sketchy about who YOU are a little puppet for, “Brian”. And don’t lecture me on what is or isn’t “a little too preachy”, you little Luciferian creep.

      • sawyer Says:

        You know I don’t like name calling though I’ve been tempted many times. And like Jesus said, they can talk against me and can be forgiven… but if they talk publicly against the teachings of the Next Level, then, because they are influencing someone else’s choice with misinformation they may not be forgiven. I know I paraphrased and put my interpretation in there but I believe that’s the gist of it. I don’t think he was talking about questioning something. I think it’s when we act as if we know better. When I fell from my discipline it was a “major offense” and thus was one of the grounds to be dismissed from the classroom. But Do told me that since my offense didn’t influence anyone else he didn’t feel to dismiss me from the classroom and told me he thought I still had a lot to offer the Next Level so he gave me a chance to recover, though I did not. I’ve become accustomed to being called names and being criticized for my looks and for what I do and say, so perhaps I’m seasoned in that regard. I still don’t like hearing it unless the shoe fits. I know there are trolls and whatnot, people pretending to be one thing and then being someone else, or looking to set someone up to try to discredit them and who sow seeds of deceit for whatever reasons but I don’t know assume that about someone. I kind of have to be hit in the face with it. I probably give some more time than I should but I was reminded a couple weeks ago when someone told me several year ago they were making fun of Ti and Do, etc. and then something happened and they did a switch and now have come to believe in what they taught. I think when we lash out it’s mostly our own issue and I’m not saying I’m beyond responding that way.

      • Brian Says:

        preachy and a bit judgmental. i think i offer pretty good insights. i’m offering a valuable service to you — i give you the chance to “rise above” the dialog. xf chooses to take the bait and act like the embittered weirdo he likes to be. we’ll read about him in the papers one day, I predict.

        truly, nobody cares about any of this stuff beyond the oddity that people like you exist.

        http://1.gravatar.com/avatar/31f4f7c747339dba653977ffec46b288

      • sawyer Says:

        Brian, I’m afraid to say you don’t offer me anything I’ve seen so far. You just admitted to being the troll xf said you were trying to stimulate discord for the sake of discord. XF knows he has a short fuse when provoked so all you did was help him work harder to gain better control in that area. It seems to be just like Jesus taught – that “evil” (trouble makers) was necessary but woe to those who choose to be it’s instruments. I’m not saying “woe” to you. Not my job. It’s the Next Level that like it or not you as all of us answer to.

        You are also very, very wrong about nobody caring about any of this stuff. In fact I’m overflowing with new people telling me there is something about the Heaven’s Gate story that they are drawn to and want to know all about what Ti and Do taught. Then there’s another uptic in Heaven’s Gate stories and another uptic in ufo stories and with the uptic in earthquakes and volcano’s and scandals and wars and domestic terrorism, etc. many people know something is up. The Next Level brings this on in a number of ways that don’t give evidence of their stimulus. A big part of their stimulus is by removing mechanisms that kept all this confusion, etc. at bay til this time.

        You don’t have to continue with your ways you just admitted to. It’s your choice but it’s not the Next Level you are working for and there is only one other side to work for. I’d choose carefully.

    • sawyer Says:

      I’m in no position to have any opinion about a jacket and how someone wants to relate to Ti and Do’s group. If he wrote something on it that I believed was portraying something Ti and Do didn’t evidence standing up for and he or someone else asked me about the statement I try to say what I would hope Ti and Do might say about it. The harder thing to do is to ignore the truth when it’s in front of us and that still happens to me now when I want to do something I know Ti and Do would hope I was outgrowing. The easier thing to do is to do nothing. Standing up for Ti and Do in whatever ways someone feels to, whether it putting the name on a jacket or whatever will be opposed by those who take offense from it, It’s not easy to be genuinely in support of something with one’s heart and mind when perhaps 99.9% of the people will judge you in various ways for it. That’s the situation with Heaven’s Gate. The other cults don’t often support them, the religious generally don’t, the secular humanists and atheists don’t. The rest don’t know about them or don’t care to know about them or anything else that’s happening in the world UNLESS it’s put before their eyes and then all have a chance to take a look and if they are curious may learn something but even still will always have the choice to turn away.

  6. Grinnellian Says:

    Herf did smoke marijuana and sherm sticks in the early 70’s,. I know this because we were with him when he smoked them at least three times. It wasn’t unusual back then. We weren’t close but I was a music student not his student. He sang I played clarinet. Nice happy guy. Sorry for his family. Just terribly sad the whole thing. What a mess it became.

    • sawyer Says:

      I don’t have any reason to doubt that so thanks for the information. Ti said Do’s task was designed that he would take a vehicle that had all the equivalent experiences that any of the would be students would have to deal with conquering so he would know from experience how to get out of certain addictions – like to sexuality of course is a major one, but I believe having some fame is another and power, having fellow humans look up to us. I don’t know what a “sherm stick” is.

      • XF97 Says:

        Grinnellian is full of it. Do (Doe) said that he didn’t touch marijuana. In fact, he went even further to state that he wouldn’t even associate with someone who smoked it. This was said in the Beyond Human series. So, Do (Doe) was lying then? According to “Grinnellian”, Do (Doe) lied in the Beyond Human series. The only person who smoked anything and lied in this equation is you, “Grinnellian”. Who are you really, “Grinnellian”? Are you Dave again? Are you seriously so bored with your valueless life that you would write something so ridiculous as this? I’ll let you think about it if you’re able to.

      • sawyer Says:

        Wasn’t the context of Do’s talking about marijuana in Beyond Human series referring to how he looked at marijuana usage before he’d awakened to his task in it’s illegality though also didn’t permit it’s usage in the classroom:

        From session 5 of Beyond Human Series:

        I’m going to let you in on another secret, and we’ll come
        back to this. I’ll let you in on just a little personal history
        of the two of us. You’ll probably dig in and find a bunch of
        stuff. If you do hear it from the media, I’ll tell you now,
        about 80 or 90 percent of it is totally inaccurate. But I don’t
        say that in defense – you believe what you want to believe. Ti
        and I as individuals at the beginning were very, very moral
        individuals in our own standing. We felt like we were moral
        people. We felt like we lived very correctly, as far as how to
        treat our families, how to treat our neighbors, how to abide by
        the law. I could remember if I even had a friend that smoked a
        joint, and pot was illegal, I’d have wanted to stop having
        anything to do with him because he was doing something that was
        illegal. So, we were that preoccupied with trying to live in a
        way that wouldn’t upset the world of Caesar, so to speak. I
        mean, when Jesus said, “Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar,”
        it’s the same thing. In leaving this world to go to our Father’s
        Kingdom, you try the best you can to not make a mess of the world
        that you’re leaving. Yet in spite of it, sometimes we make a
        mess. And I’m going to let you in on a mess that I made when Ti
        and I were awakening.

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